Some people are really pathetic, I mean I think it’s time you all grew up, well those 3 people!
Got the glee vol. 2 today, it’s actually quite good!
I miss my baby :(
Max has been making weird comments lately :/
Anyways that’s it
Laterz x
Love you xx
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Monday, 22 March 2010
Saturday, 20 March 2010
Today is the start of something good.
I don’t know what happened today but I realised a few things...
Recently I’ve been thinking that my life is really bad but let’s face it I’m actually really lucky.
I’ve got....
Scott;
My amazing boyfriend, who I know I can talk to about anything, who I can trust 100% (slight contradiction of the last couple of days, I know, but let’s face it, I actually can’t see him doing any of the things people have said he’s done). He always knows what to say, can put a smile on my face no matter what mood I’m in and sticks by me through everything. I LOVE YOU BABE!!
My friends;
Well here I’m talking about my close friends who I can count on for anything and everything. They’re always there if I need someone to talk to, if I need cheering up, or someone to piss about with. We have some crazy chats too, and I’ve learnt a lot from them the last year. THANKS GUYS
My family;
To be honest I am lucky in the respect the both of my parents are together, not a lot of people have that. We argue a lot but we are close really....
I’m not like a lot of people, yeah I guess I’m outspoken (well I know I am), I’ll say things and think about them afterwards, and that’s always been an issue. I’ve gone through a lot of bad stuff, but that’s taught me to appreciate what I’ve got and the last couple of days I’ve forgotten that.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that however much I complain I am actually really lucky.
Laterz xx
Love you babe xxxxx
Recently I’ve been thinking that my life is really bad but let’s face it I’m actually really lucky.
I’ve got....
Scott;
My amazing boyfriend, who I know I can talk to about anything, who I can trust 100% (slight contradiction of the last couple of days, I know, but let’s face it, I actually can’t see him doing any of the things people have said he’s done). He always knows what to say, can put a smile on my face no matter what mood I’m in and sticks by me through everything. I LOVE YOU BABE!!
My friends;
Well here I’m talking about my close friends who I can count on for anything and everything. They’re always there if I need someone to talk to, if I need cheering up, or someone to piss about with. We have some crazy chats too, and I’ve learnt a lot from them the last year. THANKS GUYS
My family;
To be honest I am lucky in the respect the both of my parents are together, not a lot of people have that. We argue a lot but we are close really....
I’m not like a lot of people, yeah I guess I’m outspoken (well I know I am), I’ll say things and think about them afterwards, and that’s always been an issue. I’ve gone through a lot of bad stuff, but that’s taught me to appreciate what I’ve got and the last couple of days I’ve forgotten that.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that however much I complain I am actually really lucky.
Laterz xx
Love you babe xxxxx
Wednesday, 17 March 2010
don't you hate it when it's like this
Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
All the things we did and the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you
The way we laughed, the way we kissed
I never thought that I would miss
All the things I used to complain about you
The football games, the hometown friends
I'm was glad to see it end
But tell me why I feel so alone without you?
Ooo oh, Oooh, Yeah,
Here it comes again
That song has a lot of meaning to me sometimes...
I know this will sound weird but since me a Louis broke up it's been easier for us to talk about things, I miss that about him just sitting talking or going for one of those long walks...
I know I and Scott have something really good, but I do miss being able to be with my boyfriend and just spending time together.
I do care about Scott a lot and I know this doesn't seem fair on him to say this, but I just need to get it out of my head.
Today I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking things over and over again. Sometimes I feel like history is repeating itself, being back with Scott was meant to be a fresh start for us both but the same problems came back. I don't know why but when things like this happen you question your decision in the first place, I knew it was going to be hard with the distance but I didn't think it would be like this. I hate comparing us to me and Louis but it is hard not being able to just go and see him, revise with him just being sat there, the little things that seem to make the difference. I hate the fact that we can't see each other when we want to. This was always going to be hard, but now it's just got a lot worse.
Memories are something we'll always have, and will never be able to forget...
I've got so much stuff going on in my head at the moment. It's crazy, I can't decide what’s for the best, I don't want to lose Scott, but it's triggered some really bad stuff at the moment.
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Everything is confusing, I don't think that I have feelings for Louis anymore, I just miss what we had, and wish that I could have that sort of relationship with Scott. The distance causes so many problems. The thing is I’m 16 and he's 15 it would be different if I could drive and see each other every other weekend or something but we can't it months between when we can see each other, and to be honest you can't really call what we have a proper relationship when we don't see each other. Maybe this time I’m not really in it like I was the first time because of everything that has happened. I don’t know. In some ways I feel like by lying to me Scott has pushed me away, I feel like he didn’t feel like he could tell me the truth in the first place. I know I said that I wanted to us to move forward and forget about it, but when this has happened so many times before it’s hard to think that it won’t happen again. I knew that it was going to take a lot for us to work, so everything that goes wrong makes it so much harder and makes me regret wanting to try. I do care about Scott and always probably will, but in some ways I see us ending and not starting out.
oh this is not the way that it should end
it's the way it should begin
it's the way it should begin, again
no, I never wanna fall apart,
never wanna break your heart
never wanna let you break my own
yes, I know we've said a lot of things
that we probably didn't mean
but it's not too late to take them back
so, before you say you're gonna go..
I should probably let you know
that I never knew what I had...
I never knew what I had...
A lot of music says how I feel at the moment... maybe that’s a good thing... maybe it’s not...
At times I think it would have been easier to give Louis a proper chance and see if we could work out (that isn’t the right thing to say I know especially when I’m with Scott but I need to get everything out of my head) Everything seems to go round I circles.
Maybe one of my mates was right maybe I should have just drawn a line under both of them and moved on on my own. But at the time that’s not what I wanted, Scott and I started to get really close again, and I was able to trust him and be able to actually talk to him. In some ways what Louis said originally when Scott and I broke up the first time is true living so far apart with everything like this going on at the moment isn’t fair for either for either of us.
This blog really feels like I’m trying to talk myself out of being with Scott. That wasn’t what I was trying to do.
It's on the tip of my tongue but I'm still afraid
Sometimes the only things words do is get in the way
Sometimes the easiest things are the hardest to say
But I don't want to lose you, drive you away
I don’t want to confuse you, I need you to say only wish you knew what I wanted to say only wish you knew what I wanted to say
my hands are shaking
I’m yours for the taking
don’t you hesitate
please just do one thing
one small sign something
lets jump off the edge
At times being with Scott feels like the best thing in the world, but then there are times like this where I don’t have the power to think anymore because all I’ve done is think about how to work things out. Honestly I don’t want to lose Scott but, I can’t see a way to be able to trust him again, it will take time but that is going to be a really long time.
