Right, I’m not bored at all, second blog of the day...

Not spoken to Scott much at all today, I’m in a really bad mood now and I don’t even know why. SUCKS, BIG TIME.

I need to tone up again.

I was going to have an early night and watch some dvd’s but I can’t find anything to watch and it doesn’t feel the same watching a film without Scott.

I need something or someone to get me out of this weird mood I was fine till I got home from college. I hate this mood.

I’m not even excited about my birthday on Tuesday, I’ve not got any plans, I’m at college and it’s just going to be like any other day. GREAT

And my aunty has to have an operation, so that’s not too great either.

I really want to talk to Scott but he’s busy at his party. I really don't want to lose him, at the moment I'm distracting myself from all of this stuff by looking for his christmas present I really want to find something special for him that he can keep, but also something that he will really like.

I need a good hug.

Laterz xo
Love you xxx

Shut Up & Kiss Me

If I’m honest I haven’t really done anything today.

I fixed my phone though I was quite proud of myself!

I feel like I’ve hardly spoken to Scott today I was hoping we could talk properly because we don't really seem to talk much lately. On the upside I’m seeing him tomorrow. That feels kind of weird to be able to say that but really good at the same time! I can't wait to be with him again.

Most of today has been taken up looking for some new music and nothing else really.

I’m really tired and I’ve only just realised I’ve done like none of my work for college... oh well

There isn’t much else to write about

Laterz xo

Love you xxxx

Some songs I found today...

Just SMILE :)

Well, what can I say about today, eventful is probably the best word to describe it to be honest.

I woke up really early, my body wouldn’t let me stay in bed so I got up, BIG mistake really, once I logged onto all the millions of social networking sites I’m part of I flicked through all the stuff I’d been tagged in on facebook, another mistake! Scott had tagged me in a nice status saying that he loved me, what wasn’t so good about it was the comments beneath it saying that he had asked out other girls and is apparently a really big flirt, you can probably guess my reaction... I wasn’t happy to say the least.

I tried texting him and didn’t get a reply for ages, but when he did reply he denied it, and well even if it was true he would have denied it but to be honest there was something about what and how he said it that made me realise he actually did mean it. He is coming on Wednesday too so I can’t wait to get past all of today and wake up tomorrow a day closer to seeing him.

Ended up going to Tesco’s a usual part of my weekend but we didn’t go this weekend so as there is literally NO FOOD in our house we needed to get some stuff, I managed to persuade my mum to get another chocolate cake, BONUS and some mini chocolate éclairs DOUBLE BONUS, so it wasn’t a wasted trip.

This afternoon has been spent watching how to lose a guy in 10 days, I love that film. But it did get me thinking about what it is that really makes me fall for someone and how I like to be treated by a guy. Yes I have had a few boyfriends and obviously I’m with Scott at the moment and I hope to be for a very long time, but there have been boys who we can say didn’t really know how to treat me as their girlfriend.

Obviously there are all the obvious things too like showing your girlfriend off to your friends and not being ashamed of her but for me I find there are several things that really and I mean really annoy me...

I know this can sound really pathetic but if you want to go out with me just ask me, I mean seriously if someone drops hints that they want to be with me and flirts with me all the time don’t complain when I go with someone else by the time you get your act together. Another thing that annoys me is when a guy calls me fit, I mean fit? Really? Just don’t do it, if you’re talking about exercise and being fit that way then yes obviously it’s okay but not when you’re talking about looks, beautiful is the best compliment to use and gorgeous is also really good but NEVER fit.


One word texts to answer things I mean it’s not hard to expand a little is it? I mean obviously people can be busy but is it necessary to shorten every word down to two letters making me try to decipher what you were trying to get at.

Flirting with other girls and cheating is a BIG no, I mean flirting why bother when you can do it with the girl your with and cheating why are you with the girl if you want someone or something else, it’ll just break her heart at least have the guts to break up with her and tell her she isn’t what you want rather than letting her find out for herself.

I hate it when a guy only wants one thing seriously why do guys always think they can get what they want if they tell you your beautiful, trust me there is no way I’m going to jump into bed with you if I’ve only known you five minutes.

