Short But Sweet

I’m really tired so I’m going to try and keep this post really short.

I’m really worried about Scott as his concussion hasn’t really gone from the weekend and I can’t do anything to help him, I wish there was more I could do but there isn’t. I feel basically useless.

Today has been a fairly busy day, had every single lesson but managed to clear a few things up. I collected the pink form I’ve been waiting for for a few days and filled it in, just need to hand it in tomorrow, I’m applying to be a student mentor.

Life is just really crazy at the moment and I’m starting my own little project which has plenty of ways for it to expand but I’ll tell you all more about that some other time.

I just feel absolutely shattered, at college all day tomorrow but I have two frees so it’s not all bad.

- OVER AND OUT -

Really Good Day

Seriously good day today,

everything is sorted with Scott, at least I think so.

College was really good today.

Started planning Scott's Christmas present.

My birthday in 5 days.

Got some plans with some old friends from school too, CAN'T WAIT!!

Things are pretty good at the moment!

Laterz xo
Love you xxxx

Just SMILE :)

Well, what can I say about today, eventful is probably the best word to describe it to be honest.

I woke up really early, my body wouldn’t let me stay in bed so I got up, BIG mistake really, once I logged onto all the millions of social networking sites I’m part of I flicked through all the stuff I’d been tagged in on facebook, another mistake! Scott had tagged me in a nice status saying that he loved me, what wasn’t so good about it was the comments beneath it saying that he had asked out other girls and is apparently a really big flirt, you can probably guess my reaction... I wasn’t happy to say the least.

I tried texting him and didn’t get a reply for ages, but when he did reply he denied it, and well even if it was true he would have denied it but to be honest there was something about what and how he said it that made me realise he actually did mean it. He is coming on Wednesday too so I can’t wait to get past all of today and wake up tomorrow a day closer to seeing him.

Ended up going to Tesco’s a usual part of my weekend but we didn’t go this weekend so as there is literally NO FOOD in our house we needed to get some stuff, I managed to persuade my mum to get another chocolate cake, BONUS and some mini chocolate éclairs DOUBLE BONUS, so it wasn’t a wasted trip.

This afternoon has been spent watching how to lose a guy in 10 days, I love that film. But it did get me thinking about what it is that really makes me fall for someone and how I like to be treated by a guy. Yes I have had a few boyfriends and obviously I’m with Scott at the moment and I hope to be for a very long time, but there have been boys who we can say didn’t really know how to treat me as their girlfriend.

Obviously there are all the obvious things too like showing your girlfriend off to your friends and not being ashamed of her but for me I find there are several things that really and I mean really annoy me...

I know this can sound really pathetic but if you want to go out with me just ask me, I mean seriously if someone drops hints that they want to be with me and flirts with me all the time don’t complain when I go with someone else by the time you get your act together. Another thing that annoys me is when a guy calls me fit, I mean fit? Really? Just don’t do it, if you’re talking about exercise and being fit that way then yes obviously it’s okay but not when you’re talking about looks, beautiful is the best compliment to use and gorgeous is also really good but NEVER fit.


One word texts to answer things I mean it’s not hard to expand a little is it? I mean obviously people can be busy but is it necessary to shorten every word down to two letters making me try to decipher what you were trying to get at.

Flirting with other girls and cheating is a BIG no, I mean flirting why bother when you can do it with the girl your with and cheating why are you with the girl if you want someone or something else, it’ll just break her heart at least have the guts to break up with her and tell her she isn’t what you want rather than letting her find out for herself.

I hate it when a guy only wants one thing seriously why do guys always think they can get what they want if they tell you your beautiful, trust me there is no way I’m going to jump into bed with you if I’ve only known you five minutes.

I love it when a guy puts in the effort and tries to do something nice and romantic it really means a lot, just something little like a text to wake up to or to say your thinking about her can mean the world to her.

Guys who actually talk about their feelings and not turn to someone else, part of the reason why a girl wants t be your girlfriend is because she wants to be there for you!! And it can work in the reverse too there are times when we want someone to talk to about how we feel it’s nice to know your actually there.

I hate and I mean I hate it when other people become par t of the relationship I mean the relationship is between two people so why is his ex-girlfriend joining in?

The biggest thing for me though is being treated as if I actually mean something to the person I am with because they always mean something to me otherwise I wouldn’t be with them.

Scott is great because he is everything I could ask for, obviously things aren’t perfect with our relationship, especially with the distance but he is always there for me and I couldn’t ask for more from him. The funniest thing is when people say we shouldn’t be together because of the distance; I mean why should that stop us being together.