I don’t want us to end, I need a way to fix this but I can’t think of anything, I really don’t want us to end.
But without trust we really wont work.
I know that for sure.
But right now I feel like I’m being held down by something, if this isn’t a way to fix this then, I don’t see us going anywhere...
In some ways I miss me and Scott just being friends, without everything being complicated, and just being able to talk about everything.
This blog will probably tear him apart if he reads it, that wasn’t what it was supposed to do, as much as if probably seems like he doesn’t, he does mean a lot to me, and I really do a care about him a lot but right now he has really hurt me and I’ve tried to forget about everything but... I just can’t.
He says i mean a lot to hi, but hows that true when the first time round he went out with some one 3 hours after we split up... wasn't that hard for him...
I never lied to you, yet you can do it to me...
I never gave you a reason to doubt me, look who it is now...
You say i'm everything to you, how can that be?
Everyone sticks up for him, but no one can really see what it's doing to me and how its making me feel.
Laterz xx
Love you xxx
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
All the things we did and the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you
The way we laughed, the way we kissed
I never thought that I would miss
All the things I used to complain about you
The football games, the hometown friends
I'm was glad to see it end
But tell me why I feel so alone without you?
Ooo oh, Oooh, Yeah,
Here it comes again
That song has a lot of meaning to me sometimes...
I know this will sound weird but since me a Louis broke up it's been easier for us to talk about things, I miss that about him just sitting talking or going for one of those long walks...
I know I and Scott have something really good, but I do miss being able to be with my boyfriend and just spending time together.
I do care about Scott a lot and I know this doesn't seem fair on him to say this, but I just need to get it out of my head.
Today I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking things over and over again. Sometimes I feel like history is repeating itself, being back with Scott was meant to be a fresh start for us both but the same problems came back. I don't know why but when things like this happen you question your decision in the first place, I knew it was going to be hard with the distance but I didn't think it would be like this. I hate comparing us to me and Louis but it is hard not being able to just go and see him, revise with him just being sat there, the little things that seem to make the difference. I hate the fact that we can't see each other when we want to. This was always going to be hard, but now it's just got a lot worse.
Memories are something we'll always have, and will never be able to forget...
I've got so much stuff going on in my head at the moment. It's crazy, I can't decide what’s for the best, I don't want to lose Scott, but it's triggered some really bad stuff at the moment.
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Everything is confusing, I don't think that I have feelings for Louis anymore, I just miss what we had, and wish that I could have that sort of relationship with Scott. The distance causes so many problems. The thing is I’m 16 and he's 15 it would be different if I could drive and see each other every other weekend or something but we can't it months between when we can see each other, and to be honest you can't really call what we have a proper relationship when we don't see each other. Maybe this time I’m not really in it like I was the first time because of everything that has happened. I don’t know. In some ways I feel like by lying to me Scott has pushed me away, I feel like he didn’t feel like he could tell me the truth in the first place. I know I said that I wanted to us to move forward and forget about it, but when this has happened so many times before it’s hard to think that it won’t happen again. I knew that it was going to take a lot for us to work, so everything that goes wrong makes it so much harder and makes me regret wanting to try. I do care about Scott and always probably will, but in some ways I see us ending and not starting out.
oh this is not the way that it should end
it's the way it should begin
it's the way it should begin, again
no, I never wanna fall apart,
never wanna break your heart
never wanna let you break my own
yes, I know we've said a lot of things
that we probably didn't mean
but it's not too late to take them back
so, before you say you're gonna go..
I should probably let you know
that I never knew what I had...
I never knew what I had...
A lot of music says how I feel at the moment... maybe that’s a good thing... maybe it’s not...
At times I think it would have been easier to give Louis a proper chance and see if we could work out (that isn’t the right thing to say I know especially when I’m with Scott but I need to get everything out of my head) Everything seems to go round I circles.
Maybe one of my mates was right maybe I should have just drawn a line under both of them and moved on on my own. But at the time that’s not what I wanted, Scott and I started to get really close again, and I was able to trust him and be able to actually talk to him. In some ways what Louis said originally when Scott and I broke up the first time is true living so far apart with everything like this going on at the moment isn’t fair for either for either of us.
This blog really feels like I’m trying to talk myself out of being with Scott. That wasn’t what I was trying to do.
It's on the tip of my tongue but I'm still afraid
Sometimes the only things words do is get in the way
Sometimes the easiest things are the hardest to say
But I don't want to lose you, drive you away
I don’t want to confuse you, I need you to say only wish you knew what I wanted to say only wish you knew what I wanted to say
my hands are shaking
I’m yours for the taking
don’t you hesitate
please just do one thing
one small sign something
lets jump off the edge
At times being with Scott feels like the best thing in the world, but then there are times like this where I don’t have the power to think anymore because all I’ve done is think about how to work things out. Honestly I don’t want to lose Scott but, I can’t see a way to be able to trust him again, it will take time but that is going to be a really long time.
I don’t want us to end, I need a way to fix this but I can’t think of anything, I really don’t want us to end.
But without trust we really wont work.
I know that for sure.
But right now I feel like I’m being held down by something, if this isn’t a way to fix this then, I don’t see us going anywhere...
In some ways I miss me and Scott just being friends, without everything being complicated, and just being able to talk about everything.
This blog will probably tear him apart if he reads it, that wasn’t what it was supposed to do, as much as if probably seems like he doesn’t, he does mean a lot to me, and I really do a care about him a lot but right now he has really hurt me and I’ve tried to forget about everything but... I just can’t.
He says i mean a lot to hi, but hows that true when the first time round he went out with some one 3 hours after we split up... wasn't that hard for him...
I never lied to you, yet you can do it to me...
I never gave you a reason to doubt me, look who it is now...
You say i'm everything to you, how can that be?
Everyone sticks up for him, but no one can really see what it's doing to me and how its making me feel.
Laterz xx
Love you xxx
Friday, 12 March 2010
Rachel Abedeji ha sactually made my night, twitcam is hilarious.
