When I'm away I miss my baby, I'm gone with half my heart, God knows I must be crazy, For living far apart, But tonight it's gonna be different

Boxing Day is crazier than Christmas day itself minus the extra family.

Seeing as I got woken up at a ridiculously early time this morning by my personal alarm clock (Scott) texting me, I decided I might as well get up at about 8am. I haven’t really slept in all this holiday. This meant I spent quite a considerable amount of time this morning talking to him through msn as well as downloading new music and watching various videos.

This time tomorrow though I’ll be with him.

I had what felt like a million and one things to do today. Once everyone else was finally up, I was sent down to the shop in our village. This was quite a challenge baring in mind all the paths are covered by a thick layer of ice, once I got there the shop didn’t even have what I was asked to go and get, so a waste of half an hour. When I got back it was into sorting out lunch, another roast dinner which was an attempt t use up the last of the turkey, which failed.

This left me to my main challenge of the day, pack for Scott’s. I didn’t think it would be that hard, but seeing as my clothes weren’t were they should be, some of them not being dry and me generally just being a girl about it and not being able to make decisions it went really well.... oh yeah and my moisturiser exploded on me as well, it was a good job it didn’t do that when I closed the case (I have a mini case it’s really cool, the only problem is it isn’t green). But I managed to just throw a load of stuff in the case in the end; clothes are clothes at the end of the day. I nearly forgot to put Scott’s Christmas present in it but I remembered once I was telling my mum I’d finished sorting it all out.

I finished the day with one of my new DVDs, Sex and the City 2. The first one was really good and this one was even better. DVD and chocolate a good way to end the last couple of days and to prepare for the long car journey tomorrow.

I need to be up at 8am in order to be ready for 10am to leave for about 5 hours in the car. I have the outnumbered series 3 plus the Christmas special to watch on the way, I decided the revision wouldn’t be a good way to pass the time plus outnumbered was more appealing, I love that show. Although it’s going to be drive for 10 minutes stop at Tesco’s coz my Dad needs to get some diesel and my mum wants to get stuff for the journey, plus we’ll have to stop half way through the journey coz my dad will need a break at some point.

I’m really looking forward to this next week with Scott though, two months without him, now a week with him. It’s going to be good. Although this means no blog posts for a week...

Laterz xo

Love you xxxxx

Title: Coming Home – Pixie Lott Ft. Jason Derulo

Christmas day

Okay, so we’ve all established I worry too much, but old habits die hard.

Today has been a really long day; I was woken up at 3.15am. I wasn’t amused by this, basically my parents still do the whole stocking thing and I was more than happy to wait to open the presents inside it at a reasonable time, but no I wasn’t left to do that. Due to sharing a room with my sister I had to wake up as she wanted to open her presents and decided to switch the main light on in our room, she wasn’t content with just the desk lamp was she?

It was then decided we would get out of bed at 7.30am. My family don’t understand the meaning of sleeping clearly. Once those few hours passed and I was thrown out of my bed for good, we were able to open our presents under the tree. I’ve been really lucky. My sister spent a fortune on me this year, a charm bracelet and several charms, DVDs, books and a stitch teddy. My brother got me a mug which is shaped like biscuits, anyone that knows me knows I love biscuits so this is a pretty loved present even though it was one of those quirky presents you don’t expect. My mum and dad replaced my much loved Samsung mp3 player with a new one, a sandisk sansa clip mp3 player, 8gb with a memory card which was also 8gb plus the new sex and the city 2 DVD which I’ve wanted since it’s been released. Plus various other relatives got me the usual presents of bath stuff and perfume. I’m also £75 richer!

With a few hours to waste I helped set up the table and sort the house out. I also had to get ready myself which took longer than expected due to the fact my hair wouldn’t go right.

Then it was for the part of the day I wasn’t looking forward to due to my uncle and me not getting on. Although for some reason everything went okay, I worry unnecessarily. We had a really good lunch with my Nan, and Granddad as well as my Uncle. However most of the conversation was about me and Scott, which at times wasn’t really very good to be a part of due to what was being said. We played some family games and then they left.

It was a pretty good family day.

Scott did a swimming thing today in the sea to raise money for his expedition to Nepal next year and he came 7^th out of 50. I’m really happy for him especially as he seemed pretty nervous before hand, but he did really well. I don’t think I’ll be doing it anytime soon though! I’ve only got tomorrow at home then I’m off to see Scott. I might not be looking forward to the long drive but I’m definitely looking forward to seeing him, it’s been two months since we’ve seen each other, I just can’t wait to be with him again.

Well only another 365 days to go till the next one.... but this has definitely been a pretty good day, and there isn’t a better way to finish it off than speaking with Scott.

Laterz xo

I love you baby, can’t wait for Monday xxxxx

Christmas Eve

Well this is Christmas isn’t it, family arguments and the buzz is gone. I guess that’s what growing up does to you.