I love it when a guy puts in the effort and tries to do something nice and romantic it really means a lot, just something little like a text to wake up to or to say your thinking about her can mean the world to her.

Guys who actually talk about their feelings and not turn to someone else, part of the reason why a girl wants t be your girlfriend is because she wants to be there for you!! And it can work in the reverse too there are times when we want someone to talk to about how we feel it’s nice to know your actually there.

I hate and I mean I hate it when other people become par t of the relationship I mean the relationship is between two people so why is his ex-girlfriend joining in?

The biggest thing for me though is being treated as if I actually mean something to the person I am with because they always mean something to me otherwise I wouldn’t be with them.

Scott is great because he is everything I could ask for, obviously things aren’t perfect with our relationship, especially with the distance but he is always there for me and I couldn’t ask for more from him. The funniest thing is when people say we shouldn’t be together because of the distance; I mean why should that stop us being together.

There is loads of things I need to get sorted out, and getting a job is on top of that list especially as I am so close to being 17 and will be able to start driving. I can’t wait to be able to pass my test as it will mean I will be able to see Scott more which will be amazing!

The last few weeks I’ve been thinking about what I want to do when I leave college, I know I’ve only just started but it’s only two years away and if I’ve learnt anything time goes really fast, I’ve decided that I want to study something to do with the media at university. Hopefully I will be able to do it at Bournemouth, but I’m also looking at other universities in case I can’t get into Bournemouth but Bournemouth will definitely be my first choice although I have been looking at universities in America and they do look pretty good but I don’t want to be that far from my family.

Laterz xo

Love you xxxx

Baby take my open heart and all it offers, Cause this is as unconditional as it'll ever get

Raining and grey skies...GREAT!

But I did get to speak to my amazing boyfriend this morning! Although that was after I overslept and forgot to go online to speak to him, I feel so bad for that, but it did mean I got to hear his voice. Everything seems to finally be falling into place, I have my boyfriend back and this time I’m not questioning it but enjoying and appreciating having him by my side!

Last night I finally worked out what I wanted and now I know I’m never going to take him for granted! He means the world to me, and I really can’t live without him.

Today I’ve spent a while thinking about the future, and what I really want to do and achieve, I know that I want Scott to be a part of it and that I defiantly want to go to university and I know where I want to go.

I hopefully have a place at long road, studying media, business, politics and ICT. I need to get my grades at GCSE which I know I can do! I just need to push myself to get the final pieces of coursework done then I need to put together a revision timetable that I can stick to, because the one I’ve got at the moment I don’t stick to.

Then after college hopefully I can get a place at Bournemouth University studying media, that means a lot of hard work to get in but I really want to go to university. That’s a massive change from what I wanted last September but I’ve seen that you get out of life what you put into it, so if I work hard now I’ll be able to have a good future.

Today another dream I used to have came back and this is something I definitely want to work on. I used to want to play for England ladies football team, and Arsenal ladies but then I got injured playing and had to quit to take the strain off of my knee otherwise it wouldn’t heal properly, now that it has I’m going to work on getting my fitness back and finding a team.

I know I’m 16 why plan my life out but these are things that I definitely want to achieve, and are things that I can achieve if I put my mind to it.

I was really surprised I thought Louis would cause me more trouble but he’s just left me alone and done what I’ve asked him to, last night I cut every means of him talking to me off so he can’t cause any more trouble between me and Scott.

