Its funny isn't it...

Some people really do turn out to be people you don't recognise, you tell me everything you think i want to hear, just because you think it means i will sleep with you? what a joke. i won't stop talking to someone because you say so, he actually has been there for me something that you never have been. It's weird to think that i actually once cared about you and thought that we had a future together. You've made a mug of me twice it isnt going to happen again. and on top of that you lied and you think i will forgive you... i dont think so somehow. i was wrong about you, i was wrong to stick up for you and i'm glad i've walked away.

T H A N K Y O U

I really do need to say thank you to scott, i wish more guys were like him. He knows how to pick me up when i'm down, make me smile, he really is a good friend. But he is the only person that really doesn't judge me and gives me proper advice.

this might sound weird, but today i have finally felt a sense of freedom, i'm not tied to anyone, i think i've finally escaped my feelings for louis. right now things are starting to go good again, but i know this for sure i want to get out of here as soon as possible to get away from everything bad thats happened.

i don't know if i want to go to college anymore, i know this means i've changed my mind again, but i don't know if thats where i really want to be anymore, but if i don't go to college i'll need to find a job, and most probably have to start paying for stuff for myself, because my parents would hate it if i don't go to college. but i don't think i can go through the pressure of these exams anymore. plus i'll be 17 three months after september, which means i'll be able to learn to drive, which is a huge positive.

right now, i'm not going to focus on having a relationship with anyone, i'm just going to concentrate on my exams, if that happens it will happen, but at the moment i am happy, being single, i've got great friends, and i finally feel like i'm getitng somewhere, like i'm growing up.

the only worrying thing about saying i don't want a relationship right now is, i'm starting to get that feeling again, where all you want to do is talk to that person, but the distance was too much and it probably would be again, everytime i send him a text i can wait for his reply... I guess maybe if this can all wait till i'm past my exams and i can drive, maybe will can have a future then... at least then we would have a chance, but till then this will have to wait... hopefully it does... i know one thing i'm really missing you like i used to.



The memories that song has...

back to school tomorrow, no more freedom, i am gonna actually draw up a timetable so that i know i'm going to get everything done!

My main priorities from now on:

1. Coursework and revision

2. My friends and family

=2. Scott (he comes into his own section, hes more than a friend, not part of my family, but isn't my boyfriend or anything)

3. Me time!

I'm not going to worry about anything else. I've got everything i need, i just need to make it the most that i can.


laterz xx

Just one of those days

I was sitting there and just, zoned out and started watching everyone. It's kind of weird when you see everyone just talking and laughing and you're just watching. Guess it's just one of them things...

 

I kind of was hoping with us things would be different; I guess someone can always hope. I can't believe in one week he's managed to get a parking ticket, fall of his ped, and get knocked off of his ped and end up in hospital, he's out now though just got whiplash, which isn't as bad as it could have been. Things between us were going so good; I don't know maybe his idea of what he wants out of life just isn't what I want. I feel like a saw a whole other person before and now he seems to be someone completely different.

 

Nothing really big is happening at the moment to be totally honest, no arguments, which is really good!!

 

I can't believe how much coursework and revision I seemed to suddenly have acquired, textiles, science, English, graphics, media I mean why do they leave it till just before our exams?

 

I have fallen in love with Jason Derulo at the moment, loving his music.

 

Anyways I'm off,

 

Laterz xoxo

 

 

quick changes

I couldn't ask for a better way to spend my weekend other than with Louis, I really hope is great granddad pulls through.

It's kind of funny how yesterday I was saying how lucky I am to have all of my friends, and I am, but I wish it all came without the problems. I mean how come us girls can be so bitchy, it would all be so much simpler if we were just like guys, throw a few punches and be mates again. But no, we hold the worlds longest grudges to the point that we don't even remember why we were holding the grudge in the first place. It's through these ties that you know who your true friends are as they are the ones who never judge you and let you and the other person work things out without getting involved.

The last couple of days have showed me how much me and Louis need each other, with everything going on with his family and eerything going on between me and my friends, it's good to know that we have each other to turn to. I don't know what i would have done without him the last couple of months, even while i was with scott and he couldnt be there for me Louis was always willing to listen and was always there for me, I am so glad that weve become what we have, because I don't know where I would be without him right now especially as it looks like i may lose one of the people i'm closest to.

Well the highlight of my day was ermm, well it was school can't really say there was a highlight to my day can i?? So, looking forward to tomorrow the whole afternoon with louis, and then the same on sunday, well who needs revision.

I dont really have a clue why but i can never bring myself to revise for any of my exams supposed to have sience exams next week but i just can't concentrate on the revision, to be honest i can't really be asked anymore either i can't wait to leave school and just start aain somewhere new.

anyways thats me done for today,

laterz xoxoxo

exams....

it's that time already :( started our mocks but they're realli important as they are the grades that get sent off to the colleges that we apply for :/

was realli ill last nite the first time i've felt that bad in ages :( but he made me feel so much better :) headaches and generally feeling really bad isnt good still not properly fine today but way better than i was, bin told i have to spend less time on the computer...

nearly finished my personal statement i have decided the career i want to do after a long talk to one of my teachers she was really helpful though and i have an idea of the course i want to do just hope i get in now... (fingers crossed)

realli looking forward to christmas, cant wait to see him its going to be soo good :) i think he'll like his christmas present, not telling what it is though :)

working two weekends in a row straight after the mocks and i wont be able to talk to him for those weekends :( but i guess its not all bad as it means i'll have more money to spend on christmas presents :)

anyways thats it for now, revision time agen :( english and chemistry :(

laterz x
love you xxxx

Just for him :)

i havent wirtten anything the last couple of days :( college application, revision and the amazing boyfriend of mine take up alot of my time :)

well got a few more poems written in the time spare that i have, which is getting rare at the moment, maybe one day i'll get published :)

i actually think if i see another revision book/ guide/ notes i may scream gaah i really dont like exams but now i have to do well coz i really want to go to college now and if i get good results in these mocks then i will have a chance at getting to do the courses i want to do

decided what i'm getting him for christmas :) i really hope he likes it though :/

once this week is over i'll be able to relax and look forward to the christmas holidays :)

i've nearly finished writing my college application just got half of it to go :/

i can't wait to see him...

