Tuesday 27 April 2010

Something Special

You know when something is really good, because it lasts. I’m pretty sure that me and Scott are going to be together for a VERY long time. Three weeks today and I couldn’t ask for anything more! Yes, we cant see each other like most people can, but that makes us stronger in some ways and actually means we get to talk about stuff that matters, and I know that he cares about me because not many guys would actually put up with the distance, but I’m so glad Scott does. He truly is amazing in every way and is very special to me. Looking forward to half term now.

My prom dress arrived today. Well excited now

Love you xx

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Monday 26 April 2010

stuff happens i guess

Bin a bit of a crazy weekend, had a bit of a huge family argument which resulted in me not going to t4 anymore but going to prom (got my dress and shoes sorted – they are pretty WICKED), and being able to see Scott sooner and probably for longer.

So I guess all in all it was a blessing in disguise, especially the Scott part, I CANT WAIT to see him, it’s going to be so good! I actually can’t believe my parents suggested it.

Tomorrow me and Scott will have been together for 3 weeks, its gone so fast but its been amazing! I love him so much and couldn’t imagine not having him in my life, and I’m so glad that I’ve met him. Got a whole life planned out with him :) and I’m looking forward to every minute of it.

Love you so much babe!!

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Saturday 24 April 2010

One of those days

Today has actually been possibly one of the worst days ever. Only got paid £23 as well, normally I get something like £50. There’s been nothing but arguments, might be losing my ticket to T4 so I’m going to have to buy one, but need someone to go with, because my Mum and Dad won’t let me go on my own, kind of obvious.

I’ve really started to think what's the point.

My phone’s started to mess up, my headphones broke…

Really hasn’t bin a good day.

Oh yeah, my uncle’s being a twat and so I might have to quit my job because I’ve had enough of playing games.

That's my moan over.

I need some sleep.

Textiles work tomorrow. Greaaaaaaat… wish I didn’t go to work and done it today to be totally honest, but that's life.

Love you xx

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Friday 23 April 2010

Officially yours

I totally love it when people talk about you behind your back, I mean it’s good to know they are able to say it to everyone but you, wow your a big person, tell me when you grow up…oh yeah don’t bother moaning to me about anything little about Jamie yeah coz umm well I don’t want to hear it anymore…TWAT

That’s done.

The last few lessons of media has been so funny, but today definitely topped it, Anna and Emma are so funny. And throwing stuff at Robbie and Alex.

So looking forward to T4 more acts were announced like proper lat last night and Gok Wann is going to be there again. But so is Scott which beats anyone else that’s going to be there.

I’m so looking forward to this summer.

Work tomorrow, but get a lay in coz I’m not being picked up till 11, I really need the money.

Decided I want to get my hair changed again, but don’t know what to, but I really need something done to it.

LOVE YOU!!!

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Thursday 22 April 2010

Today Really isn’t my day

I think it’s fair to say today hasn’t exactly been my day. Got hit with a rounder's ball and now have gained a nice little bruise, my face decided to puff up and get really sore and irritated (and i still don’t know what caused it) have about a hundred different things on it at the moment to help it stop.

Good news managed to get a new rabbit hutch today, our one is really falling a apart quite literally.

Spoke to Scott today, it was really good to hear his voice, especially after today. I really don’t tell him often enough how much I appreciate him and need him. He really does mean the world to me and I honestly don’t know what I would do without him.

I suppose it’s true what they say good things come to those who wait, t4 is going to be so good, being able to spend some time with Scott.

Got quite a few days to work, so going to be getting some money..at last!

Looks like I won’t be able to go to prom, to be honest I’m not really that bothered, and means I can spend the money on something that I will actually use. Plus it’s not even as if Scott would have been there.

Finished my playlist today.

Friday tomorrow! Thank god! Only got one day for the weekend though coz I’m working Saturday so I’ll only get a lie in on Sunday, even then I’ll have to spend most of the day doing textiles…

Soon I won’t have anymore coursework…now that’ll be good.

Still not 100% sure I want to go to college, But if I don’t there’s not much chance I’ll be able to get a decent job.

Love you babe xxxx

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Tuesday 20 April 2010

everything about you makes me feel I have the greatest gift in the world

We’ve reached TWO WEEKS! Honestly, it’s been amazing, yeah we’ve got the distance between us but that makes us even stronger.

I love everything about him, and couldn’t imagine him any other way. I love him so much!

So looking forward to July onwards:

2nd July – Prom (still gotta find a dress:/)

2-3rd July – T4

18-23rd July – Camp

31st July - leave for 2 weeks camping in Cumbria with the family

Going to be a good month!

Spent some time today talking to Abbie, one of Scott’s friends.