I didn’t get much sleep so I’ve been overly tired today. This has probably been the main contributor to the fact that the littlest thing has managed to annoy me or wind me up in some way.

I’ve had to help with the preparations for tomorrow, which isn’t the best way to pass the time but it did mean I wasted an hour.

Once my dad got in from work we had to go to Tescos, yes Tescos on Christmas Eve. I know what you’re thinking. Although surprisingly it wasn’t that busy, the obvious aisles were the alcohol, chocolate etc but to what I thought it would be it wasn’t that bad. I don’t get why my parents couldn’t have got this stuff on their many trips to the shops before but obviously it was necessary that we got them...

Due to the fact my mum didn’t like any of the cards for grandparents, it was left to me to make one, so at 17 years old I was sat with a whole collection of card, glue felt tips to make a masterpiece. For some reason I felt like a I was four years old again. It was pretty fun.

I wish I could see Scott today; it’s been that kind of day where I just want a hug from him. Although I have had a really good conversation with him on the phone and I am really looking forward to seeing him, I can always and I mean always rely on him to cheer me up. Plus he’s made me so that I’m looking forward to tomorrow in a strange way.

Laterz xo

Love you xxx

Cold winter nights, by myself Blankets just won’t do, I need your help

There really isn’t a lot to write about today, no college gossip or anything. This is why I hate being off college everything is dead. I seem to spend most of my time of facebook trying to find something to do.

I got Alexandra Burke’s new album today although it isn’t technically new it’s the deluxe album and has some new tracks on it and it is pretty good. I seriously listen to too much music and haven’t listened to all the new albums that I’ve got recently all the way through yet, but I will! However my mp3 player has broken YES I do still use mp3 players, personally I think apple is over rated and I dislike touch screens and all that so I’m sticking with my mp3 players. But my trusty Samsung died after 3 years constant use I think it was pretty good although I was limited to 163 songs it still worked. My phone is temperamental when it comes to music; actually it’s pretty temperamentally when it comes to anything so I can’t rely on that for music. Basically what I’m saying is I’m pretty stuffed when it comes to going out as I am unable to listen to any music hopefully that will change on Christmas day.....

Well basically this year Christmas day is different, I don’t know what ANYONE has got me. This is completely different to any other year usually someone caves and tells me or I am able to guess. Plus we were told not to make lists or anything so all presents are a complete surprise which is great as Christmas hasn’t been like that in years.

Like I said there really isn’t a lot to talk about.

I’m worried about Scott, this time of year is bad for him, so I’m glad I can be with him for a week after Christmas. At least that way I know he’ll be alright.

Laterz xo

Love you xxxx

^{Title: Made to be together – Trey Songz}

So raise your glass if you are wrong In all the right ways

Don’t you think it’s weird when a song comes on and it is exactly how you feel and you didn’t even know you felt like that, it happened to me today. Right now I really love Cee Lo Green’s album, The Lady Killer and I think we should definitely forget the radio versions for a certain song on this album, it’s just one of those feel good albums. People definitely miss out on the best tracks of an album when they don’t listen to it all the way through; the best songs are definitely the ones that don’t become singles. Most likely due to the fact they don’t get over played.

We had some rain today so the little amount of snow that we had has now turned into that horrible slushy stuff. It doesn’t look Christmassy anymore.

I was on one of those facebook like sites and it’s crazy to think how many of them are based on how guys treat girls. I mean to be honest for every guy that doesn’t value the relationship he is in and is willing to do whatever there are plenty of other who really care about the person they are with. I don’t get why us girls have to give them all a bad time for it, I know plenty of guys who get really annoyed about it because everyone treats them all the same and as though they will be the same and not care about their relationship. This comes from having a really long conversation with one of my guy friends today, he’s a decent guy but every relationship he’s been in the girl is always trying to find something wrong with him because of all the jerks she’s been with before. I know when you’ve had a bad experience you generally compare everything to it but surely there comes a point when you realise you have something good and not all guys are out to hurt you?

Its weird how people always seem to come to me for advice, I know I’ve been through some pretty bad stuff but I never think of myself as the sort of person to be able to help other people out. It’s not fair that I right other people’s problems here but today I feel like I’ve actually helped some other people out.

The Christmas films have started on TV again. Today I decided to watch Herbie Fully Loaded, I know it’s not technically a Christmas film but it’s still one of those films that I love and can watch again and again. Plus I caught the end of an actual Christmas film that I’ve seen before the average feel good film based around Christmas, can’t remember the name but it was one of those predictable ones so the name doesn’t really matter.