There’s something that I’ve left out the list of what I want out of the future, and that’s the part that includes Scott. Last night I was talking to Molly, (who used to hate me being with Scott but know she’s happy for us because we’re so happy together) and we ended up talking about Jamie (her boyfriend) and Scott it was weird, but good weird, because we were talking about our relationships and everything, I kept saying how this time we were going to work because this time I feel something that I haven’t felt about our relationship before, yes I’ve always loved Scott but there’s something different about us this time it feels right being together, but not just right, I feel like if me and Scott broke up then I would fall apart, I haven’t felt that way before, this time my feelings for him are definitely a lot stronger. That’s what lead on to the next part of the conversation and where it started to get scary, but good scary, and sort of puts where I see and want Scott to be in my future. We started talking about who we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with, and I know without any doubt that for me that person has to be Scott I couldn’t imagine having anyone else by my side, and then me and Molly started talking about marriage and everything, and for the first time in my life I can say without any hesitation that yes the distance is hard but it proves that what we feel about each other is strong because it can last with the distance in between us. Not many people’s relationships would work with how we do, but this makes me even more sure that Scott is the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with, how do I know that when I’m only 16, not many people go to bed at night smiling and wake up again smiling all because of one person, not many people, have someone who doesn’t give up on them and walk away when they do, not many people have what me and Scott have. It’s so scary to need someone so much when they could just walk away, but having Scott by my side makes me feel like I can do anything, I know I can turn to him if I need support, and I know that he’s always got me, there’s no running away when things get hard, I’m standing by him through everything, the good and the bad! No more letting people come between us and everything that we have, this is forever and nothing or no one will come in between that!

Love youuu xxxx

never let you go

I could be any happier, i've got my babyy back, and this time i'm not going to screw it up with scott, he means everything to me!!

I love you baby xx

nothing elose exciting has happened to day, so small blog today, i promise a long one for tomorrow!!

you dam near where my everything, and your still on my mind

Louis has been talkin to me the last few days and we're so close as mates i dont know whether goin out would ruin it.

I could either crush scott again or make him really happy, but i'm not entirely sure which is best.

life is hard, but i know i've gotta do what makes me happy, sod everyone else, selfish yeah but i'm not gonna be held in a situation where i'm not goin to be happy.

time to make a few decisions, i love louis, but care about scott, there's the difference, already, i dont want scott to get hurt but i want to spend alll my free time with louis, i guess i know my answer i just dont want to make the actions. I know over the time me and scott have become more like really close friends. But at least well i hope i know he'll always be there for me.

I know scott will find someone soon coz he's a really nice person, but he needs someone he can have a proper relationship with, i know he'll hurt but that'll go away.

i need to do what right for me, right now thats seeing how things go with louis...

ONE MONTH

its gone so quick but we've bin together a month :) love you babe xxx
I couldn't imagine being with anyone else! Your everything and more than i could want or need, i love you so much. I'm going to be by your side for as long as you want me to be.

nothin much has happened today, so thats all i really wanted to post about...

LOVE YOU BABYY

Just an ordinary girl

I don’t normally do this on my blog but my love for music has taken over and new music deffinately doesn’t get the coverage it needs and this person has one really good voice!
Tara London – she writes her own songs and has a really and I mean really unique sound. Check it out!



Right moving on from my little advertisement...

Things got heated with Louis today, had a really good conversation with him tonight
Back with Scott, but I’m still not 100% sure it’s the right thing to do

I’m really tired so off to bed I go, Oh and hi to my new follower!!

You were my all or nothing, hopefully your going to be my all!

The simple way to put today (names need to be used!):

I haven’t felt held back by anything had a really good conversation with Louis, last night and it did turn kind of flirty, guess it’s just one of those things, but it was weird especially as he told me he liked me :/ and carried on speaking to him today and it was kind of flirty again.

But I guess I can be like that coz I am single again, and yeah this sounds bad but I am kind of happy about it because there’s no way it would have gone any further. I do feel bad for Scott but he will find someone else and I really hope he does. But by breaking things off it means I won't be able to hurt him by going with Louis behind his back.

Louis has already started making me smile but my parents aren’t sure about me and him yet but they said, they just want to see me happy, so if things with Louis go any further then it will make me happy.

I’ll keep you posted; love for a teenager can be kind of complicated!

"I turned into your perfect girl, a total stranger"

So the basics for all the new people that are reading this, I blog because I find it the easiest way to empty my head, by writing everything down I can see everything as it is and not have to keep thinking it over, well sometimes I do but you can’t always help that. I like to write other stuff too like poems, but I haven’t really written much else other than my blog for a couple of months.