Decided that I’m going to try and actually do one of my ideas from last year, but didn’t because other things got in the way. – Decided on the two charities too.

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Monday 19 April 2010

I Love him

Everyday he sends me texts telling me how much he loves  me and I mean to him, puts a smile on my face.

I can’t wait for T4 it’s going to be so good, mainly coz I’ll get to see Scott, I’m hopefully going to have a new camera for then too!!

First day back, tired, majorly.

But would rather be talking to Scott

xxx LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY xxx   two weeks tomorrow :)

Short blog coz I’m tired and hungry and want to carry on talking to Scott and finish my coursework

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Sunday 18 April 2010

Your my shooting star burning brightly, i’m wishing for you next to me

Spend today trying to work out whether I could get away with not going to college, but I might have to, gonna have to ring some places tomorrow and see if I can do the training straight away as an apprentice (hopefully).

Spent ALL day doing my textiles coursework. Gave up for about an hour so I sat in the sun thinking about Scott. But I’m still nowhere near done and I really need some sleep, if I’m going to stay awake at school tomorrow, aah well not long left till I don’t have to go in.

Working next Saturday, might get to see Danielle, haven’t seen her in ages! Would be good to catch up. But it’ll be good to have some money.

I’ve got a whole list of things I want to buy, most of it being new hats, I have to many at the moment but I have fallen in love with like 15 more. Plus a zillion other things.

I need to get more coursework done but HE keeps distracting me, but it makes my coursework more interesting so I’ll let him do it :).

Prom tickets on sale tomorrow, still haven’t done anything about a dress, mainly because I’ll look stupid in whatever I choose so I’m putting it off for as long as possible.

School tomorrow, early night me thinks :)

Love you baby xxx

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Saturday 17 April 2010

Beautiful Soul - Jesse McCartney ( HQ Official Music Video )

I want you and your beautiful soul

I haven’t written anything for the last few days, kind of bin distracted but, that’s how life is…

I was given an ultimatum last night, by Louis, but the difference this time was I was able to answer him with out question. Leave Scott or I won’t talk to you again. Um, sorry but I have something real with Scott, so yeah the decisions pretty easy, guess I’ll be saving some money, not having to be texting Louis. So it’s a win for seeing as I’ll be saving time solving his life problems and money texting him, meaning I can focus more on me and Scott. But it was pretty funny when Louis tried it on with the insults, sorry but um doesn’t work with me, I don’t feel guilty.

Well T4 on the Beach is maybe, well most probably going to be better than I thought, might be seeing Zahra & Laura there, and maybe Scott too! So hopefully I’ll be able to catch up with some people, and spend sometime with Scott!!

Britain’s Got Talents back tonight, I kind of LOVE that show!

Been spending quite a long time learning some quite amazing trick with photoshop, whilst I’ve been avoiding my coursework, I really need to get it done, now I only have one day to get like the whole of my exam prep done, maybe getting up early tomorrow is a good idea? I think so! Not that I’m looking forward to it.

Going to be having the first BBQ of the year tonight!, My Dad just needs to hurry up and cook it!

I love you babe, and I do know that you trust me xx

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Tuesday 13 April 2010

Don’t ever let me go

It’s official I’m a complete and utter idiot! I’m not saying this to try and be funny, it’s true. Every time me and Scott are going really good, I start to question it, why the hell do I do it?? Louis’ number is now BARRED on my phone, I’ve deleted him on facebook and blocked him on msn. HE IS NOT getting inside my head again and ruining what I have with Scott, I can’t believe what he made me think last night.

I am so lucky to have Scott, and can’t believe what I started to think last night, I don’t ever want to loose him!! I miss talking to him SO much.

I am sooo excited!! I’m going to T4 on The Beach this year, my uncle bought 5 tickets and gave one to me, well looking forward to it. Gonna be such a laugh with Mel & her mum, Sarah…plus possibly Tom, Mel’s boyfriend. The line up looks pretty good, I need to get a new camera by then :/ gotta get some money…

I actually got some textiles coursework done today without getting distracted too much :)

I love you so much Scott, please hurry up and get home so I can talk to you properly xxx :)

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Monday 12 April 2010

Tell it to me straight i can take it

Well now that we cant really talk it shows me several things, mostly what we don’t have.

Knowing that he’s worried about me something something with Louis shows me he’s worried about losing me. But honestly do we have something strong? Can we honestly say that this is L.O.V.E? Probably not considering that I’m questioning it. Of course I care about him a hell of a lot to keep going through this, but with the distance we don’t have a proper relationship, we’re teenagers that means, with the distance we won’t till one of us can drive. That’s the other thing, when ever anything goes wrong whatever it is,we always blame it on the distance, when truthfully is because we aren’t mean to be together?