There is loads of things I need to get sorted out, and getting a job is on top of that list especially as I am so close to being 17 and will be able to start driving. I can’t wait to be able to pass my test as it will mean I will be able to see Scott more which will be amazing!

The last few weeks I’ve been thinking about what I want to do when I leave college, I know I’ve only just started but it’s only two years away and if I’ve learnt anything time goes really fast, I’ve decided that I want to study something to do with the media at university. Hopefully I will be able to do it at Bournemouth, but I’m also looking at other universities in case I can’t get into Bournemouth but Bournemouth will definitely be my first choice although I have been looking at universities in America and they do look pretty good but I don’t want to be that far from my family.

Laterz xo

Love you xxxx

Sundays, a day of rest for some... BUT not for me

Sunday, the day of rest. Not for me! Up at 7 and off to Snetterton.
I actually think I have found my new heaven! Car racing I never thought it could be so good to watch, I've seen 13 races today and about 1 or 2 spins or crashes in each one but I have to say the BRSCC Mighty Minis Championship is my favourite out of all of them especially when a woman YES a woman one her race she held first place from the beginning of the race, pretty impressive! I really want to go again, maybe even start racing myself.

I don’t know if I’ll be getting a car from my birthday anymore because I really want to get into some kind of racing now so I might try to see if they can maybe get me sort of started or something...
I haven’t really written about my new college friends or any of my college experiences yet so I thought as I have neglected my blog for quite a while I should fill you in.

Firstly there has been my short lived football season which lasted one match and two training sessions because of my knee, annoying but kind of glad especially as the work load is MASSIVE!!

Secondly I have sort of lost a friend but made several, the friend I have lost is Molly she seems to hate me for some reason but not really a big loss to be honest because she seems to think she is bigger and more important that=n everyone else anyways so... BUT more importantly the friends I have made, Shannen, Lizzie, Abbey are the main people I have met at college so far. Shannen is in my tutor and my politics class, she seems to have millions of stories, the world’s funniest laugh and a tea addiction. Lizzie I can’t really work out how I met her I think it’s because she know Cat and she also know Shannen somehow but she is also really funny, has a thing for horses and I spend most of my frees with her and Cat which we never really seem to get any work done in. Abbey, well what can I say about Abbey, she is ginger and well all ginger people are amazing in my books! These people and Cat, Milly and Hannah are the people who have so far made college amazing. Obviously I have met other people but these are the ones I spend all my free time with everyday.

I guess I should really say something about the lessons, well, they are really really good. Politics not as much as the other but it can be good especially when one of the debates get going! ICT is always really funny and so is Business. Media is also really funny at the moment we’re working on our first coursework piece and I got put in a group with three boys they are really funny but our work is also shaping up to be pretty good although Jake gets to have very little say as director...
So all in all college is GREAT!

Scott should be coming to stay on Wednesday until Saturday but I thought our parents were supposed to talk about since their first conversation but nothing really has happened but it is still happening... I think. It should be amazing to be able to see him again; I can’t believe he hasn’t seen Alvin and the Chipmunks, seriously? And he has the cheek to say I look like a chipmunk!

XFACTOR, seriously Cher, I don’t get why people like her so much? Treyc is amazing, so is Paije and Matt, don’t even get me started on the groups of this year, to put it simply they got rid of the good groups and shoved in all the manufactured rubbish.

Got loads of college work to get done over this half term, but its all stuff that I can do in little bits so it won’t take too long if I actually put in the effort and get it done. Plus I should be seeing Scott which will be amazing.

I’ve rambled on for too long today but I’m slowly getting back into all this blogging stuff!

Laterz xo
Love you xxxx

Baby take my open heart and all it offers, Cause this is as unconditional as it'll ever get

Raining and grey skies...GREAT!

But I did get to speak to my amazing boyfriend this morning! Although that was after I overslept and forgot to go online to speak to him, I feel so bad for that, but it did mean I got to hear his voice. Everything seems to finally be falling into place, I have my boyfriend back and this time I’m not questioning it but enjoying and appreciating having him by my side!

Last night I finally worked out what I wanted and now I know I’m never going to take him for granted! He means the world to me, and I really can’t live without him.

Today I’ve spent a while thinking about the future, and what I really want to do and achieve, I know that I want Scott to be a part of it and that I defiantly want to go to university and I know where I want to go.

I hopefully have a place at long road, studying media, business, politics and ICT. I need to get my grades at GCSE which I know I can do! I just need to push myself to get the final pieces of coursework done then I need to put together a revision timetable that I can stick to, because the one I’ve got at the moment I don’t stick to.