Music plays a big part of my life (no pun intended!). I have a song for every memory, moment, feeling that I listen to. I don’t just listen to one type of music because each type of music can fit into different situations.

Being a teenager you get to experience a lot, friendship, love, fall outs, break ups, arguments, and bitchy people, all of that stuff. But it’s being a teenager that everything major really happens, like your GCSEs, leaving school, college, learning to drive as and a levels, university everything major that could change your life happens when you’re a teenager. Yet everyone thinks you’re too young to make important decisions and they still make all of this stuff happen when you’re not even adult...pretty stupid if you ask me.

It’s weird when you think you know someone and then they go and say something and it’s completely different to the person that you thought they were. But there again everyone one can perceive themselves to be someone different to everyone but only they themselves truly know who they are.

I find it hard to let people in my life, but once I let them into my life it’s hard to let them go again. I don’t choose just to have friends; all my friends are really close to me in some way or another and I know I’ll always be able to rely on them. I do think girls and guys can be friends without having anything else and yeah sometimes this does become more but girl/ guy friendships are the best friendships to have because there’s never that bitchy thing that goes on between girls and the talking behind each other’s backs, it always goes on!

And yeah, I can be bitchy and I am most of the time really outspoken, but it’s better than being something you’re not! I would rather be hated than have to live my life as someone I’m not.

I’m going to take this post as a fresh start and seeing everything as a new opportunity and to start doing things for me and not everyone else, making decisions because it makes things easier for me and to stop worrying what everyone else thinks.

Not really had a very exciting day today...

Went to Tesco’s, sorted my guinea pig & rabbit out, played on the Xbox (actually had a chance today :o).

As you can see I haven’t really done a lot.

I’m so looking forward to summer this year, camp the first week of summer, back for a week, then 2 weeks in Cumbria with the family, back for a week then friends birthday shizz in the last week :D, plus work around all of that. Gonna be a good summer I think, with lots more memories :)

I decided that my first choice for camp is gonna be Gradbach, it’s Derbyshire and it looks well good!

Got a few half terms before though, so I should be able to revise for all my exams and hopefully see Scott sometime (fingers crossed).

This year is going to be a busy year, exams, summer, revision, college, learning to drive... it’s gonna be crazy!! But I’m looking forward to it because I have amazing people around me.

I realised today that on Tuesday I’ll have been with Scott for 3 weeks, already! It’s gone so quick!! I do love him and I miss him so much but when I can drive I'll to be able to drive and be able to see him whenever I’m free.

Monday again tomorrow only two more weeks of school till Easter 

Laterz xx
Love you baby, miss you so much xxxxx

Today is the start of something good.

I don’t know what happened today but I realised a few things...

Recently I’ve been thinking that my life is really bad but let’s face it I’m actually really lucky.

I’ve got....

Scott;
My amazing boyfriend, who I know I can talk to about anything, who I can trust 100% (slight contradiction of the last couple of days, I know, but let’s face it, I actually can’t see him doing any of the things people have said he’s done). He always knows what to say, can put a smile on my face no matter what mood I’m in and sticks by me through everything. I LOVE YOU BABE!!

My friends;
Well here I’m talking about my close friends who I can count on for anything and everything. They’re always there if I need someone to talk to, if I need cheering up, or someone to piss about with. We have some crazy chats too, and I’ve learnt a lot from them the last year. THANKS GUYS

My family;
To be honest I am lucky in the respect the both of my parents are together, not a lot of people have that. We argue a lot but we are close really....

I’m not like a lot of people, yeah I guess I’m outspoken (well I know I am), I’ll say things and think about them afterwards, and that’s always been an issue. I’ve gone through a lot of bad stuff, but that’s taught me to appreciate what I’ve got and the last couple of days I’ve forgotten that.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that however much I complain I am actually really lucky.

Laterz xx
Love you babe xxxxx

Ramble

I feel like having a ramble :)

I woke up this morning and my shoulders hurt like hell no idea why, but most likely because of basketball yesterday and me taking everything out on my punch bag :) It was quite fun though imagining everything you want to sort out and just letting go.