My mum and dad are doing their ‘emergency shopping’ stuff everyday when my dad gets in from work, basically means they go out and get presents for people they forgot or get food or random other things that they think we’ll need before or on Christmas day which we never really do. Me and my brother hate it they tried to get me to do it with them last year after the first day I found excuses not to go and I’m definitely not joining in this year. So today me and my brother we sat at home for a couple of hours and we had to find a way to make it slightly interesting seeing as after a while sitting in front of the various forms of technology gets boring, I decided that I would sing and imitate some song and the people that sing them and my brother found it hilarious... so much so he managed to spit his drink everywhere and I ended up clearing it up, lovely. I know.

I still haven’t worked out a way to make next year more memorable yet but I’m still working on it. Although I’m in that mood where I feel like something good is about to happen, probably because I’m going to be seeing Scott soon, but this is different like something new is about to happen. Well it’s about time, I need some change. Well I had this weird mood hanging over me for a couple of months where I generally felt rubbish and down about everything but I can safely say that I now truly say that has gone. 2011 is going to be my year, 2010 for some reason didn’t quite cut it.

Not a lot else to say really...

Laterz xo

Love you xxx

^{Todays title: Pink – Raise your glass}

if you got no plans baby if you got time, come and be the rest of my life

It’s day two of the Christmas holidays and I’m already bored beyond belief. Although crazy taxi on facebook has become a big addiction the last two days.

Normally we would go see family but my mum and dad have done all of that when they’ve been going out to buy presents so I haven’t really seen any family yet. It’s weird to think I was excited about Christmas, but now I’m not right now it just feels like another day, hopefully that will change. I’m usually really excited about Christmas I love everything about it spending time with people and just the overall feeling of it. Last year I was with Louis around this time and we were spending loads of time together because that’s what you do around Christmas especially when you’re in a relationship. Right now, that’s pretty hard to do. Scott is too far away to do that, so for the time being we have to put up with talking until the 27^th. This is way I hate having the distance between us. If you have a bad day and just want a hug or kiss or just want to spend time together you can’t you have to arrange anything you can’t just do anything whenever you want to. We did have a good conversation last night though today has been a bit.... I just think it’s down to not seeing each other and everything else being really rubbish at the moment.

The snow round here now isn’t really snow anymore either is more ice and frost, but the icicles look pretty, off of the farm roof next door. That’s probably the best thing about where I live in the summer we have all of the fields and river which are great for picnics and just messing around and then in the winter when we get the ‘big freeze’ everything looks really pretty and just makes you want to go outside and be in it, although it is too cold and I am currently being in it through my mind.

Some pretty big albums have come out recently, and being someone who listens to music practically 24/7 this is great. I always update my music library. It doesn’t really matter what it is the really hard core rock I tend to steer clear of though somehow I can’t get into it.

In terms of achieving things this year has been pretty poor and as the end of 2010 is coming to an end I think I need to work on my resolution for 2011. Now I’m not particularly big on the whole resolution things because well let’s face it no one sticks to them anyways. So I’m determined to find something that I can achieve. On the note of 2011 I want to actually do more stuff and not be sat in front of the computer screen all the time, I want to be able to meet new people and get new experiences; I’m definitely going to work on this.

Reading through my extensive amount of blogs I follow I needed a little reading catch up session, today I came across a little surprise:

Thanks to Dan who has awarded me and several other people his blog of the year 2010. I’m pretty chuffed about this, here’s what he wrote:

Just A Small Town Girl by SJ: Lovely blog about a teenage girl in college. It often followers the drama in SJ’s life and she is not afraid to share her feelings on it. Also SJ’s dedication to her boyfriend is inspirational and everyone should be prepared to show that much dedication to their partner.

It’s nice to think someone enjoys reading what I write to be honest. For me it’s just a place to vent how I feel away from most of the people who know me in ‘the real world’.

So here’s the pictures I was going to post the last few days but haven’t been able to.

I thought I should include this one to make chocoholics jealous:

All of that was an early Christmas present from my sister, she loves me.

The fact I have exams in January should be really daunting but right now it really isn’t. I can’t bring myself to revise for them either, it’s going to be a huge case of cramming on the bus to the exams I think even though I promised myself I wouldn’t do this at college because the exams have a bigger impact on my life. Habits are hard to break I guess.

4OD is a great source for entertainment. Normally I absolutely hate documentaries but there is something about the way channel four makes them that means I can actually watch them the whole way through and actually learn something from them. Today I watched the one about the phone calls and family testimonies from the 9/11 in America, it was really interesting and something that I would recommend to anyone because it really gives you an insight to what happened that day.

Scott’s out tonight hence the really long post. We have the distance and I’m still lost when we don’t talk, I usually plan my evenings around talking to him. But I really think it will be good for him to spend some time with his mates because he always sacrifices seeing them to talk to me and I feel guilty when he does so it’s nice for a change to be able to say that he’s with them in a strange way. I'm lucky that he sacrifices so much time for me not many guys would do that there again there isn’t many guys who would put up with the distance and treat me the way he does. I’m definitely one lucky girl to have found him. Although I’m worried about the impression his family will get of me when they meet me when i go to stay with him, I hope they like me because I want to make a good impression for him. It’s kind of funny he doesn’t know what I’m worried about. 