Then after college hopefully I can get a place at Bournemouth University studying media, that means a lot of hard work to get in but I really want to go to university. That’s a massive change from what I wanted last September but I’ve seen that you get out of life what you put into it, so if I work hard now I’ll be able to have a good future.

Today another dream I used to have came back and this is something I definitely want to work on. I used to want to play for England ladies football team, and Arsenal ladies but then I got injured playing and had to quit to take the strain off of my knee otherwise it wouldn’t heal properly, now that it has I’m going to work on getting my fitness back and finding a team.

I know I’m 16 why plan my life out but these are things that I definitely want to achieve, and are things that I can achieve if I put my mind to it.

I was really surprised I thought Louis would cause me more trouble but he’s just left me alone and done what I’ve asked him to, last night I cut every means of him talking to me off so he can’t cause any more trouble between me and Scott.

There’s something that I’ve left out the list of what I want out of the future, and that’s the part that includes Scott. Last night I was talking to Molly, (who used to hate me being with Scott but know she’s happy for us because we’re so happy together) and we ended up talking about Jamie (her boyfriend) and Scott it was weird, but good weird, because we were talking about our relationships and everything, I kept saying how this time we were going to work because this time I feel something that I haven’t felt about our relationship before, yes I’ve always loved Scott but there’s something different about us this time it feels right being together, but not just right, I feel like if me and Scott broke up then I would fall apart, I haven’t felt that way before, this time my feelings for him are definitely a lot stronger. That’s what lead on to the next part of the conversation and where it started to get scary, but good scary, and sort of puts where I see and want Scott to be in my future. We started talking about who we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with, and I know without any doubt that for me that person has to be Scott I couldn’t imagine having anyone else by my side, and then me and Molly started talking about marriage and everything, and for the first time in my life I can say without any hesitation that yes the distance is hard but it proves that what we feel about each other is strong because it can last with the distance in between us. Not many people’s relationships would work with how we do, but this makes me even more sure that Scott is the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with, how do I know that when I’m only 16, not many people go to bed at night smiling and wake up again smiling all because of one person, not many people, have someone who doesn’t give up on them and walk away when they do, not many people have what me and Scott have. It’s so scary to need someone so much when they could just walk away, but having Scott by my side makes me feel like I can do anything, I know I can turn to him if I need support, and I know that he’s always got me, there’s no running away when things get hard, I’m standing by him through everything, the good and the bad! No more letting people come between us and everything that we have, this is forever and nothing or no one will come in between that!

Love youuu xxxx

"I turned into your perfect girl, a total stranger"

So the basics for all the new people that are reading this, I blog because I find it the easiest way to empty my head, by writing everything down I can see everything as it is and not have to keep thinking it over, well sometimes I do but you can’t always help that. I like to write other stuff too like poems, but I haven’t really written much else other than my blog for a couple of months.

Music plays a big part of my life (no pun intended!). I have a song for every memory, moment, feeling that I listen to. I don’t just listen to one type of music because each type of music can fit into different situations.

Being a teenager you get to experience a lot, friendship, love, fall outs, break ups, arguments, and bitchy people, all of that stuff. But it’s being a teenager that everything major really happens, like your GCSEs, leaving school, college, learning to drive as and a levels, university everything major that could change your life happens when you’re a teenager. Yet everyone thinks you’re too young to make important decisions and they still make all of this stuff happen when you’re not even adult...pretty stupid if you ask me.

It’s weird when you think you know someone and then they go and say something and it’s completely different to the person that you thought they were. But there again everyone one can perceive themselves to be someone different to everyone but only they themselves truly know who they are.

I find it hard to let people in my life, but once I let them into my life it’s hard to let them go again. I don’t choose just to have friends; all my friends are really close to me in some way or another and I know I’ll always be able to rely on them. I do think girls and guys can be friends without having anything else and yeah sometimes this does become more but girl/ guy friendships are the best friendships to have because there’s never that bitchy thing that goes on between girls and the talking behind each other’s backs, it always goes on!

And yeah, I can be bitchy and I am most of the time really outspoken, but it’s better than being something you’re not! I would rather be hated than have to live my life as someone I’m not.

I’m going to take this post as a fresh start and seeing everything as a new opportunity and to start doing things for me and not everyone else, making decisions because it makes things easier for me and to stop worrying what everyone else thinks.

if you can't find your way, look for me....

Haven't really had much of a chance to speak to scott today :(

spent most of the day playin my guitar and doin some photoshop stuff, as well as sortin out my mum's present for tomorrow.