I love it when people say things behind your back and they dont think you'll find out. Good times.

Spoke to Scott this morning, he's in Spain... it's alright for some. I love him so much and thigns are starting to go good between us again, i dunno, now i think i've put everything behind us, just wish we could see each other now :(.

louis went weird on me today telling me he needed a massage :/ i just sorted of ignored it.

I've bin listening to until you were gone by chipmunk ft. esmee denters all day it's a really good song.

I think i've chosen my camp for next year, so now all we've got to do is book it!! EXCITEEED much.

Created a new website http://sjhubbard.webs.com/ everything of mine is going to be posted there, my uncle got some copy maker person to do the writing on the home page, that guy was funny.

Lately things havent been so great, but i'm pretty sure things will change.

People want to bitch about me... GO AHEAD
I WILL say what i think too

People want to cause trouble... GO AHEAD
I WILL cause trouble too.

Gotta love life sometimes, and ways i'm back to fl studio... and i mean damn that is some good software. Startin to get the hang of it now.

laterz xx
love you babyy xxxxxx

a long time coming

I know this blog has been a long time coming, but here it is...

I can now definitely say that I do truly want to be with Scott however hard that is. He may not be perfect, but to me he couldn’t be more perfect! I know that we won’t see each other much until after my exams, because of all of my coursework and exams that are coming up. But I do know something, we are going to be alright and I’m going to be there for him as much as I can. He’s going to Spain tomorrow :( which means I won’t be able to talk to him for a week... I'm finally seeing us moving on out of this mess, together and not having to split up because of it, i'm not saying that i'm a 100% sure of it but its deffinately starting to seem a lot better.

I actually can’t believe how quickly the exams are coming; I seriously need to start revision and putting in some over time with my textiles sketchbook!

I managed to get my mum and dad to definitely agree to let me go to camp again this year; I’m well excited and looking forward to it! Now all I’ve got to do is chose which one I want to go too.

Laterz xx
I love you babe xxxx

don't you hate it when it's like this

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
All the things we did and the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you

The way we laughed, the way we kissed
I never thought that I would miss
All the things I used to complain about you
The football games, the hometown friends
I'm was glad to see it end
But tell me why I feel so alone without you?
Ooo oh, Oooh, Yeah,
Here it comes again


That song has a lot of meaning to me sometimes...

I know this will sound weird but since me a Louis broke up it's been easier for us to talk about things, I miss that about him just sitting talking or going for one of those long walks...

I know I and Scott have something really good, but I do miss being able to be with my boyfriend and just spending time together.

I do care about Scott a lot and I know this doesn't seem fair on him to say this, but I just need to get it out of my head.

Today I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking things over and over again. Sometimes I feel like history is repeating itself, being back with Scott was meant to be a fresh start for us both but the same problems came back. I don't know why but when things like this happen you question your decision in the first place, I knew it was going to be hard with the distance but I didn't think it would be like this. I hate comparing us to me and Louis but it is hard not being able to just go and see him, revise with him just being sat there, the little things that seem to make the difference. I hate the fact that we can't see each other when we want to. This was always going to be hard, but now it's just got a lot worse.

Memories are something we'll always have, and will never be able to forget...

I've got so much stuff going on in my head at the moment. It's crazy, I can't decide what’s for the best, I don't want to lose Scott, but it's triggered some really bad stuff at the moment.

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

Everything is confusing, I don't think that I have feelings for Louis anymore, I just miss what we had, and wish that I could have that sort of relationship with Scott. The distance causes so many problems. The thing is I’m 16 and he's 15 it would be different if I could drive and see each other every other weekend or something but we can't it months between when we can see each other, and to be honest you can't really call what we have a proper relationship when we don't see each other. Maybe this time I’m not really in it like I was the first time because of everything that has happened. I don’t know. In some ways I feel like by lying to me Scott has pushed me away, I feel like he didn’t feel like he could tell me the truth in the first place. I know I said that I wanted to us to move forward and forget about it, but when this has happened so many times before it’s hard to think that it won’t happen again. I knew that it was going to take a lot for us to work, so everything that goes wrong makes it so much harder and makes me regret wanting to try. I do care about Scott and always probably will, but in some ways I see us ending and not starting out.

oh this is not the way that it should end
it's the way it should begin
it's the way it should begin, again
no, I never wanna fall apart,
never wanna break your heart
never wanna let you break my own
yes, I know we've said a lot of things
that we probably didn't mean
but it's not too late to take them back
so, before you say you're gonna go..
I should probably let you know
that I never knew what I had...
I never knew what I had...