Had a really funny conversation with scott on the phone, and stacey. lol
Today i have realised that you will always have true friends who stand by you, and there'll be others who are friends when it suits them.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Louis:
i don't need you in my life anymore, so tbh i don't care anymore
Batherzbeaann:
cheer upp, you got people that care about you forget about the other people that make you feel crap, coz there the ones who you don't need :)
Scott:
I love you, and can't wait to see you babe :) forget about last night, i feel really bad about it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I love the fact that you have so many people who are nice talking to your face but behind your back there bitches
laterz xx
love you babe xxxxx
Had a really funny conversation with scott on the phone, and stacey. lol
Today i have realised that you will always have true friends who stand by you, and there'll be others who are friends when it suits them.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Louis:
i don't need you in my life anymore, so tbh i don't care anymore
Batherzbeaann:
cheer upp, you got people that care about you forget about the other people that make you feel crap, coz there the ones who you don't need :)
Scott:
I love you, and can't wait to see you babe :) forget about last night, i feel really bad about it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I love the fact that you have so many people who are nice talking to your face but behind your back there bitches
laterz xx
love you babe xxxxx
Monday, 8 March 2010
"Cozz you had a baad day, and you take everyone down"
all i'm gonna say is that scott means the world to me and without him i dont know where i'd be, he always makes me smile after a bad day.
had a really bad day till i got home, but thats life.
tomorrow will probs be the same and it will be until this is all sorted out.
dont really have much else to say...
laterz xx
love you babyy and i always will xxxx
had a really bad day till i got home, but thats life.
tomorrow will probs be the same and it will be until this is all sorted out.
dont really have much else to say...
laterz xx
love you babyy and i always will xxxx
Saturday, 6 March 2010
"I don’t need a parachute
Baby, if I’ve got you
Baby, if I’ve got you
I don’t need a parachute
You’re gonna catch me
You’re gonna catch if I fall
Down, down, down"
- Charyl Cole, parachute
I've properly fallen out with kersha because of last night, i've tried to sort things out but she wont talk to me, so se can't say that i haven't tried, and what i did was for her own good.
Watched you got served for the zillionth time today :) love that film
ate my weight in biscuits after dinner :D
finished two more portraits today.
Spoke to hiimm today :) he means alot to me and is actually the only person that i can trust at the moment, that wont ge tpissed off with me for caring about them.
laterz xx
love you babe xxxx
Baby, if I’ve got you
Baby, if I’ve got you
I don’t need a parachute
You’re gonna catch me
You’re gonna catch if I fall
Down, down, down"
- Charyl Cole, parachute
I've properly fallen out with kersha because of last night, i've tried to sort things out but she wont talk to me, so se can't say that i haven't tried, and what i did was for her own good.
Watched you got served for the zillionth time today :) love that film
ate my weight in biscuits after dinner :D
finished two more portraits today.
Spoke to hiimm today :) he means alot to me and is actually the only person that i can trust at the moment, that wont ge tpissed off with me for caring about them.
laterz xx
love you babe xxxx
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
A more interesting post
Well the last post was a bit short so i'll write this one whilst watching england play, especially as they aren't doin too great... (first half 1:0 to eypt)
Well the first thing i did when i woke up this morning was check my phone and i had 3 texts from him :) I fell asleep when we were texting last night :/ it was nice to wake up to them though, it reminded me why i love him so much, they was he says how he feels, it's good to know that he can say how he feels to me. Not many guys are like that, it's just one of the millions of things that i like about him.
"oh rooney don't be such a dick" my mum's input to the football... (second half)
When i went down the shop this morning, as normal, 2 creme eggs for 80p!! thought that was amziing. This car nearly crashed not so good.
"what's bart simpsons sister called?" dad not watching the football...god knows what he wanted to know that for
Spent the walk down to the bus stop texting scott :D as usual...
Had media first... emma and bethany are going to start a band :/, anna, "i'm going to the doctors" emma "why" anna "must you know everything about my body? do I need to reveal the secrets of my temple?" major lol.
the rest of the day past in a bit of a blur
1:1 crouch scored (second half)
"he can do that he's such a big man" lol he's huge what they on about big
at last shaun wright-phillips is on :D
got home, found the tab to everything - michael buble and ava marie - beyonce. After talking to scott for a while, spent about an hour practicing my guitar.
Wrote a few more poems although my mum thinks they sound more like lyrics :/ gonna change them...
I'm pretty sure this time me and hiim will be together for a really long time, he means soo much to me. I know this time i won't make the mistake of taking him for granteed like last time. It feels good to be appreciated for a change and to be given respect.
I am as of now looking for a new football team, this weekend i'm starting me new fitness training for myself untill i find a team. Looking at one of the ladies teams in cambridge and now i'm looking for a new pair of boots.
Things are looking so much better, i have some really good friends, a truely amazing boyfriend who i love so much, and everything is just starting to look like it's going somewhere...
2:1 to england shaun wright phillips (second half)
Anyways thats it, but longer than the last one :)
Laterz xx
I lvoe you babe and i always will xxxx
Well the first thing i did when i woke up this morning was check my phone and i had 3 texts from him :) I fell asleep when we were texting last night :/ it was nice to wake up to them though, it reminded me why i love him so much, they was he says how he feels, it's good to know that he can say how he feels to me. Not many guys are like that, it's just one of the millions of things that i like about him.
"oh rooney don't be such a dick" my mum's input to the football... (second half)
When i went down the shop this morning, as normal, 2 creme eggs for 80p!! thought that was amziing. This car nearly crashed not so good.
"what's bart simpsons sister called?" dad not watching the football...god knows what he wanted to know that for
Spent the walk down to the bus stop texting scott :D as usual...
Had media first... emma and bethany are going to start a band :/, anna, "i'm going to the doctors" emma "why" anna "must you know everything about my body? do I need to reveal the secrets of my temple?" major lol.
the rest of the day past in a bit of a blur
1:1 crouch scored (second half)
"he can do that he's such a big man" lol he's huge what they on about big
at last shaun wright-phillips is on :D
got home, found the tab to everything - michael buble and ava marie - beyonce. After talking to scott for a while, spent about an hour practicing my guitar.
Wrote a few more poems although my mum thinks they sound more like lyrics :/ gonna change them...
I'm pretty sure this time me and hiim will be together for a really long time, he means soo much to me. I know this time i won't make the mistake of taking him for granteed like last time. It feels good to be appreciated for a change and to be given respect.
I am as of now looking for a new football team, this weekend i'm starting me new fitness training for myself untill i find a team. Looking at one of the ladies teams in cambridge and now i'm looking for a new pair of boots.
Things are looking so much better, i have some really good friends, a truely amazing boyfriend who i love so much, and everything is just starting to look like it's going somewhere...
2:1 to england shaun wright phillips (second half)
Anyways thats it, but longer than the last one :)
Laterz xx
I lvoe you babe and i always will xxxx
todaayy
I'm really happy, about to go practice my guitar so this is gonna be pretty short.