I’m totally not intending on staying in bed ridiculously late tomorrow, this probably won’t happen now that I’ve said it but I’ve been forced out of my bed by various people the last two days for reasons that were totally unnecessary, so tomorrow it’s going to be me and my bed for a few extra hours...

Well done if you managed to get to this point without skipping anything!

Laterz xo

Love you xxx

Ps if your interested the title of this blog is a Ne-Yo song called Miss Right.

The christmas spirit is almost gone!

The last few days have been really weird. But several good things have happened too.

I’ve finally managed to start getting over this illness which is a HUGE plus. Mainly due to the fact that I can now breathe semi normally, I’m now just left with this cold and really sore lips and they keep bleeding. But I have given it to everyone else now.

Christmas day is now definitely going to be really bad, due to the fact that my uncle who I always argue with is coming, he thinks I am a slag, which I’m not and always manages to make me feel really bad about myself. On the upside my Nan and Granddad are coming round as well which is always good, although my Granddad isn’t his normal self since he collapsed which is worrying I don’t like seeing him like that.

There has been loads of snow and I mean loads of snow, normally it doesn’t bother me I’ll just stay inside and keep warm. But it’s bothering me because it could mean I can’t get to Scott’s and after our conversation today I really want to be there for him. He means a lot to me and I’m glad we’re there for each other.

There’s not a lot else to say really apart from everyone really getting into the whole Christmas thing and me slowly getting more and more out of the spirit of it.

I’ve got loads of pictures to add to this post but due to the fact I’m using my sister’s laptop to write it because I feel guilty for neglecting my blog the pictures will have to come soon.

Laterz xo
Love you xxxx

And that's why facebook was invented

Today is my last day at college, not officially but I’m not going in tomorrow. But all things considered today has been pretty good.

I didn’t have to go into college first thing which was a majorly big bonus. I had a one to one thing with my business teacher, Alan, to tell me how well I had done in my business mock. Overall he thinks I will get an A in the actual exam in January so no pressure there. No one has asked me how it went, which I thought was nice. Then I had a media mock which I think went okay but I’m not completely sure because I finished early and that is never a good sign. Last lesson we had a little Christmas party thing in ICT because we’ve finished our coursework for this term, which is a majorly good! Plus I won some chocolate gold coins which was really good and then my sister picked me up which was really good because it started to snow really heavily.

Once I got home I actually managed to eat something which has been virtually impossible the last few days with my throat. Then I logged on to facebook the source of everyone’s problems. Apparently Scott was cheating on me, according to a couple of 13 year olds who decided it was appropriate to swear at me over facebook because they are ‘hard’, oh how I love facebook arguments!

Tomorrow will be good Christmas shopping with my parents although world war 3 has broken out in our house at the moment so it could be interesting.
A week on Saturday and Christmas will be over. I am now dreading Christmas day because the uncle that doesn’t like me is coming to ours for Christmas lunch along with my nan and granddad who are awesome and I love.

Laterz xo
Love you xxxx

Hugs are good, but one from you would be better

Well today has actually been a pretty good day, although whenever I say that something usually happens that changes that.

It’s so close to the end of college and for some reason I don’t actually want the Christmas holidays to happen not just yet, a part of me isn’t really ready. I’ve worked out why I didn’t feel like I fitted in before, that’s because I have several groups of friends now whereas before I only had one, my problem is they don’t really like each other so I can only spend time with them at different times.

It was so funny at college today when we dressed Matt up in Milly’s scarf and gave all our bags to Sam to carry. Tomorrow is basically my last day before Christmas, just my business one to one to go so I can get my results from my mock, my media mock and my ICT lesson/ do nothing to do, we’ll probably have another competition about who can get the highest score on one of the facebook games, or looking at the many funny t-shirt that Alistair seems to find, they are pretty good actually.

My throat is still hurting and it was freezing today at college but nobody radiates heat, although I did get a lot of hugs which was pretty good although Johnny is too tall, and Matt just is too cold, and Milly is just ginger.

Things are okay with Scott, they're getting there, he seems to think we have problems more than I thought we did, me chnging/ acting weird, and just us being different. But I think we'll get passed it. I'm looking forward to Christmas because it will be good to see him again just hope feeling like this!

I’m tired, really really tired, I just want to curl up and go to sleep.

Laterz xo
Love you xxx

Needs tomorrow to come, because it never does–best thing i heard all day!

It’s been another one of those days today.