A lot of music says how I feel at the moment... maybe that’s a good thing... maybe it’s not...

At times I think it would have been easier to give Louis a proper chance and see if we could work out (that isn’t the right thing to say I know especially when I’m with Scott but I need to get everything out of my head) Everything seems to go round I circles.

Maybe one of my mates was right maybe I should have just drawn a line under both of them and moved on on my own. But at the time that’s not what I wanted, Scott and I started to get really close again, and I was able to trust him and be able to actually talk to him. In some ways what Louis said originally when Scott and I broke up the first time is true living so far apart with everything like this going on at the moment isn’t fair for either for either of us.

This blog really feels like I’m trying to talk myself out of being with Scott. That wasn’t what I was trying to do.
It's on the tip of my tongue but I'm still afraid
Sometimes the only things words do is get in the way
Sometimes the easiest things are the hardest to say
But I don't want to lose you, drive you away
I don’t want to confuse you, I need you to say only wish you knew what I wanted to say only wish you knew what I wanted to say

my hands are shaking
I’m yours for the taking
don’t you hesitate
please just do one thing
one small sign something
lets jump off the edge

At times being with Scott feels like the best thing in the world, but then there are times like this where I don’t have the power to think anymore because all I’ve done is think about how to work things out. Honestly I don’t want to lose Scott but, I can’t see a way to be able to trust him again, it will take time but that is going to be a really long time.

I don’t want us to end, I need a way to fix this but I can’t think of anything, I really don’t want us to end.

But without trust we really wont work.

I know that for sure.

But right now I feel like I’m being held down by something, if this isn’t a way to fix this then, I don’t see us going anywhere...

In some ways I miss me and Scott just being friends, without everything being complicated, and just being able to talk about everything.

This blog will probably tear him apart if he reads it, that wasn’t what it was supposed to do, as much as if probably seems like he doesn’t, he does mean a lot to me, and I really do a care about him a lot but right now he has really hurt me and I’ve tried to forget about everything but... I just can’t.

He says i mean a lot to hi, but hows that true when the first time round he went out with some one 3 hours after we split up... wasn't that hard for him...

I never lied to you, yet you can do it to me...
I never gave you a reason to doubt me, look who it is now...
You say i'm everything to you, how can that be?

Everyone sticks up for him, but no one can really see what it's doing to me and how its making me feel.

Laterz xx
Love you xxx

So far...

I am so happy, i've finally remmeber all the css coding shizz so i've spent most of the day so far coding my site and one for my dad.

My new site not just words, is now up
http://not-just-words.webs.com/index.htm
Go and take a look :) All my stuff is goin to be posted there as well

Then i got a suprise today, now i thought this was waaay cool....i might be able to go to camp again this year!! So i was looking at the DI4R sire today, not decided which one yet, but it'll probs be the first week of the actually summer holidays. The conditions on bein able to go are make a site for my parents business (done) and to help out with the business for free (well till the amount is payed off) but i'm well happy bout that.

I'm goin to go do some graphics coursework and hopefully get my product done (fingers crossed)

I got a really cute text from scott this morning and after the last couple of days it was really good to know how he feels. I have bin a bit shit to him and given him a hard time but with the distance there's no way our relationship would work if i can't trust him, or he can't trust me. But everything is sorted now and we're back to how we should be. Won't be able to talk to him for a week :( as of friday coz he's goin to spain (alright for some)

anyways better get started on my graphics coursework,

laterz xx
love you xxxx

The last couple of days have been pretty shit, and today things have just started to get a whole lot better.