Thought there was gonna be a big arguement wasn't though.. just a little problem
Forgot some coursework gonna do it tonight some time
Found a whole load of new songs to learn on guitar
Spent most of my spare time textin/ thinkin bout him :)
Laterz xx
Love youu xxxx
Thought there was gonna be a big arguement wasn't though.. just a little problem
Forgot some coursework gonna do it tonight some time
Found a whole load of new songs to learn on guitar
Spent most of my spare time textin/ thinkin bout him :)
Laterz xx
Love youu xxxx
Thursday, 25 February 2010
U-turn day
Well so far today has been just great, i managed to mess up BIG time. My day:
Wake up to a text from louis, which was realli good.
Then we have a little chat that finishes with 'I love you' which was even better
The bus was early so we didnt have to wait in the cold, which was brilliant
Had a reasonable day at school until lunch, which is when things start going messed up. I start talking to scott, go to send him a text explaining why i was't so sure about me a louis, which i accidently end up sending to louis, which i completely regret, and to now i still haven't spoken to louis. So who knows whats going to happen, probably something bad. Hopefully i can fix things. Anyways i'll keep you posted.
Laterz xx
Wake up to a text from louis, which was realli good.
Then we have a little chat that finishes with 'I love you' which was even better
The bus was early so we didnt have to wait in the cold, which was brilliant
Had a reasonable day at school until lunch, which is when things start going messed up. I start talking to scott, go to send him a text explaining why i was't so sure about me a louis, which i accidently end up sending to louis, which i completely regret, and to now i still haven't spoken to louis. So who knows whats going to happen, probably something bad. Hopefully i can fix things. Anyways i'll keep you posted.
Laterz xx
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
I want to hold you and hold you... (alicia keyss)
I totally love that cover :)
It's weird when you are totally sure of something or someone then the smallest thing has to happen to change that.
I have this amazing guy, louis how i totally fell for after he was there for me when i was going through a rough time with scott, we were breaking up after finding out he was cheating on me and it just wasn't working. So Louis was there not judging me for giving it ago, and just being there for me when everything was falling apart. Then we just got closer and closer, and well yeah we ended up together. I thought he was everything, he got on with my parents, he was great to be around, he knew how to make me smile, and was just a great boyfriend. Then he wanted things to move a lot faster than i did, and wanted us to spend a lot more time together that i couldn't give him, with all of my exams, we started arguin about everything and well yeah then it's kind of obvious from there... we split up...
Then i have scott who was great when i was with him. Cute, funny, everything you could ask for, only problem we didn't really get to see each other. But then things went messed up, well they went really messed up. I thought he was cheating on me, the distance wasn't working out, he were starting to drift apart, i guess i ended up feelinh like i couldn't trust him because of small things that went on, lieing about little things that didnt matter but they did in the end.
Now both of them want to be in my life again, but in more ways than as a friend. Until this morning i was absolutely sure i wanted it to be louis then scott was in my head until i had a proper conversation with louis. I'm pretty sure, well more than sure, that i want to make a proper go of things wiht louis, not because i don't care about scott but because of everything that happened before and the reasons why we split up last time, we've just become really close friends again, and i think for now its best that it stayed that way.
Talking with haidee has really helped lol we always talk about our relationship issues :/ She made me realise how much i really do care about louis, and i want to have a fresh start with him.
It won't be easy, i know that because my parents have told me that they don't want us together, but i'm pretty sure it won't take them long to see that he make me happy, and that i want to be with him. If he changes and does what he did before then i won't want to but it will be over then. But i don't know why but most of my friends have changed their minds about him, or seen that i hate being without him because they keep saying that if he makes me happy i should be with him.
Hopefully everything will work out the way i want it too...
Looking forward to cromer after prom should be gooooodd :)
Anyways, thats it
Laterz xx
Monday, 22 February 2010
decisionsss
Over the last couple of days i've seen two sides to louis, the really cute, loving, kind, caring, side that i love and the complete and utter dick that doesn't care about anything other than himself. If i'm totally honest i care about him alot, and i can't believe some of the things he's said especially the part where he wants to be with me for the rest of his life, but he doesn't think he will be able to make it upto me because of what he's done. Hopefully we will be able to sort it out, we getting there and he's getting back to how i know him... which it really good. I know that he is a decent guy, more people should give him a chance. I absolutely hate the fact that he lied to me as he said he never would, and some of the things that were said by both of us, shouldn't of bin said, but well thats the problem with arguements. I want us to get back together, he means a hell of a lot to me. I miss him and our weekends together. Maybe if we have a second chance then we'll do it properly. All i want at the moment is to be with him.
It's good to know someone cares about me, but it's a shame that nothing will happen with us, especially with the distance, and my feelings for louis, i just care about him in a totally different way. Scott makes an amazing friend and i know he has feelings for me, and it's nice to know, but all i see him as is a friend right now, maybe that will change agen one day maybe it wont, but right now my priotity is sorting things out with louis, and seeing if we can get back together, and into a good place. As much as my parents hate that idea, but it's my choice not theirs.
Spoke to laura today for the first time in ages, it's good to hear off of people you haven't spoken to in a long time.
Had a bit of a bad first day back, coz of feeling tired after being ill. But Brenna and Jodie made last lesson amazing. Supply teachers for english should happen more often...especially that old guy he was crazzyyy
-taking the register the teacher calls our JODIE she answers "yes please", he replies "you don't know what i'm offering yet" cringe
and all of brenna's comments everytime he said something were just amazing gotta love that girl.
There was a slight issue with prom dresses today i have no idea why people are gettin them so early but there agen i aint fuss is bout to be honest, i aint bothered about goin to prom. but yeah basically molly bought the dress lizzie thought she'd reserved but hadn't so now molly has it and lizzie has to find another one. GUTTED.
Anyways
laterz xx
Sunday, 21 February 2010
Its funny isn't it...
Some people really do turn out to be people you don't recognise, you tell me everything you think i want to hear, just because you think it means i will sleep with you? what a joke. i won't stop talking to someone because you say so, he actually has been there for me something that you never have been. It's weird to think that i actually once cared about you and thought that we had a future together. You've made a mug of me twice it isnt going to happen again. and on top of that you lied and you think i will forgive you... i dont think so somehow. i was wrong about you, i was wrong to stick up for you and i'm glad i've walked away.
