sorry bout not posting yesterday my computer crashed :@
this will be a quick post coz i'm really tired :/
spent the whole of today thinking about us, and still not being 100% sure. louis decides to come back at the wrong times and tell me his feelings. They are so different...
I'm pleased for scott bout his football, shame bout getting injured.
GAAAHH why was the male species put on this earth???
I soooo totally want to learn that!
right bed...NOW....plus its the easter holidays!! AND AND i deffiantely got my first choice for camp.
I don’t normally do this on my blog but my love for music has taken over and new music deffinately doesn’t get the coverage it needs and this person has one really good voice!
Tara London – she writes her own songs and has a really and I mean really unique sound. Check it out!
Right moving on from my little advertisement...
Things got heated with Louis today, had a really good conversation with him tonight
Back with Scott, but I’m still not 100% sure it’s the right thing to do
I’m really tired so off to bed I go, Oh and hi to my new follower!!
I've traveled far along with you
We walked the world and together grew
It will be strange being without you
You gave me strength and helped me grow
But now it's time to be on my own
I hope you know, this was difficult
A part of you is a part of me
And will always be
So hold your head high
It's so hard to say goodbye
I just have to take this chance
I hope you understand
We'll go on our separate ways
It may be hard, but I'm not afraid
I think it's good life makes us change
So don't be sad
The best is yet to come
But until it does
Just hold your head high
It's so hard to say goodbye
I just have to take this chance
I hope you understand
So hold your head high
It's so hard to say goodbye
I just have to take this chance
I hope you understand
I won't forget those times
I won't forget those feelings
So don't forget I'm going to see you again
So hold your head high
It's so hard to say goodbye
I just have to take this chance
I hope you understand
So hold your head high
It's so hard to say goodbye
I just have to take this chance
I hope you understand
I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe
But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in
And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
and after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
I see your blue eyes
Everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
It's like I'm not with me
But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in
And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
and after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in
And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
and after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you
No no no...
mmmm... heyy yeahh
Thinking back when we got together
And in our hearts we were saying forever,
So in love, boy we were so in love, mm..
Jealous wasn't what we wanted, we broke up
You looked in my eyes I should've spoke up, and held you near
Now I'm alone and here it comes again
Cause I remember every word that you said
It all keeps on spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't wanna think about you baby so much
All the things we didn't know the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you, forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around, forgetting to forget about you, forget about me and you
I'd be crazy to say that we were perfect,
And sometimes I wondered if it was worth it
But now I see, how good you were for me
And everytime I drive by your apartment
I get this overwhelming urge to walk in and see your face
And to be in that place, all over again
Cause I remember every word that you said
It all keeps on spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't wanna think about you baby so much
All the things we did it didn't know the way we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you, forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around, forgetting to forget about you, forget about me and you
The way we laughed, the way we kissed
I never thought that I would miss all the things I used to complain about you (ooh~)
The football games, hometown friends, I was glad to see it end
But tell me why I feel so alone without you.. ooh...
yeah... here it comes again...!
Cause I remember every word that you said (you)
It all keeps on spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't wanna think about you baby so much (so much)
All the things we did it didn't know the way we touched (we touched)
Just when I think about someone new (new)
I keep on forgetting to forget about you,
Cause I remember every word that you said (you)
It all keeps on spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you, forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around, forgetting to forget about you, forget about me and you
I can't forget about you
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
The last couple of days have been pretty shit, and today things have just started to get a whole lot better.
Me and scott are starting to get back to the way we used to be.
Bethany has bin sending me some really funny shizzle from youtube:
Im mad, really bad
But dont tell my mum & dad
Pucker up kiss my but
Cuz Im bloody fucking nuts
Hear the bass, skinny waist
Now lets copy pokerface like.... whoa
that was proper good and i saw the top 60 ghetto names
Hate to disappoint you but it didn't upload quick enough to put in with this post so it'll be done ready for tomorrow, i'm creating a series of videos of my poems set to music, this one is set to The Saturdays - forever is over, to be honesti think it's fitting for the poem, so you'll have to wait and see which one i use it for!