I now that he’s away I have some breathing space to sort my head out, since we got back together everything has been really intense, planning the future, when really we don’t know what will happen in the future. I think in a way it’s good he’s gone a way for a bit so this way I can work out everything on my head, I don’t want to lose Scott, but some of the things me and Louis have spoken about really has made me questions some things.

For me long distance isn’t a great idea, especially at our ages, but we’re trying to work things out. But for some reason I don’t feel in it for the right reasons at the moment.

BUT something slightly happier :) I miight be going to T4

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Sunday 11 April 2010

Stuck in the middle

Sometimes I wonder if he really trusts me not to do anything with Louis…

Scott’s going away on holiday tomorrow, but I don’t have any credit, so we won’t be able to talk as much.

I hate coursework it takes up so much of my time.

Having two people tell you they love you and couldn’t imagine not having you in their lives makes things so hard. I love Scott but having someone else tell you that they love you makes it really hard and you feel guilty telling them you can’t be with them. I don’t want to tell Scott about things Louis says because he gets worried about if I’ll leave him. Having Louis keep opening up to me also makes it harder to let him down each time, especially as I know he hasn’t got anyone else who he can talk to. I would never cheat on anyone that’s why I’m keeping distance between me and Louis so he can’t make a move on me or he can’t talk me in to anything. He really plays on my emotions too, especially as he’s one of my closest mates I tell him when I’m missing Scott so he tells me I should have a relationship with someone closer, saying it’s causing me more stress on top of my exams, so I stop talking to him and it goes round in a circle. Then He says if I can give Scott another chance why can’t I give him another chance and let him prove he’s right for me…but i guess eventually he’ll see why…just wish things weren’t so hard.

Once I wanted Louis back, but right now that’s not what I want, me and Scott are good at the moment. I’ve bin in a bad mood today and I need to get it all out of my head! But there’s too much to right down. Guess it’ll have to wait!

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Friday 9 April 2010

Your the soundtrack to my beating heart

Everything I say and do at the moment seems to revolve around Scott, he’s on my mind 24/7…I guess that’s what happens when you love someone.

Today has been another lazy day. Went out though, to get the food for tomorrow night go the family coming over to talk about the holiday. Well I say family It’s just my uncle, auntie and cousin. We’re all go camping together again, we’ve been to Scotland, Wales and now Cumbria.

It seems crazy to think about the summer already, especially with all my exams before it…one week at DI4R, one week home, two weeks in Cumbria, two weeks home. Well that’s the plan at the moment, BUT my holidays are going to be longer than usual because I leave school this year!

I need to stop avoiding my coursework! I get it all out to do it then I get distracted by something.

I’ve been listening to Good Charlotte and Paramore all day now I have a really bad urge to go and play my guitar.

IMG0410A

This is THE nicest ice cream in the world! Forget Ben and Jerry’s this is the stuff you should be eating, I so did not eat the whole tub :/ Oh well you only live once :)

 

Well seeing as Scott has a life and I don’t (well I’ll probably be doing the same thing tomorrow night but shush) I guess I’ll have to go back to the Xbox. And YES GIRLS CAN PLAY ON THE XBOX especially Fifa :) I might not be good at it but I can still play on it.

Lovee you babyy xxxxx

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Wednesday 7 April 2010

Baby take my open heart and all it offers, Cause this is as unconditional as it'll ever get

Raining and grey skies...GREAT!

But I did get to speak to my amazing boyfriend this morning! Although that was after I overslept and forgot to go online to speak to him, I feel so bad for that, but it did mean I got to hear his voice. Everything seems to finally be falling into place, I have my boyfriend back and this time I’m not questioning it but enjoying and appreciating having him by my side!

Last night I finally worked out what I wanted and now I know I’m never going to take him for granted! He means the world to me, and I really can’t live without him.

Today I’ve spent a while thinking about the future, and what I really want to do and achieve, I know that I want Scott to be a part of it and that I defiantly want to go to university and I know where I want to go.

I hopefully have a place at long road, studying media, business, politics and ICT. I need to get my grades at GCSE which I know I can do! I just need to push myself to get the final pieces of coursework done then I need to put together a revision timetable that I can stick to, because the one I’ve got at the moment I don’t stick to.

Then after college hopefully I can get a place at Bournemouth University studying media, that means a lot of hard work to get in but I really want to go to university. That’s a massive change from what I wanted last September but I’ve seen that you get out of life what you put into it, so if I work hard now I’ll be able to have a good future.

Today another dream I used to have came back and this is something I definitely want to work on. I used to want to play for England ladies football team, and Arsenal ladies but then I got injured playing and had to quit to take the strain off of my knee otherwise it wouldn’t heal properly, now that it has I’m going to work on getting my fitness back and finding a team.