T H A N K Y O U
I really do need to say thank you to scott, i wish more guys were like him. He knows how to pick me up when i'm down, make me smile, he really is a good friend. But he is the only person that really doesn't judge me and gives me proper advice.
this might sound weird, but today i have finally felt a sense of freedom, i'm not tied to anyone, i think i've finally escaped my feelings for louis. right now things are starting to go good again, but i know this for sure i want to get out of here as soon as possible to get away from everything bad thats happened.
i don't know if i want to go to college anymore, i know this means i've changed my mind again, but i don't know if thats where i really want to be anymore, but if i don't go to college i'll need to find a job, and most probably have to start paying for stuff for myself, because my parents would hate it if i don't go to college. but i don't think i can go through the pressure of these exams anymore. plus i'll be 17 three months after september, which means i'll be able to learn to drive, which is a huge positive.
right now, i'm not going to focus on having a relationship with anyone, i'm just going to concentrate on my exams, if that happens it will happen, but at the moment i am happy, being single, i've got great friends, and i finally feel like i'm getitng somewhere, like i'm growing up.
the only worrying thing about saying i don't want a relationship right now is, i'm starting to get that feeling again, where all you want to do is talk to that person, but the distance was too much and it probably would be again, everytime i send him a text i can wait for his reply... I guess maybe if this can all wait till i'm past my exams and i can drive, maybe will can have a future then... at least then we would have a chance, but till then this will have to wait... hopefully it does... i know one thing i'm really missing you like i used to.
The memories that song has...
back to school tomorrow, no more freedom, i am gonna actually draw up a timetable so that i know i'm going to get everything done!
My main priorities from now on:
1. Coursework and revision
2. My friends and family
=2. Scott (he comes into his own section, hes more than a friend, not part of my family, but isn't my boyfriend or anything)
3. Me time!
I'm not going to worry about anything else. I've got everything i need, i just need to make it the most that i can.
laterz xx
T H A N K Y O U
I really do need to say thank you to scott, i wish more guys were like him. He knows how to pick me up when i'm down, make me smile, he really is a good friend. But he is the only person that really doesn't judge me and gives me proper advice.
this might sound weird, but today i have finally felt a sense of freedom, i'm not tied to anyone, i think i've finally escaped my feelings for louis. right now things are starting to go good again, but i know this for sure i want to get out of here as soon as possible to get away from everything bad thats happened.
i don't know if i want to go to college anymore, i know this means i've changed my mind again, but i don't know if thats where i really want to be anymore, but if i don't go to college i'll need to find a job, and most probably have to start paying for stuff for myself, because my parents would hate it if i don't go to college. but i don't think i can go through the pressure of these exams anymore. plus i'll be 17 three months after september, which means i'll be able to learn to drive, which is a huge positive.
right now, i'm not going to focus on having a relationship with anyone, i'm just going to concentrate on my exams, if that happens it will happen, but at the moment i am happy, being single, i've got great friends, and i finally feel like i'm getitng somewhere, like i'm growing up.
the only worrying thing about saying i don't want a relationship right now is, i'm starting to get that feeling again, where all you want to do is talk to that person, but the distance was too much and it probably would be again, everytime i send him a text i can wait for his reply... I guess maybe if this can all wait till i'm past my exams and i can drive, maybe will can have a future then... at least then we would have a chance, but till then this will have to wait... hopefully it does... i know one thing i'm really missing you like i used to.
The memories that song has...
back to school tomorrow, no more freedom, i am gonna actually draw up a timetable so that i know i'm going to get everything done!
My main priorities from now on:
1. Coursework and revision
2. My friends and family
=2. Scott (he comes into his own section, hes more than a friend, not part of my family, but isn't my boyfriend or anything)
3. Me time!
I'm not going to worry about anything else. I've got everything i need, i just need to make it the most that i can.
laterz xx
Friday, 19 February 2010
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I can see this is going to be a bit of a ramble so feel free to STOP NOW!
"I'd Rather"
I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone)
and I tried to find
out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah
And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection built on lies, all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart
I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine,
I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you,
than good times with someone else (I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime),
than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times to gether,
than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)
I'd rather have bad times with you (surely),
than good times with someone else (surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah),
than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart (you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoooo.....who holds my heart
The lyrics incase you can't be bothered to listen to it ;)
Well to be honest, i need to be honest with myself, and two guys.
I hopefully neither of them read this before i get to talk to them but if they do then, i can't really help that seeing as i usually write stuff here to make it clear in my head.
Scott,
-I'm sorry but right now, and i doubt that i ever will have feelings for you like i did before. I've probably seemed like thats what i wanted the last couple of days and it's unfair to lead you on. I need you as a friend, thats how we work best. YOU WILL find someone one day, just don't go looking for it, let that person come to you, i just don't think thats me, you a pearl didn't work out, (this is going to sound harsh but i did say in the beginning of this post that i was going to be honest) and tbh I'm glad you didn't work out, thats why we broke up because of her, that probably sounds really out of order but its the truth, and to tell you the truth, she seemed a bit of a cow (no intention to offend you) and you deserve better. Well i can't really say much for jazz but you couldn't really see things going terrible well with you and her if you were telling me you loved me, really... I don't want to lose you as a friend especially as we are so close but that's all we can be. You'll probably be pissed at me but you needed to know this.
Louis,
- Now this is when it get complicated really, it's unbelieveably (who cares if i spelt that word right) scary to think that i care about you this much. You were right i was dneying it everytime i told you i didn't but i guess everytime i was trying to get you out of my head, and everytime i thought i was something would remind me of you or us and then you would be the main thing i thought about. You've said you want me back, and well you know that i want that too, but things aren't going to be easy, firstly because of the people who will be against us being together (kind of obvious that one) and because there are somethings we'll need to work out. But if you want this as much as i do then we'll be able to sort it out. If you don't think we can or you are only saying the things i want to here then please walk away now, i can't have you messing with my head any more than you already have. I've said this to you before, i want to be there for you through the good an bad and not just walk away when things are hard, i mean what i say when i say i care about you, we're teenagers we don't really honestly know what love is but if this is it i'm not going to let it slip away from me, if i have a chance to see what real love is then i want to see what it's like. I really want this but only if it is for the right reasons.
Friends,
- You are going to make it hard, because i know what you think about everything thats gone on between me and louis, you haven't really kept that a secret to be honest :P but i want this and i want to be happy, so what you say won't change my oppinion of him, give him a chance, he's a good guy, you just haven't really managed to see that with whats happened.
Family,
- Well you pretty much are the same as the friends one but I really need you to take a step back on this one and take my judgement as the best one for this, i really do.