i managed to get a million points on nearly all the songs on lips lol and thats without being able to sing

i have to go into skool tomorrow and help raise money for the yearbook, cant wait till we start making it, i'm really looking forward to seeing the pictures or everyone in year 7 :)

working the next two weekends :( oh well i need the money, i need to find a more permanent job :/

anyways thats it :)

laterz xx
love you my gorgeous amazing boyfriend :) xxx

hmmm...

well good day, bad day to be honest

arguements lol, dont get some people sometimes...

exams, i hate revision i never get it...

actually managed to write a song today, its like the first time in months...

bin writing more poems...

decided what career i want to do i have actually decided and i think its somethin i would be good at :)

i need to sort my head out, got too much stuff goin on that i dunno what to do about....


laterz x
love you xx

well the day started off realli bad but has ended realli well :D

hearing his voice is the best thing that i can spend my time doing, ... well apart from being with him. which i can't wait for christmas it's going to be so good to see him :)

well it was my dad's birthday today and he now has his laptop, and took me and my mum out shopping. i had the day off school coz i went to bed with a migrane and didnt get any sleep so i spent all morning asleep :(

i'm going to have to spend all weekend doing my coursework and revision :( then i think i'm ment to be working the following weekend :/ but i'm not sure, this time of the year is great coz i dont have to do much, but i kinda is anoying coz that means i dont get paid :( well it wont be long till i can get a full time job :) and it's a year till i can start to drive :) which is even better :)

i really cn't wait for christmas it's going to be so good, to spend some time with him, it should be good to find out what my mates think of him as well :) but tbh i think they'll get on wiv him especially as they know how happy he makes me :)

i wrote this and i'm not sure if i've posted it :/

please don't go away
i cant let our love go astray
i dont want to watch you walk away
everytime i'm close to you
i know you'll always be mine
i need you more each day
and for this i pray
for you to stay
how can i show you that you live inside my mind
our hearts will remain intertwined
walking together hand in hand
how can everyone misunderstand
this is our love for each other
i know i'll never find another
everytime i hear your voice
i get a feeling i can't explain
a feeling like never before
i want you to be with me forever
going on a journey through whatever
i just want you to be next to me
side by side forever is where we should be

well havent had really much happen today other than discover lips is easier to play than singstar :) either that or i can actually sing which is very unlikely :)

well thats it realli :)

laterz xx
love you xxxxx

I Love him :D

i'm so glad that i've got scott back :D and love everything about him, he's amazing :) i can't believe he'd want me back after i ended it. i've bin so happy today all because of him:)

anyways they have moved our exams :@ so now they're in somethin like three weeks, got no idea why and our reports are late :@ but there agen i aint too bothered about that :/

today i managed to make my arm swell up playing volleyball no idea what happened but nearly got taken to hospital :/ but its all gd apparently it was only something like a bruise or sprain but it dont hurt or anythin :)

maybe i'll try doin some textiles tonight or graphics :) dunno gotta get some revision done and have a look at future careers apparently :/



anyways thats it for now

laterz xx
love you baby xxx

SCOTT :)

everytime i hear your voice
i know i made the right choice
writing my first name with your last making me your mrs
everday i long for one of your kisses
you light up my life when things get dark
our fingers intertwined strolling around the park
if they day turns into night i'll love you by candlelight
just promise me this, never to fight
you're my world
when our eyes met i knew my heart was sold
together we can be a teen love story with a happy ending
because when i'm with you my heart doesn't need mending
whoever said dreams don't come true
hasn't seen me with you

- meant to be

I wrote that :D i was realli proud of myself :P until i realized that some of it didnt fit so i had to re write it now is sounds ok when you say it. I got the idea of it from a song but yeah....

I can't believe he read it :/ i give in too easily to him.

Well so far i have had successfull day at practicing my guitar, keyboard and avoiding my revision :)

....At last she's okay :D

Lmao at my mother bless her :p i love her crippledness and the fact that we have all these wierd contraptions in out house, first the chair for when your in the kitchen, then the bathroom frame thing, next apparently its the knife thats like a saw, lol

well less than two weeks till my birthday :D and my mum and dad refuse to buy me a new electric guitar :( on the upside my sis's birthday meal is all sorted and we are gettin hellium balloons :D

well thats it,

Laterz xx

Teenage love affair :)

I wish love could be easier especialy when your family doesn't help. Scott is at it again he just knows when i need someone to pick me up, i just wish he didn't have his spanish exchange student so we could talk properly.

Well there's so much to look forward to half term is coming up and big sis's surpriss party is well i don't think there is much planning going on to be honest well it's either that or it's gonna be a surprise for everyone else too :/

I'm glad I have claudia and molly to get me through today I really thought it was going to be over between me and crazy but cute but I guess we just got stronger :) he really does surprise me sometimes. At least I've got the girlz to keep my head up when there's days like to day :D

Maybe after seeing milly attempted at braiding hayley's hair i should get her to do mine, nah better off paying for it or i'll end up wiv some kind of notting mangles mess :/ that wouldn't be great seeing as my birthday is in less than 3 weeks :D but unlike most years i dont have a majorly long wishlist because i'm happy and i've got everything that i need right here.

well looks like it's another night of revision

laterz xx