Sometimes a new start somewhere far away would be nice

I really hate it when people judge me on how I look especially when they haven’t even ever spoken to me. I just don’t see the point in it’s not even as if I’ve said anything bad about them either. Sometimes I just wonder if there is a point to even getting to know people when all they ever do is judge you on how you look. Kind of reminds me when I got bullied because of how I chose I wanted to look like, doesn’t matter how old you are people still judge you. It doesn’t help after what I’ve gone through with my appearance as well, bordering anorexic due to people keep saying I looked over weight so I stopped eating for a while but came to my senses, plus a number of other things where people have criticised how I look so I just stopped doing those things. I’ve never been happy or comfortable or overly confident with how I look. So these kind of comments never help me.

That just adds to all my little problems which are getting to me at the moment.

I’ve felt really down all day especially at the moment because everything is just getting to me and I can’t deal with all the little things which are just mounting up into one big problem.

All of my technology is dying on me, my phone has broken again but I’m going to wait until after Christmas to send it off because I don’t want it to get lost in the post, my mp3 player has now died I have had it for ages so it was going to happen sooner or later to be honest, my internet doesn’t want to work properly either.

I haven’t really spoken to Scott either today which makes me feel really... because we haven’t really spoken properly lately like we used to as whenever we do we just seem to end up arguing over stupid small things. It doesn’t help when his friends/ people he knows are trying to split us up/ hate me.

I’m in that mood where I don’t know whether it would be better to laugh or cry.

I’ve had people tell me it would be better for me to end it with Scott but it wouldn’t be better for me because it would create more problems and I’d be lost without him. Plus I couldn’t go through with it again, because he means so much to me.

Sometimes I wish I could just drop out of college, which would solve some of the problems but would then ruin my future. But then at least I could get away from all of this and start again somewhere else, but I don’t have the money or the guts to just up and leave.

I have such a busy week coming up at college as well which isn’t helping things; it’s just making me not want to go in. Oh well at least there is only a week left.

I’m still not looking forward to meeting Scott’s family because people always hate me when they first meet me/ before they even meet me which is kind of apart after what I wrote up there ^^.

Not a lot else to say, today has been pretty boring did a bit of revision, about it really.

I’m just looking forward to the new year and a new start, because this year that didn’t really happen, but there again that never really does my problems will stay with my whatever year it is they won’t change.

Laterz xo

Love you xxx