Anyways,
Laterz xx
Ps. maybe next time i'll be able to say that 'we' are together again, maybe not but what ever happens all you guys will find out ;)
"I'd Rather"
I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone)
and I tried to find
out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah
And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection built on lies, all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart
I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine,
I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you,
than good times with someone else (I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime),
than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times to gether,
than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)
I'd rather have bad times with you (surely),
than good times with someone else (surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah),
than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart (you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoooo.....who holds my heart
The lyrics incase you can't be bothered to listen to it ;)
Well to be honest, i need to be honest with myself, and two guys.
I hopefully neither of them read this before i get to talk to them but if they do then, i can't really help that seeing as i usually write stuff here to make it clear in my head.
Scott,
-I'm sorry but right now, and i doubt that i ever will have feelings for you like i did before. I've probably seemed like thats what i wanted the last couple of days and it's unfair to lead you on. I need you as a friend, thats how we work best. YOU WILL find someone one day, just don't go looking for it, let that person come to you, i just don't think thats me, you a pearl didn't work out, (this is going to sound harsh but i did say in the beginning of this post that i was going to be honest) and tbh I'm glad you didn't work out, thats why we broke up because of her, that probably sounds really out of order but its the truth, and to tell you the truth, she seemed a bit of a cow (no intention to offend you) and you deserve better. Well i can't really say much for jazz but you couldn't really see things going terrible well with you and her if you were telling me you loved me, really... I don't want to lose you as a friend especially as we are so close but that's all we can be. You'll probably be pissed at me but you needed to know this.
Louis,
- Now this is when it get complicated really, it's unbelieveably (who cares if i spelt that word right) scary to think that i care about you this much. You were right i was dneying it everytime i told you i didn't but i guess everytime i was trying to get you out of my head, and everytime i thought i was something would remind me of you or us and then you would be the main thing i thought about. You've said you want me back, and well you know that i want that too, but things aren't going to be easy, firstly because of the people who will be against us being together (kind of obvious that one) and because there are somethings we'll need to work out. But if you want this as much as i do then we'll be able to sort it out. If you don't think we can or you are only saying the things i want to here then please walk away now, i can't have you messing with my head any more than you already have. I've said this to you before, i want to be there for you through the good an bad and not just walk away when things are hard, i mean what i say when i say i care about you, we're teenagers we don't really honestly know what love is but if this is it i'm not going to let it slip away from me, if i have a chance to see what real love is then i want to see what it's like. I really want this but only if it is for the right reasons.
Friends,
- You are going to make it hard, because i know what you think about everything thats gone on between me and louis, you haven't really kept that a secret to be honest :P but i want this and i want to be happy, so what you say won't change my oppinion of him, give him a chance, he's a good guy, you just haven't really managed to see that with whats happened.
Family,
- Well you pretty much are the same as the friends one but I really need you to take a step back on this one and take my judgement as the best one for this, i really do.
Anyways,
Laterz xx
Ps. maybe next time i'll be able to say that 'we' are together again, maybe not but what ever happens all you guys will find out ;)
Thursday, 18 February 2010
S C O T T C O L L I N S
I know things between us ended badly, and i know that until we are able to see each other properly there isn't a way we could be together like we were, but maybe one day we can go back to that some day and make a proper go of it. You are a really good guy, and you truely do care about the people around you, it's a shame some people treat you the way they do, you deserve better. You know how to cheer people up, and you know the right things to say. I'm glad we've managed to sort things out after everything, and become close again, it means alot to me.
Laterz xx
Laterz xx
Monday, 15 February 2010
sorryyy....
I know i promised to post the other video and that but i haven't had time to post, so you know... anyways here's some more things that i've done:
Basically the idea of it was to create a video about knife crime from the victims point of view, i dunno if it works or not.... :/
Well i didn't have a valentine for valentine's day but i know alot of people did so i made this to a good love song, well i think it's good anyways :), here it is:
Now, I have made another video, and it took todays to make because i kept changing my mind about it, editing it adding different photos, etc but this is how it ended up:
You can see it isn't like my other videos, lately i've realised how much i really do need my close friends so i thought i could maybe make a small thanks, whether it doe sit or not i dont know, but i hope they like it :)
It's quite funny how some people turn out really, i saw someone today that i hadn't seen in ages and they didnt even say hello back :( oh well you can't win everyone can you :)
Today i had a really good day with my sister, we never really spend anytime together so it was good to go into town with her, (and she paid for everything :D lol) the best bits where:
buying millies cookies, 6 of them to be exact (!) Tash stands there ready to pay and i say really loudly, your hungry today aren't you, the woman didn't look to amused (lol)
buying some books in waterstones, again 6 of them (got a thing about that number), Tash stands there ready to pay (again!) and i say really loudly again, you like reading don't you Tash, then the woman then says sarcastically you want a bag for those (lol)
then we went back into waterstones coz i wanted to get another book for blender (long story) and Tash looks through the other books and pulls a katie price book out of the box and says i wonder how much thats bin reduced to (lol)
Well tuesday tomorrow goin shopping with the parents, well at least it mean there'll be some chocolate and other random junk food for the rest of half term :) then i plan to sit down and actually make a good animation, well at least start one, i need to think of an idea...
I've start to get really interested in video editing, animations and random graphics again recently and i seem to of got better, well i leave you to be the judge of that :)
anyways, i haven't got much else to say really, so...
laterz xx
Basically the idea of it was to create a video about knife crime from the victims point of view, i dunno if it works or not.... :/
Well i didn't have a valentine for valentine's day but i know alot of people did so i made this to a good love song, well i think it's good anyways :), here it is:
Now, I have made another video, and it took todays to make because i kept changing my mind about it, editing it adding different photos, etc but this is how it ended up:
You can see it isn't like my other videos, lately i've realised how much i really do need my close friends so i thought i could maybe make a small thanks, whether it doe sit or not i dont know, but i hope they like it :)
It's quite funny how some people turn out really, i saw someone today that i hadn't seen in ages and they didnt even say hello back :( oh well you can't win everyone can you :)
Today i had a really good day with my sister, we never really spend anytime together so it was good to go into town with her, (and she paid for everything :D lol) the best bits where:
buying millies cookies, 6 of them to be exact (!) Tash stands there ready to pay and i say really loudly, your hungry today aren't you, the woman didn't look to amused (lol)
buying some books in waterstones, again 6 of them (got a thing about that number), Tash stands there ready to pay (again!) and i say really loudly again, you like reading don't you Tash, then the woman then says sarcastically you want a bag for those (lol)
then we went back into waterstones coz i wanted to get another book for blender (long story) and Tash looks through the other books and pulls a katie price book out of the box and says i wonder how much thats bin reduced to (lol)
Well tuesday tomorrow goin shopping with the parents, well at least it mean there'll be some chocolate and other random junk food for the rest of half term :) then i plan to sit down and actually make a good animation, well at least start one, i need to think of an idea...