Having one of those conversations again where i wish i wasn't but glad i am.
Ignored all of scott's texts today just to keep louis happy... which is proper annoying coz sometimes it feels like scott cares more than he does, and actually listens...
I'd do anything to make him happy just sometimes think he's saying all the things i want to hear rather than telling me how he really feels and if that the case this isn't going to work out. Plus it feels like he doesnt care at times, like today i didnt want to tell him what was up so he told me it was a waste of his time and credit, thanks for that... you know...
I decided after it was becoming such a big thing i would get twitter, it's pretty cool actually, it's more than likely gonna take over facebook, its alot easier to use!
I've decided on the tattoo i want to get when it legal/ if i can find a place where i can get it done before its legal...
I wish louis was more like scott sometimes, like scott actually seems to care when he talks but then louis can say the cutest things out of the blue which seem more special because he harldy ever says them.
But then i wish scott lived closer like louis does.
Man, life is waayy too confusing
I really do care about louis alot, just wish he made his feelings a little bit more obvious sometimes, but things were better tonight, our little facebook chats are the best :p, smilie war... which i won
It was cute when louis was telling me that all he'd done was think about me since he got home.. bless him
I'm really liking The Saturdays wordshaker album, think it's pretty amazing, to be honest didn't really like them to begin with but the more i listen to the album the more i like it.
My favourite song off the album at the moment. But there again open up is pretty good too.
Gotta love louis lol he didn't know how to make the herat on facebook... bless him
I'm officially hooked on twitter already... not a good sign...
Looking forward to sunday and seeing louis, only if i get my coursework done though... but there again even if i don't i'll still go
Just 9 months till i'm 17 now that's scaryyy....
Anyways... Tomorrow is saturday which means a nice looonnnnngggg lie in
Laterz xx
Ps. that video will be posted tomorrow :) maybe some photoshop edits to if i can be bothered to upload them :)
Firstly I think I may have probably just got my guy back, LOUIS, after being a complete an utter arse last night I told him this morning that everything was hard enough without adding him to the equation and he just said all the right things in all of the right places. I never thought he would be that sort of person, but he seems different now... good different... Well I suppose he’s changed like he said, and apparently that’s down to me. I’m writing this because I can’t be talking to him as he’s at football sorting out his team, yeah I know its crazy he has his own team he plays for them and I think he manages them, but I’m not completely sure on the managing thing but I know he started the team.
A lot of people keep asking what I see in him so here it is:
1. He’s really funny and good at making bad situations seem actually quite good
2. He can actually give really good advice, and surprisingly he told me not to fall out with my parents over him
3. His hugs are amazing, I absolutely love them (not to mention how he kisses, but you don’t really want to know about that)
4. He listens to some pretty decent music
5. He actually listens to me, we can actually hold a conversation
6. He knows how to have a good time
7. He has a tattoo, I think tattoos are really attractive
8. All the little things he does
Trust me there are loads of things about him that makes me crazy about him. He’s the reason I have a smile on my face. Hopefully this time we will last a long time. Plus my parents are all good with it now.
I am so happy it’s crazy, and I’m so looking forward to Sunday. Shame I can’t go to Claire’s party on Saturday...
I feel bad about Scott though, I guess, he will find someone one day...
I’m so happy at the moment nothing can bring me down.
Oh yeah i had to do some interview thing for school today, that woman was sooo funny
It's weird when you are totally sure of something or someone then the smallest thing has to happen to change that.
I have this amazing guy, louis how i totally fell for after he was there for me when i was going through a rough time with scott, we were breaking up after finding out he was cheating on me and it just wasn't working. So Louis was there not judging me for giving it ago, and just being there for me when everything was falling apart. Then we just got closer and closer, and well yeah we ended up together. I thought he was everything, he got on with my parents, he was great to be around, he knew how to make me smile, and was just a great boyfriend. Then he wanted things to move a lot faster than i did, and wanted us to spend a lot more time together that i couldn't give him, with all of my exams, we started arguin about everything and well yeah then it's kind of obvious from there... we split up...