My media presentation went well today. Although at the moment all everyone is talking about is our exams, which I’m not particularly looking forward too. I have my business mock tomorrow which isn’t going to be the easiest thing for me to do seeing as I can’t remember the formulas or anything.

People have started trying to cause trouble between me and Scott again, well I say people when I mean one person. It’s starting to cause really big problems when it shouldn’t. I just can’t wait till just after Christmas when I can see him and actually spend some time with him, and be able to show him how much I really do care about him.

My throat has really started to hurt today which isn’t a good thing because it feels like it is constantly dry, but apparently that’s a sign I’m getting better.

There is one thing I really hate about Christmas, when someone tells you they have got you a present but say they can’t tell you what it is, it’s so annoying.

I hate having loads of little problems because at some point I’m going to end up exploding because I can’t seem to deal with any of them.

Only 3 and a half days of college left until the Christmas holidays, I can’t wait to be able to get away from college I’m at that point where I don’t feel like I fit in anymore.

I really do care about Scott and hope that I never lose him. It’s an incredible guy and Christmas is going to be amazing.

This roast dinner should cheer me up a bit though.

Laterz xo

Love you xxxxx

Sometimes a new start somewhere far away would be nice

I really hate it when people judge me on how I look especially when they haven’t even ever spoken to me. I just don’t see the point in it’s not even as if I’ve said anything bad about them either. Sometimes I just wonder if there is a point to even getting to know people when all they ever do is judge you on how you look. Kind of reminds me when I got bullied because of how I chose I wanted to look like, doesn’t matter how old you are people still judge you. It doesn’t help after what I’ve gone through with my appearance as well, bordering anorexic due to people keep saying I looked over weight so I stopped eating for a while but came to my senses, plus a number of other things where people have criticised how I look so I just stopped doing those things. I’ve never been happy or comfortable or overly confident with how I look. So these kind of comments never help me.

That just adds to all my little problems which are getting to me at the moment.

I’ve felt really down all day especially at the moment because everything is just getting to me and I can’t deal with all the little things which are just mounting up into one big problem.

All of my technology is dying on me, my phone has broken again but I’m going to wait until after Christmas to send it off because I don’t want it to get lost in the post, my mp3 player has now died I have had it for ages so it was going to happen sooner or later to be honest, my internet doesn’t want to work properly either.

I haven’t really spoken to Scott either today which makes me feel really... because we haven’t really spoken properly lately like we used to as whenever we do we just seem to end up arguing over stupid small things. It doesn’t help when his friends/ people he knows are trying to split us up/ hate me.

I’m in that mood where I don’t know whether it would be better to laugh or cry.

I’ve had people tell me it would be better for me to end it with Scott but it wouldn’t be better for me because it would create more problems and I’d be lost without him. Plus I couldn’t go through with it again, because he means so much to me.

Sometimes I wish I could just drop out of college, which would solve some of the problems but would then ruin my future. But then at least I could get away from all of this and start again somewhere else, but I don’t have the money or the guts to just up and leave.

I have such a busy week coming up at college as well which isn’t helping things; it’s just making me not want to go in. Oh well at least there is only a week left.

I’m still not looking forward to meeting Scott’s family because people always hate me when they first meet me/ before they even meet me which is kind of apart after what I wrote up there ^^.

Not a lot else to say, today has been pretty boring did a bit of revision, about it really.

I’m just looking forward to the new year and a new start, because this year that didn’t really happen, but there again that never really does my problems will stay with my whatever year it is they won’t change.

Laterz xo

Love you xxx

Need something good to happen to put me in a good mood again

Today has been another one of those days.

Eating really hurts because my throat is still swollen it hurts to swallow and I’ve managed to burn the roof of my mouth as well so now eating is really really painful. So I’ve ended up hardly eating the last few days which has meant I’ve been really tired and felt a million times worse.

Me and Scott seem to be okay now, after the last few days we’ve just been a bit... but now everything seems to be good again. I hate how people get involved in our relationship and always manage to cause trouble. But I think we’ve sorted everything now, which I’m really glad about. I can’t wait to see him after Christmas but I’m slightly worried about meeting his family seeing as peoples first impressions of me are generally bad, so I’m not looking forward to finding out what they think of me.

I’m so glad Lizzie was there for me last night with everything going on with Scott I don’t know what I’d have done without her, she really helped me out.

I was supposed to be going out tonight but it got cancelled because virtually everyone is ill, which is really annoying because I was really looking forward to catching up with everyone. But we’ll have to do it again another time.

Another university prospectus arrived today this time for Brighton, it looks pretty good and I think it would be possible for me to get in. I still think Bournemouth would be my first choice though I’m thinking of doing a course in business rather than events management.

I have a rather long paper cut on the back of my right hand it’s really annoying because it keeps opening up when I move my hand.