I've start to get really interested in video editing, animations and random graphics again recently and i seem to of got better, well i leave you to be the judge of that :)
anyways, i haven't got much else to say really, so...
laterz xx
Saturday, 13 February 2010
well...
so i got a new program yesterday, sony vegas pro 9.0 and i wanted to try it out and see what it could do. I've got a youtube account so i thought why not make something that everyone could see, so this is what came of it:
I thought that bullying is a big topic, i'm a cybermentor, so why not? I made another one but haven't had time to upload it yet, so i'll post it tomorrow!
I've decided i'm going to post more videos on youtube now that i've got a better program.
Things are finally back on track, yes i'm single and yes i'm actually happy about it, i have some really close mates now and who would have thought that one of those would actually include one of the people that had once hurt me the most! I guess seeing another side of him and going back to being mates is easy for us because we forgave each other, and well me and louis haven't quite got to that stage yet, but we're working on it. Me and scott (or scoot :P lol) seem to have made a fresh start and being this close to him again is actually quite good, especially as i thought that it would never happen! Thats one of the best things about friendship, you can go through so much together, good and bad but you still have each other to rely on. Yeah, i'm not going to say people should fall out but in some cases it makes you stronger.
Just like another very special friend of mine! We've gone through a major fall out last year but now i know that i can rely on her, and that what ever i need whether its cheering up or just some advice she'll be there. Thats the best thing about friendship people are there for you in different ways, me and scott can't be there for each other in person but we can be with advice and just talking and having a laugh. Where as me and bethany can be there for each other whatever we need whenever we need it. I'm not saying those two are my only closest friends but those two right now are the ones who i have gone through the most ups and downs with and probably know the most about me, because i can be open with them, as well as be myself around them, which is probably the best thing!
Friendhsip is deffiantely one of the things i'm most thankful for.
Aanyways,
Laterz xx
I thought that bullying is a big topic, i'm a cybermentor, so why not? I made another one but haven't had time to upload it yet, so i'll post it tomorrow!
I've decided i'm going to post more videos on youtube now that i've got a better program.
Things are finally back on track, yes i'm single and yes i'm actually happy about it, i have some really close mates now and who would have thought that one of those would actually include one of the people that had once hurt me the most! I guess seeing another side of him and going back to being mates is easy for us because we forgave each other, and well me and louis haven't quite got to that stage yet, but we're working on it. Me and scott (or scoot :P lol) seem to have made a fresh start and being this close to him again is actually quite good, especially as i thought that it would never happen! Thats one of the best things about friendship, you can go through so much together, good and bad but you still have each other to rely on. Yeah, i'm not going to say people should fall out but in some cases it makes you stronger.
Just like another very special friend of mine! We've gone through a major fall out last year but now i know that i can rely on her, and that what ever i need whether its cheering up or just some advice she'll be there. Thats the best thing about friendship people are there for you in different ways, me and scott can't be there for each other in person but we can be with advice and just talking and having a laugh. Where as me and bethany can be there for each other whatever we need whenever we need it. I'm not saying those two are my only closest friends but those two right now are the ones who i have gone through the most ups and downs with and probably know the most about me, because i can be open with them, as well as be myself around them, which is probably the best thing!
Friendhsip is deffiantely one of the things i'm most thankful for.
Aanyways,
Laterz xx
Sunday, 17 January 2010
Realisation
hhmmm well maybe things werent as bad as i thought they were all you need to do is talk, it seems to solve everything at the moment.
This morning was pretty weird, went to church for the first time in like my whole life (and no sunday school when it's not your choice doesnt really count in my mind) we went to visit my great nan and granddads graves, along with great uncle eric, tania, and clive. It was the first time i'd been to see them and i'm really glad i did coz it helped me work some stuff out in my head. All of them were people my mum knew, clive and tania were friends of hers, tania got run over by a van (pretty grim, i know) and clive hung himself (also pretty grim). But it did make me realise that losing someone even if it isn't by death can affect you in a big way so you've got to try everything to make things right before it's too late.
Had a pretty amazing afternoon with Louis, he cheered me up after this morning, and it was good to just talk about everything.
anyways i'm off tv is pretty good today,
Laterz xoxoxo
This morning was pretty weird, went to church for the first time in like my whole life (and no sunday school when it's not your choice doesnt really count in my mind) we went to visit my great nan and granddads graves, along with great uncle eric, tania, and clive. It was the first time i'd been to see them and i'm really glad i did coz it helped me work some stuff out in my head. All of them were people my mum knew, clive and tania were friends of hers, tania got run over by a van (pretty grim, i know) and clive hung himself (also pretty grim). But it did make me realise that losing someone even if it isn't by death can affect you in a big way so you've got to try everything to make things right before it's too late.
Had a pretty amazing afternoon with Louis, he cheered me up after this morning, and it was good to just talk about everything.
anyways i'm off tv is pretty good today,
Laterz xoxoxo
Saturday, 16 January 2010
just like a tower of cards
It always happens like this, everything seems to be going really good then like one of those towers made of cards it all just collapses one little bit at a time and I just can never save it in time. Right now it’s looking like I have most probably lost one of my closest friends, me and my boyfriend are on the rocks, and well the rest just isn’t worth talking about... Tomorrow hopefully I can find out the truth with Louis and why he wasn’t upfront with it all in the beginning, and well I don’t really know how to handle the whole argument with her because I don’t particularly know what I have done wrong so I can’t see how I can fix it, hopefully everything will sort itself out, especially as right now I don’t want to lose either of them.
I love how whenever you plan everything because it’s England it decided to rain, it ruins everything!
What is the obsession with finding out our family tree I mean it isn’t even all that interesting I know all the way back to my great grandparents surely that is far enough? So now we are going to look round some graveyard to find out when exactly when one of my mum’s uncles lived, I can’t contain the excitement.
Found a pretty amazing program today, spent hours making beats (I really do have a bit of a sad life) then had a DVD afternoon with my mother, was pretty good, but i did end up having to explain half of it to her...
I really do hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow so that I can see Louis.
Anyways there really isn’t that much to say today, it’s just been one of those days where I’ve thought things over way more than I should of.
Laterz xoxoxo
Friday, 15 January 2010
quick changes
I couldn't ask for a better way to spend my weekend other than with Louis, I really hope is great granddad pulls through.