Then i have scott who was great when i was with him. Cute, funny, everything you could ask for, only problem we didn't really get to see each other. But then things went messed up, well they went really messed up. I thought he was cheating on me, the distance wasn't working out, he were starting to drift apart, i guess i ended up feelinh like i couldn't trust him because of small things that went on, lieing about little things that didnt matter but they did in the end.
Now both of them want to be in my life again, but in more ways than as a friend. Until this morning i was absolutely sure i wanted it to be louis then scott was in my head until i had a proper conversation with louis. I'm pretty sure, well more than sure, that i want to make a proper go of things wiht louis, not because i don't care about scott but because of everything that happened before and the reasons why we split up last time, we've just become really close friends again, and i think for now its best that it stayed that way.
Talking with haidee has really helped lol we always talk about our relationship issues :/ She made me realise how much i really do care about louis, and i want to have a fresh start with him.
It won't be easy, i know that because my parents have told me that they don't want us together, but i'm pretty sure it won't take them long to see that he make me happy, and that i want to be with him. If he changes and does what he did before then i won't want to but it will be over then. But i don't know why but most of my friends have changed their minds about him, or seen that i hate being without him because they keep saying that if he makes me happy i should be with him.
Hopefully everything will work out the way i want it too...
Looking forward to cromer after prom should be gooooodd :)
Over the last couple of days i've seen two sides to louis, the really cute, loving, kind, caring, side that i love and the complete and utter dick that doesn't care about anything other than himself. If i'm totally honest i care about him alot, and i can't believe some of the things he's said especially the part where he wants to be with me for the rest of his life, but he doesn't think he will be able to make it upto me because of what he's done. Hopefully we will be able to sort it out, we getting there and he's getting back to how i know him... which it really good. I know that he is a decent guy, more people should give him a chance. I absolutely hate the fact that he lied to me as he said he never would, and some of the things that were said by both of us, shouldn't of bin said, but well thats the problem with arguements. I want us to get back together, he means a hell of a lot to me. I miss him and our weekends together. Maybe if we have a second chance then we'll do it properly. All i want at the moment is to be with him.
It's good to know someone cares about me, but it's a shame that nothing will happen with us, especially with the distance, and my feelings for louis, i just care about him in a totally different way. Scott makes an amazing friend and i know he has feelings for me, and it's nice to know, but all i see him as is a friend right now, maybe that will change agen one day maybe it wont, but right now my priotity is sorting things out with louis, and seeing if we can get back together, and into a good place. As much as my parents hate that idea, but it's my choice not theirs.
Spoke to laura today for the first time in ages, it's good to hear off of people you haven't spoken to in a long time.
Had a bit of a bad first day back, coz of feeling tired after being ill. But Brenna and Jodie made last lesson amazing. Supply teachers for english should happen more often...especially that old guy he was crazzyyy
-taking the register the teacher calls our JODIE she answers "yes please", he replies "you don't know what i'm offering yet" cringe
and all of brenna's comments everytime he said something were just amazing gotta love that girl.
There was a slight issue with prom dresses today i have no idea why people are gettin them so early but there agen i aint fuss is bout to be honest, i aint bothered about goin to prom. but yeah basically molly bought the dress lizzie thought she'd reserved but hadn't so now molly has it and lizzie has to find another one. GUTTED.
Some people really do turn out to be people you don't recognise, you tell me everything you think i want to hear, just because you think it means i will sleep with you? what a joke. i won't stop talking to someone because you say so, he actually has been there for me something that you never have been. It's weird to think that i actually once cared about you and thought that we had a future together. You've made a mug of me twice it isnt going to happen again. and on top of that you lied and you think i will forgive you... i dont think so somehow. i was wrong about you, i was wrong to stick up for you and i'm glad i've walked away.