I watched my first Christmas film today it was pretty good apart from the fact it was really predictable. I can’t remember what it was called though. I think there needs to be more Christmas films on TV now.

I’ve only got a week left of college now, and two mocks and one presentation to do because I didn’t do the presentation last week. I’m really annoyed because I can’t go on my media trip because I have a business mock. BUT college finishes early on Friday and my business lesson on Thursday has been cancelled which is a plus.

Another boring day in tomorrow, which will be boring unless I find some films to watch or something else to do otherwise I’ll be bored out of my mind. Plus my phone isn’t working properly at the moment which is really annoying, it’s not vibrating when people ring or text me which is annoying.

My uncle has had a go at me through the rest of my family, my brother is being a dick, and people are generally slagging me off it making me want to be anywhere but here right now, and I was contemplating leaving college but if I did that I won’t be able to go to university. There again I’ve only got to think about the 5 terms I’ve got left which isn’t really that long when it’s put into perspective it just probably won’t be very enjoyable.

Laterz xo
Love you xxx

I feel terrible but I can’t stay home again tomorrow, I went to the doctors today and found out I have tonsillitis and that’s the reason why I have been ill lately but my body has practically dealt with it itself so I didn’t need any antibiotics or anything I just need to take paracetamol.

I get Scott has his own problems and everything but would be nice for him to notice everything isn’t great for me at some point as well. I know he deals with a lot and I’m not saying he isn’t great but today has been really rubbish and I feel like I’m not a loud to have a bad day without him thinking I’m going to end it or whatever and if Scott reads this he'll probably get all upset and pissy with me but I'm past caring with everything today.

Everything feels like history repeating itself at the moment and I don’t like it.

Some girl who is Scott’s friend’s girlfriend keeps posting on his facebook wall and it gets to me because that’s how the Pearl thing started and I don’t want him to stop talking to her because of me I hate the fact it gets to me and makes me think about all that happened afterwards.

My old secondary school has lost all my GCSE textiles coursework which I really wanted to be able to keep but I won’t be able to now. It was something I was actually proud of, for once.

I hate that I’m missing so much college at the moment and I could get kicked out for it even though it isn’t my fault.

I hate that some girl thought she was the first person to tell me about Scott getting into his college yesterday and was really pleased about the fact he told her to, when I don’t care that she knew I just don’t get why she felt the need to tell me too.

I’m just jealous about the fact other girls get to spend time with Scott, which isn’t a good thing.

So many little things that shouldn’t matter are just mounting up and making one big thing that does matter. I hate it.

Live Coronation Street episode today, should be good.

Going round to a friends that I haven’t seen in ages for a curry night on Saturday which should be pretty fun.

Laterz xo
Love you xxx

Hugs are the universal medicine

It’s one of those days when I don’t really know what’s wrong, I just feel a bit...

My brother isn’t helping either all we ever do is argue and he just winds me up all the time.

At college the Christmas tree in the internet cafe is really pathetic but the one in the reception looks okay but a bit tacky. I think more could be done to make it feel a little bit more Christmassy to be honest.

I have hardly spoken to Scott today, had a trial for a college he wants to go to next year and he got in, and I’m really happy for him.

College has been pretty good overall today, media was pretty funny we found out Sam could sing and he had an audition for Britain’s Got Talent if he gets through that he gets through to sing for the judges. ICT was good as always me and matt wound Kirsty up and we all just had a laugh because we haven’t got much work to do. I managed to win myself some chips from another Matt who went to my secondary school because we agreed a fair exchange, I wanted chips, and he was cold and wanted a hug. This means I scored me some chips; my hugs are the best was also technically proven.

Me and abbey also had a pretty good conversation about relationships and everything else we could really think of today because it was only us in our frees so we got chocolate and tango and sat outside in the cold because I had a temperature again so we came up with the solution the cold air would make me feel better and it did.

I have to do a media presentation tomorrow I was meant to be doing it today but seeing as he wasn’t in we didn’t have to do ours. Although quite a lot of the class was missing so we’re doing a lot of the tomorrow. We have a trip coming up for media were we get to go see a thriller film in the picture house for free, which is pretty good seeing as it cost a fortune to get in there, but Shona is going to be hilarious as she hates scary films, me, jack, and several other people are planning on making her
jump for a laugh. We’re nice like that.

The 50th special for Coronation Street has been pretty good it the live episode tomorrow and the acting is always funny when it’s live.

I have a business finance test tomorrow hopefully I do okay, I need to get my grades back up.

Later xo
Love you xxxx

Pretty amazing 8 months if I'm honest

I don’t know if I should write everything I’m feeling in this post or not, there again that’s what this blog is for so...

Overall today has been pretty good, had a laugh with Jordan, Sam, Shona, Holly, and everyone in media, and all my other lessons were alright as well.