I know I’m 16 why plan my life out but these are things that I definitely want to achieve, and are things that I can achieve if I put my mind to it.

I was really surprised I thought Louis would cause me more trouble but he’s just left me alone and done what I’ve asked him to, last night I cut every means of him talking to me off so he can’t cause any more trouble between me and Scott.

There’s something that I’ve left out the list of what I want out of the future, and that’s the part that includes Scott. Last night I was talking to Molly, (who used to hate me being with Scott but know she’s happy for us because we’re so happy together) and we ended up talking about Jamie (her boyfriend) and Scott it was weird, but good weird, because we were talking about our relationships and everything, I kept saying how this time we were going to work because this time I feel something that I haven’t felt about our relationship before, yes I’ve always loved Scott but there’s something different about us this time it feels right being together, but not just right, I feel like if me and Scott broke up then I would fall apart, I haven’t felt that way before, this time my feelings for him are definitely a lot stronger. That’s what lead on to the next part of the conversation and where it started to get scary, but good scary, and sort of puts where I see and want Scott to be in my future. We started talking about who we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with, and I know without any doubt that for me that person has to be Scott I couldn’t imagine having anyone else by my side, and then me and Molly started talking about marriage and everything, and for the first time in my life I can say without any hesitation that yes the distance is hard but it proves that what we feel about each other is strong because it can last with the distance in between us. Not many people’s relationships would work with how we do, but this makes me even more sure that Scott is the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with, how do I know that when I’m only 16, not many people go to bed at night smiling and wake up again smiling all because of one person, not many people, have someone who doesn’t give up on them and walk away when they do, not many people have what me and Scott have. It’s so scary to need someone so much when they could just walk away, but having Scott by my side makes me feel like I can do anything, I know I can turn to him if I need support, and I know that he’s always got me, there’s no running away when things get hard, I’m standing by him through everything, the good and the bad! No more letting people come between us and everything that we have, this is forever and nothing or no one will come in between that!

Love youuu xxxx

Tuesday 6 April 2010

never let you go



I could be any happier, i've got my babyy back, and this time i'm not going to screw it up with scott, he means everything to me!!

I love you baby xx

nothing elose exciting has happened to day, so small blog today, i promise a long one for tomorrow!!



Monday 5 April 2010

you dam near where my everything, and your still on my mind

Louis has been talkin to me the last few days and we're so close as mates i dont know whether goin out would ruin it.

I could either crush scott again or make him really happy, but i'm not entirely sure which is best.

life is hard, but i know i've gotta do what makes me happy, sod everyone else, selfish yeah but i'm not gonna be held in a situation where i'm not goin to be happy.

time to make a few decisions, i love louis, but care about scott, there's the difference, already, i dont want scott to get hurt but i want to spend alll my free time with louis, i guess i know my answer i just dont want to make the actions. I know over the time me and scott have become more like really close friends. But at least well i hope i know he'll always be there for me.

I know scott will find someone soon coz he's a really nice person, but he needs someone he can have a proper relationship with, i know he'll hurt but that'll go away.

i need to do what right for me, right now thats seeing how things go with louis...

Sunday 4 April 2010

that should be me holding your hand, that should be me making you laugh....

Bin in the car for 5 hours today, but it gave me a chance to think.

me and scott have drifted apart we're more like friends. Someone else likes him, maybe he should give it a go, i know she'd look after him and be good to him, she seems like a decent person.

Me and louis are close and are just seeing where it goes for now.

I love the seaside :) i'm such a child sometimes... the dodgems (i was waay good), fish and chips, ice creaaam, doughnuts, and the detour home...plus the woman asleep in the car beside us in the traffic jam was hilarious!!

Tomorrow down to coursework, not that i want too. But its gotta be donee

Convos with becka :D lol nad music sending funny tiimes

Friday 2 April 2010

ONE MONTH

its gone so quick but we've bin together a month :) love you babe xxx
I couldn't imagine being with anyone else! Your everything and more than i could want or need, i love you so much. I'm going to be by your side for as long as you want me to be.

nothin much has happened today, so thats all i really wanted to post about...

LOVE YOU BABYY

Thursday 1 April 2010

All or nothing

sorry bout not posting yesterday my computer crashed :@

this will be a quick post coz i'm really tired :/

spent the whole of today thinking about us, and still not being 100% sure. louis decides to come back at the wrong times and tell me his feelings. They are so different...

I'm pleased for scott bout his football, shame bout getting injured.

GAAAHH why was the male species put on this earth???



I soooo totally want to learn that!

right bed...NOW....plus its the easter holidays!! AND AND i deffiantely got my first choice for camp.