T H A N K Y O U
I really do need to say thank you to scott, i wish more guys were like him. He knows how to pick me up when i'm down, make me smile, he really is a good friend. But he is the only person that really doesn't judge me and gives me proper advice.
this might sound weird, but today i have finally felt a sense of freedom, i'm not tied to anyone, i think i've finally escaped my feelings for louis. right now things are starting to go good again, but i know this for sure i want to get out of here as soon as possible to get away from everything bad thats happened.
i don't know if i want to go to college anymore, i know this means i've changed my mind again, but i don't know if thats where i really want to be anymore, but if i don't go to college i'll need to find a job, and most probably have to start paying for stuff for myself, because my parents would hate it if i don't go to college. but i don't think i can go through the pressure of these exams anymore. plus i'll be 17 three months after september, which means i'll be able to learn to drive, which is a huge positive.
right now, i'm not going to focus on having a relationship with anyone, i'm just going to concentrate on my exams, if that happens it will happen, but at the moment i am happy, being single, i've got great friends, and i finally feel like i'm getitng somewhere, like i'm growing up.
the only worrying thing about saying i don't want a relationship right now is, i'm starting to get that feeling again, where all you want to do is talk to that person, but the distance was too much and it probably would be again, everytime i send him a text i can wait for his reply... I guess maybe if this can all wait till i'm past my exams and i can drive, maybe will can have a future then... at least then we would have a chance, but till then this will have to wait... hopefully it does... i know one thing i'm really missing you like i used to.
The memories that song has...
back to school tomorrow, no more freedom, i am gonna actually draw up a timetable so that i know i'm going to get everything done!
My main priorities from now on:
1. Coursework and revision
2. My friends and family
=2. Scott (he comes into his own section, hes more than a friend, not part of my family, but isn't my boyfriend or anything)
3. Me time!
I'm not going to worry about anything else. I've got everything i need, i just need to make it the most that i can.
Hmmm, well it's weird to think we were totally over then he goes and says all of this and it just brings everything back :/ I mean why couldn't he leave it? Bringing everythign back isn't good, well not right now anyways... and even if we did get back together everyone would be dead set against it, my parents wouldn't let me see him and i dont know if theres much point going through it all again, you can say it will be different, but how do i know it actually will, you can say you never meant any of it, but the truth is there was a reason why you said it. Now i can't forget about him... Like i said to him before i do care about him, but can we go back to how we were? i dont know if thats possible, but it'd be hard. I want us back together but i don't know if it would work, if it truly would be good for both of us, or if we're just trying to go back to something that we know we wont have back. why are things so confusing... I want him back, but can things be good this time, will other people make it hard?, will he walk away like last time? Love is a big word, maybe this is maybe its not how does anyone know, but what i do know is i care about him, and if he wants this and we can sort it out then i'll be waiting...
bin an alright day till that ^^ little issue (louis :/), poor scott :( bless him, you know if you need me i'm here :)
I'm working tomorrow and staying at my uncles tomorrow night coz i'm working friday as well, only problem i cant find my work shirt :/
I know i promised to post the other video and that but i haven't had time to post, so you know... anyways here's some more things that i've done:
Basically the idea of it was to create a video about knife crime from the victims point of view, i dunno if it works or not.... :/
Well i didn't have a valentine for valentine's day but i know alot of people did so i made this to a good love song, well i think it's good anyways :), here it is:
Now, I have made another video, and it took todays to make because i kept changing my mind about it, editing it adding different photos, etc but this is how it ended up:
You can see it isn't like my other videos, lately i've realised how much i really do need my close friends so i thought i could maybe make a small thanks, whether it doe sit or not i dont know, but i hope they like it :)
It's quite funny how some people turn out really, i saw someone today that i hadn't seen in ages and they didnt even say hello back :( oh well you can't win everyone can you :)
Today i had a really good day with my sister, we never really spend anytime together so it was good to go into town with her, (and she paid for everything :D lol) the best bits where:
buying millies cookies, 6 of them to be exact (!) Tash stands there ready to pay and i say really loudly, your hungry today aren't you, the woman didn't look to amused (lol)
buying some books in waterstones, again 6 of them (got a thing about that number), Tash stands there ready to pay (again!) and i say really loudly again, you like reading don't you Tash, then the woman then says sarcastically you want a bag for those (lol)
then we went back into waterstones coz i wanted to get another book for blender (long story) and Tash looks through the other books and pulls a katie price book out of the box and says i wonder how much thats bin reduced to (lol)
Well tuesday tomorrow goin shopping with the parents, well at least it mean there'll be some chocolate and other random junk food for the rest of half term :) then i plan to sit down and actually make a good animation, well at least start one, i need to think of an idea...