I’m really worried about Scott because he was really down last night and seems to be dealing with too much on his own. I’m trying to help him as much as I can but I feel kind of useless with the distance between us. Hopefully though the fact his Christmas card finally arrived at his house today made him smile a little bit and the fact that we’ve now been together for 8 months should also help too. Plus we’ve had a really long talk today which was good in more than one way.

Laterz xo

Love you xxxxxx

It’s beginning to look a lot like christmas

Today has been pretty good but VERY hectic.

Got up really early in order to be at Tesco’s for half 9 seriously I have no idea why it was so important because it would still be there later and I would have been able to of stayed in bed a bit longer, but we did managed to get round really quickly without me losing my parents too many times... I don’t get how I manage to do that either it’s not as if it’s really that big to be honest.

Got back home and then went straight back out with my sister to town so she could finish her Christmas shopping, but she didn’t finish it. I ended up carrying all her bags and standing in a freezing doorway while she bought something for me, wasn’t fun. But I did get a new belt out of it for helping her find an outfit for her interview.

Plus she paid for my lunch so it wasn’t all bad, McDonalds plus a McFlurry, a Terry’s chocolate orange one was really nice and it managed to bring my temperature down for a while which is a bonus!

Once we got home we had a pretty awesome surprise my Mum, Dad and brother had been putting up the Christmas decorations and I helped literally as soon as I walked in the door, I love putting up the decoration and they left me the tree to do. Our house now finally feels Christmassy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because all the decorations came out of the loft I was able to get to my wrapping paper I put up there last year because I bought loads and only used half of one roll. My family’s presents are now under the tree, and Scott’s are now wrapped.

Present 1:

This is like his main present and there is two things in the box but they’re the same but different. One symbolizes wisdom, power, good luck (which Scott needs with his accident prone side) and protection, plus I thought this one just looked nice. The second one symbolizes us. And he can use these all the time

Present 2:

This is useful, because he reads. I was going to get him something like this for his birthday but I couldn’t find it anywhere, because of what is on it.

Present 3:

It will remind Scott of me, that’s really only the clue I can give to this one or otherwise I would give it away.

Present 4:

He wants one of these, so I got him one.

I can’t wait to give them to him his when I see him. It took ages to work out what to get him.

I still feel ill and I’m probably going to make an appointment at the doctors tomorrow but I don’t know when I’ll be able to see them, so I might have to wait to be seen…

Me and Scott will be together for 8 months tomorrow.

Laterz xo

Love you xxxx

Ill, and loads of college stuff but an amazing boyfriend!

Urrrggghh I have so much college work do because of the two days I missed and I’ve been out for the majority of today and will be out tomorrow too I have no idea when I’m going to get it all done. But I’m looking forward to tomorrow even if it will be unbelievably packed, shopping with my mum and dad in the morning for food because we literally don’t have anything at the moment and then Christmas shopping with my sister and she’s going to buy me stuff for going with her, sounds pretty fun.

My illness hasn’t fully gone and I don’t think it will for a while because I never get properly ill and when I do I always get really really ill. My temperature won’t go back to normal, I feel cold all the time, I don’t want to eat and my headache keeps coming back. It’s not very fun. Everyone thinks I should go to the doctors because of it and because of something quite worrying in my neck that I should have gone back to the doctors with a month after they first saw it but I didn’t because I hate the doctors. There again I got to the dentist and I hate going there...

I’m really looking forward to going to see Scott at Christmas and to be able to spend some time with him like a real couple. The distance annoys me but that wouldn’t make me want to end it with him, ever. It makes it hard but knowing I have him outweighs the impact of the distance. I care about him so much and we’ve been through so much together, it’s hard to believe we haven’t actually known each other all that long and that we’ve nearly been together for 8 months which I never thought we would reach especially when I think about this time last year, things between us are definitely a million times better. I’m so glad we’re together there isn’t anyone else I’d rather be with, he’s so supportive, understanding, caring, kind, funny... just perfect really. His Christmas presents took a lot of thought but I think I’ve managed to pick him something that he will like and will mean something to him as well; I’ve also got him a not so serious present too. I don’t show him how much I appreciate him as much as I should and I’m going to definitely be doing it a lot more because he really does mean the world to me. Plus I’ve started to learn to open up to him which must show I’m starting to lose my not trusting men thing which is all thanks to him, because he’s put my trust back into them. I’ve really got a lot to thank him for he is such a great person and takes a lot from me. He keeps promising to never hurt me and I know he couldn’t and I don’t ever want to hurt him either, I want to be with him forever I really do.

Christmas is definitely going to be amazing this year, unlike last year... but we need to get our decorations up! I LOVE CHRISTMAS, last year was the only year where I didn’t enjoy it and this year I’m not going to be repeating that.

Laterz xo

Love you xxxxx

The past never really stays the past

Scott scarily reminded me of something to do with me and what I used to do earlier and I really freaked out.