Me and scott are starting to get back to the way we used to be.

Bethany has bin sending me some really funny shizzle from youtube:

Im mad, really bad
But dont tell my mum & dad
Pucker up kiss my but
Cuz Im bloody fucking nuts
Hear the bass, skinny waist
Now lets copy pokerface like.... whoa

that was proper good and i saw the top 60 ghetto names



and that cracks me up everytime :D

today has turned out all right

laterz x

love you xx

A lot to think about

Today, i havent really been replying to scotts texts, i guess i've bin spending way too much time thinking bout what jazz was saying last night. Especially as when i asked her when pearl started goin out with scott the first thing she said was about two timing, so that was probably true and he probably did cheat on me then, the fact that she said he was chatting her up, and had evidence for it.

I don't want another relationship where i have to keep forgiving the other person, thats all i seem to do and i can't have anymore things to worry about on top of my exams, and coursework.

I want to be with scott and i really do care about him and i'm pretty sure that i want us to be together for a lot longer.

From now i'm going to forget about everything that was said last night between me and jazz, that isn't important as i don't want other people coming in between us this time.

Hopefully we'll be able to see each other in easter, but that depends on my coursework at the moment. But i don't know if i'll be able to.

The scary thing is i really do like scott a lot more than i wish i did and i dunno what i feel for him isn't soemthing i've felt for anyone before.

This time we're together forever :)

Laterz x
Love you babe xxxx

Today things came quite clear in my head, i know for sure that me and scott are goin to work out. It took till now and a text from my ex to prove that to me, but still i know it for sure.

So today i'm working on updating my graphics software on my computer with pretty much every program i can find  :D

Kinda annoyed at the fact that scott made it seem that his parents new about us, but he hasn't actually told them... this is exactly what i didn't want to happen. but there again he could do worse things i suppose.

bin one of those days where anything could change my mood just like that....

scott really does mean alot to me, i just hope this time everything works out, i never want to loose him.

laterz xx
love you babe xxxxx

one day you'll realise dat you'll be alright.

I think i have found my talent, writing, i dunno why but recently all i have been doin is sitting down and writing. I keep getting all these ideas in my head and i just seem to be able to write endlessly. One day hopefully i'll have a published book.

right now i have realised to appreciate what i've got. i'm always going to have arguments with people, it happens to everyone, so the best thing is to ignore the bitchy comments, there going to happen where ever i am, whatever i'm doing. I've got great friends and they really do balance out the people who hvae a dislike for me, they can keep me happy and they know what to say and when to say it. I have an amazing boyfriend and yeah i know we're only teenagers but what i feel for him i havent felt for anyone else, i am really lucky to have him and what we have. I couldn't bare to lose him.

Our exams are coming up and i am behind on a lot of coursework, not sure if i want to go to college anymore, but i'm gonna concentrate on getting it done.

today i've spent a lot of time thinking about me and him, i am truely lucky to have him, i just hope i can get the whole distance thing out of my head, especially after last night, i hated not being able to just be there for him, its hard, and i want to forget about the distance but i don't know if i'll be able to deal with it like i did last time. Especially after all the problems we went through last time, we both started turning to other people and he ended up turning and falling for someone else, all this stuff is going round in my head and i guess i can't break off from the past. It's tough and i want to make a fresh start with him, but this time we have a history together and we arent just starting out, its like it's different somehow. i'm not saying i dont care about him coz i do, i'm crazy about him, but things just seem different. I can't see it as a fresh start because it isn't. we don't have a proper relationship right now, coz of the distance, we can't actually see each other till the holidays and its goin to be like that till i can drive and then i'm going to have pressure from college. Hopefully i'll sort this out in my head. i don't want us to be over, thats the last thing i want, i just want a way of sortin this out in my head. to be able to forget about the distance, i really do appreciate having him in my life, i just wish it was easier... thats all

everything when your a teenager is drama... it needs to be simpler

laterz xxx

love you baby, things will be good soon, we'll be able to be together soon. for now all we can do is dream about being together xxxxx