I've start to get really interested in video editing, animations and random graphics again recently and i seem to of got better, well i leave you to be the judge of that :)
anyways, i haven't got much else to say really, so...
so i got a new program yesterday, sony vegas pro 9.0 and i wanted to try it out and see what it could do. I've got a youtube account so i thought why not make something that everyone could see, so this is what came of it:
I thought that bullying is a big topic, i'm a cybermentor, so why not? I made another one but haven't had time to upload it yet, so i'll post it tomorrow!
I've decided i'm going to post more videos on youtube now that i've got a better program.
Things are finally back on track, yes i'm single and yes i'm actually happy about it, i have some really close mates now and who would have thought that one of those would actually include one of the people that had once hurt me the most! I guess seeing another side of him and going back to being mates is easy for us because we forgave each other, and well me and louis haven't quite got to that stage yet, but we're working on it. Me and scott (or scoot :P lol) seem to have made a fresh start and being this close to him again is actually quite good, especially as i thought that it would never happen! Thats one of the best things about friendship, you can go through so much together, good and bad but you still have each other to rely on. Yeah, i'm not going to say people should fall out but in some cases it makes you stronger.
Just like another very special friend of mine! We've gone through a major fall out last year but now i know that i can rely on her, and that what ever i need whether its cheering up or just some advice she'll be there. Thats the best thing about friendship people are there for you in different ways, me and scott can't be there for each other in person but we can be with advice and just talking and having a laugh. Where as me and bethany can be there for each other whatever we need whenever we need it. I'm not saying those two are my only closest friends but those two right now are the ones who i have gone through the most ups and downs with and probably know the most about me, because i can be open with them, as well as be myself around them, which is probably the best thing!
Friendhsip is deffiantely one of the things i'm most thankful for.
It's hard when you think you love someone but you don't know if it will work or is best for both of you.
3 months he waited
1 month together
3 weeks apart
Back together or not?? If it was my choice then yeah, but people make it harder and you have to decide whats best for everyone. Nothing will go back to how it was before, an i know i dont want to lose him out of my life. Yes, i still care about him, but i dont know if he actually still cares about me, it's easy to say it but it's hard to prove it. Then theres everything that gets said, people talking, messing your head around.
So...
YES i care about him
YES given the chance i probably would give it another chance
But i don't know if it's right or not, alhtough i only can to be with him if he wants me for who i am and not everything else thats been said.
I know people won't want to see us back together, but i guess it's not their choice, it's ours, if there's a way to fix it then i want to know what it is, but i don't know if there is a way.
Right well, parents evening is coming up and there won’t be much else for the teachers to say other than, coursework needs to be done, well unless they say it in a more creative way then I don’t think there is anything else they can say anyways.
I was thinking about what is going to be happening in the year already:
1. College interview
2. Sit my GCSE exams
3. Prom
4. Leave school
5. Holiday in august 2 weeks
6. Start college
7. Louis’ 18th
8. My 17th
9. Learning to drive
And even then I’ve probably missed some of it out, I mean it’s really weird to think that I’ll be 17 this year.
I love Glee, slowly the TV people are getting towards a decent musical TV show.
I discovered that I have written 130 poems since last January, quit good really seeing as I don’t really do it all that often
I was quite proud of myself today, not only did my brother leave the Xbox alone long enough for me to use it but, I even managed to beat his score on need for speed, after I did it’s needless to say that I got kicked off of it, but I had a look and I’m still in front of him, hehe.
I came across that song by chance, and its actually quite a good song, and the lyrics are really true.
Anyways I’m off