It's kind of funny how yesterday I was saying how lucky I am to have all of my friends, and I am, but I wish it all came without the problems. I mean how come us girls can be so bitchy, it would all be so much simpler if we were just like guys, throw a few punches and be mates again. But no, we hold the worlds longest grudges to the point that we don't even remember why we were holding the grudge in the first place. It's through these ties that you know who your true friends are as they are the ones who never judge you and let you and the other person work things out without getting involved.
The last couple of days have showed me how much me and Louis need each other, with everything going on with his family and eerything going on between me and my friends, it's good to know that we have each other to turn to. I don't know what i would have done without him the last couple of months, even while i was with scott and he couldnt be there for me Louis was always willing to listen and was always there for me, I am so glad that weve become what we have, because I don't know where I would be without him right now especially as it looks like i may lose one of the people i'm closest to.
Well the highlight of my day was ermm, well it was school can't really say there was a highlight to my day can i?? So, looking forward to tomorrow the whole afternoon with louis, and then the same on sunday, well who needs revision.
I dont really have a clue why but i can never bring myself to revise for any of my exams supposed to have sience exams next week but i just can't concentrate on the revision, to be honest i can't really be asked anymore either i can't wait to leave school and just start aain somewhere new.
anyways thats me done for today,
laterz xoxoxo
Thursday, 14 January 2010
2010
Wow, my first proper, actual, interesting post for 2010 :)
So, it’s 2010, a new year, a new decade and time for a fresh start. No more being walked over by people, being stabbed in the back or any of that stuff. Last year was full of ups and downs, fall outs and break ups but now I’m ready to put that all behind me and start a fresh. Now it’s going to be about:
1. Friends – no more being walked over by so called friends. I’m going to concentrate on the ones I have, the people I can trust. If someone feels the need to talk about me behind my back then they can do it because to be honest I can’t be bothered with people like that anymore I’m passed caring about those people. I’ve got friends that I can trust, stand by me, make me laugh, I can have a good time with and know will always be there (yes we’ve all fallen out at times but I hope there won’t be any more of those times). If I lose friends then they can’t of bin that great a friend in the first place, can they?
2. Boyfriends <3 – finally had enough of being with jerks, hopefully I have found the right guy (which I’m sure I have), finally I’m happy and we’re doing good together, everything I want in a guy is in him, kind, caring, funny, loving, respects me. Four days till we’ll of bin together for a month, it’s gone so fast but I’ve enjoyed every minute of it, ILYOUU!
3. Guitar – I’m actually sticking to my hour a day of practice time, which is quite surprising, but I am actually improving, slowly. Maybe one day I’ll be able to just play anything I want but for now it’s a case of hand exercises, chords and tones of practice!
4. School – I’ve changed my mind plenty of times about wanting to go onto college, but now I’m pretty sure that it’s what I want to do, as eventually I want to get into events management. Now I need to work hard and get the grades so I can actually do that. Hopefully I’ll be able to study business studies, leisure studies, media studies and ICT.
Obviously my family should be in that list but since October 2008 we’ve been spending a lot of time together so my life is all about my family anyways and everything else normally has to fit around them, so now I think it’s time to maybe spend more time with Louis and all of my friends.
I’m going to start having a new outlook on life, if it hasn’t got anything to do with me then I’m not going to worry about it, I’m not going to think things over as much as I used to, I’m just going to let things happen and see where it leads me to.
My music taste has changed quite a bit over the last year I don’t just listen to mainstream music anymore; I listen to everything, that’s probably got quite a bit to do with my YouTube addiction.
I’ve developed this thing for writing poetry of the last 5 – 6 months, hopefully I’m getting better and the subjects I write about are varying a lot more. I’ve also found out that I can draw portraits from photos, I’ve never been able to do it until recently, but it was pretty cool to find out I can do it.
Something that has really changed the way I am with people and how I see things is DI4R, it was probably the most amazing week of my life, I’ll never forget the people (well there is one person I can try and forget). The memories are pretty insane too, team DIVERSITY all the way, hopefully we can all meet up again this summer. From DI4R I’ve got three of the best mates I’ve ever met Laura, Zahra and Jaz.
But those to aren’t the only people I couldn’t live without; Molly.Hannah.Clauds.Milly.Hayley.Michelle.Bethany.Brenna.Mica
Without those guys the last few years would have been so hard and I probably wouldn’t have got through it. That’s why I try to be there for them as much as they have for me because they always do so much for me:
Molly. I know that with her I can talk to her about everything and work out what to do about it all. But not only that we have so many good times together and I know that I can always rely on her. Cow and the frog.
Hannah. I can trust her with anything and she’s been there for me through some pretty tough stuff, and her iphone is one immense little gadget.
Clauds. With our little theories, serious chats and just plain weird moments I don’t know what I’d do without her. She’s one of the few people who have really stood by me through everything.
Milly. Got to love my little ginger, her music and our amazing dancing. She always manages to make me smile no matter what mood I’m in.
Hayley. We always talk and mess around there isn’t anything I wouldn’t be able to talk to her about because we always help each other out with our problems.
Michelle. TUNEEE, we have some pretty amazing maths lessons together, she’s one of those people you can always rely on and will always be there to support you.
Bethany. We’ve been through a lot, fallen out, made up, but we are so close, I can trust her with everything, she always knows when something’s up and was one of the only people who know the truth about that October. She always helps me sort stuff out.
Brenna. What would I do without bren bren, one of the only people that doesn’t really judge anyone and you can trust 100% , can put a smile on your face when you don’t even think it’s possible.
Mica. I know I can rely on her and will always be there with a hug when you’re feeling down and will just sit there if you don’t want to talk.
The main thing about our little group of friends is that they’re always supportive and I know that they’ll always be there for me in some way or another, yeah we’ve fallen out but we always sort it out and move on (but there again what friends don’t fall out).
But there’s still one very special friend that I haven’t mentioned and that’s Kersha. I’ve known her for 13 years and we’ve always been close, I trust her with my life. There’s nothing we wouldn’t tell each other because we always do. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have her. Through everything I know I’ve always got her and she’ll always have me, that’s the way it’s always been and the way it’s going to stay.
Louis <3. He’s been there for me the last couple of months, but only recently (18th December 2009) have we become more. I’m glad we have because I couldn’t ask for anyone else to be by my side. He means so much to me. When I first met him all the way back in primary school I’d never of guessed we’d end up the way we have, but I’m really glad we have because he is the most amazing person anyone could ever meet, kind.caring.funny.loving what more could anyone want? I hope that we last.
I get distracted really easily but that’s just the way I roll, here is the last few things;
Friends.family.louis.music.guitar.eastenders.poetry.art.markers.green.airwalk.basketball
That’s it from me today,
Laterz xoxox
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