Everyone is going into panic overdrive to do with me as well, that doesn’t really help either because that’s all stuff that happened in the past too.

We’ve spent some time trying to work out ways of me getting to Scott’s for Christmas the conclusion we came to was my Dad will most likely drive me.

Going to be a pretty packed and eventful weekend I think.

Laterz xo

Love you xxx

Sleep is the best medicine

Today has been well, bad really bad. I’ve been ill all day; actually make that since about 7.30pm last night. I’ve just has a really bad headache, couldn’t look at lights and had a temperature...it’s not been fun.

Needless to say I haven’t been in college today, which is really bad seeing as I have coursework in for today and tomorrow but I’m not going in tomorrow because I need to have 24 hours clear of the illness which sucks... BIG TIME.

So as I was ill today nothing has really been exciting, we’ve had no extra snow and well it’s just been pretty boring. I’ve been asleep for most of the day too.

The last part of Scott’s Christmas present arrived here today. His Christmas card should arrive at his house soon because I sent it ages ago.

Had a talk with Louis today he thinks it’s really bad that I didn’t celebrate my 16^th, my GCSE results, getting into college or my 17^th. Guess that’s just life.

More university prospectus arrived today but I don’t know if I like them as much as the other three but I’m going to look at them properly when I’m less ill. It’s weird to be planning my future already especially so soon after starting college but it’s not actually that long till we start the application process so I want to have an idea where I want to go and what I want to do, and it looks like I’ve already achieved that.

England have lost the 2018 bid today but I guess we have got the Olympics in 2012 so we can’t have everything.

Laterz xo

Love you xxx

Advent Calendars = 1st December

Wow, it’s the first of December and this year really has gone by incredibly fast, plus so many things have changed. Compared to this time last year things are definitely really different, which is a really good thing.

Last night I read my blog from when I started writing; it’s weird how things have changed so much and how quickly things change. Like this time last year me and Scott were breaking up but now we’re back together and I would do anything for him and to keep him by my side especially as we’ve been through so much the last 7, nearly 8, months. I can’t wait till we don’t have so much of a distance between us and we can see each other more.

I hate how some of the little things between us have changed but I guess that’s what happens after time, things change and people get used to things the way they are. But I’m still not convinced about being as important as his mates either that or he forgot what he said or what he used to do. I don’t want him to change or to do things because that’s what I want. I just wish things didn’t change so that it feels like he knows I’ll always be there so it doesn’t matter. It’s the little things that have changed like the amount of x’s on the end of his texts, I know it should matter that much but it does. How I never have texts to wake up to, that shouldn’t matter but it does. It was the little things he used to do out of the blue that he used to do that he’s stopped doing.

I’m not saying he’s going to lose me and I know he’s busy at times and that it’s difficult with the distance but sometimes I feel like I’m in the way.

All the prospectus I ordered have now arrived, and I know what course I want to do, Events Management, and also which universities I want to apply for. My first choice would be Bournemouth (a on the map), second would be Plymouth (b on the map) and my third would be Falmouth (c on the map). These are all in the south of the UK so it will mean I’d be quite away from home but that’s part of the reason why I want to go, plus this should mean I end up being closer to Scott. Plus if I get into Bournemouth I would only be an hour away from Scott but to get the grades I’m going to need to put in a hell of a lot of work because I’ll need 320 UCAS points whereas for the other two I’ll only need 220, but Bournemouth seems like the offer the best version of the course.

It’s really weird to think in two years I will hopefully be at university, but I am looking forward to it.

Today at college was pretty good, I only had two lessons, media and ICT which means that basically involves hardly any work and a lot of sitting around doing whatever. Media was filled just copying notes about TV drama which sounds pretty boring but Cigdem my teacher is really funny and gives us loads of printouts so we don’t have to do much of the copying down side. ICT is always and was today really funny; I’ve basically finished our assignment for this term so I got to do nothing this lesson and just mess around with Matt and Joe, which basically involved talking about stuff and getting gossip, boys really do gossip as much as girls.

Tomorrow is a long day at college as I have to be there until 4.10pm and the bus is always late so I won’t get home until 5pm. But it’s a pretty easy day bearing in mind I only have business, media and ICT.

Only three weeks left at college which is a plus side to it.

I can’t wait till Christmas, and now that we’re in December we can actually talk about it people get really touchy about it, I think it’s the best time of the year, I really want a white Christmas though. It’ll be really good to see Scott again as well I’m really looking forward to it.

Hopefully I get to talk to Scott at some point tonight, but he’s out so I don’t know if I will if the last time he was out is anything to go by. But there again I want an early night because I have a major headache.

Oh yeah, there’s no news on the job front either.

Laterz xo

Love you xxxx

- I've updated my Dreams page