Some of the more recent stuff i've done :)

Had a bit of a let down today, got a letter from the college i applied to saying that i can't do leisure studies as the course ain't gonna be run this year. So i'm gonna have to change my application, dunno what to yet though, especially as that was one of the two main courses i want to do.

I really miss him, i knew it would be hard but hopefully in the summer i'll be able to get a part time job so that i can pay for an intensive driving course which means i should be able to drive within a couple of weeks of my 17th birthday, (only 8 months) which means then we'll be able to see each other loads more :)

laterz xx
love you baby and i always will xxxxx

times like these

when i wish:

i could just be with scott, especially like now when he needs me, it hurts like hell to know that he's got all this stuff goin on and i can't be there for him.

i could just leave school and leave all the bitchyness behind

i could get a deal writing for some newspaper/ get my own stuff published coz thats what i do best... write. plus i'm pretty good a drawiing butt you knowww.

thinking of making a portfolio website :) but its gonna take a while to remember all the coding stuff...

my sisters goin fora uni open day and if she wakes me up at 3 in the morning tomorrow i wont be happy, but that means i wont have to go to school if she does....

can't be bothered wiv school anymore i just want to go to college and start driving.

laterz x
love you babe xxxx

Its funny isn't it...

Some people really do turn out to be people you don't recognise, you tell me everything you think i want to hear, just because you think it means i will sleep with you? what a joke. i won't stop talking to someone because you say so, he actually has been there for me something that you never have been. It's weird to think that i actually once cared about you and thought that we had a future together. You've made a mug of me twice it isnt going to happen again. and on top of that you lied and you think i will forgive you... i dont think so somehow. i was wrong about you, i was wrong to stick up for you and i'm glad i've walked away.

T H A N K Y O U

I really do need to say thank you to scott, i wish more guys were like him. He knows how to pick me up when i'm down, make me smile, he really is a good friend. But he is the only person that really doesn't judge me and gives me proper advice.

this might sound weird, but today i have finally felt a sense of freedom, i'm not tied to anyone, i think i've finally escaped my feelings for louis. right now things are starting to go good again, but i know this for sure i want to get out of here as soon as possible to get away from everything bad thats happened.

i don't know if i want to go to college anymore, i know this means i've changed my mind again, but i don't know if thats where i really want to be anymore, but if i don't go to college i'll need to find a job, and most probably have to start paying for stuff for myself, because my parents would hate it if i don't go to college. but i don't think i can go through the pressure of these exams anymore. plus i'll be 17 three months after september, which means i'll be able to learn to drive, which is a huge positive.

right now, i'm not going to focus on having a relationship with anyone, i'm just going to concentrate on my exams, if that happens it will happen, but at the moment i am happy, being single, i've got great friends, and i finally feel like i'm getitng somewhere, like i'm growing up.

the only worrying thing about saying i don't want a relationship right now is, i'm starting to get that feeling again, where all you want to do is talk to that person, but the distance was too much and it probably would be again, everytime i send him a text i can wait for his reply... I guess maybe if this can all wait till i'm past my exams and i can drive, maybe will can have a future then... at least then we would have a chance, but till then this will have to wait... hopefully it does... i know one thing i'm really missing you like i used to.



The memories that song has...

back to school tomorrow, no more freedom, i am gonna actually draw up a timetable so that i know i'm going to get everything done!

My main priorities from now on:

1. Coursework and revision

2. My friends and family

=2. Scott (he comes into his own section, hes more than a friend, not part of my family, but isn't my boyfriend or anything)

3. Me time!

I'm not going to worry about anything else. I've got everything i need, i just need to make it the most that i can.


laterz xx

well i fail at life

got my final mock results apart from english coz half the teachers are ill :@

maths - c
biology - e
chemistry - d
physics - d
media - b
graphics - b
textiles - b

but the grades that are gonna get sent off with my college application are

maths - b
biology - c
chemistry - b
physics - b
ict btec - destinction
media - a
graphics - a
textiles - a

i dunno why theres different for our college applications but oh well there better grades so i'm not complaining... just got to get them now

a whole day of english tomorrow :( all in aid of a poetry essay, well i get to spend the day wiv hayley, molly, nikki, haids and mich :) so it will be a good day hopefully :)

lol graphics and my chocolate bar from max :) didnt actually think i would get one :)

ict :D

mediaaa betherz :P

i love him :) and i realli cant wait to see him :)<3

laterz x
love you babyy xxxx

:)

i love him and i know that he's not going to loose me.

everything is okay again :)

just hope michelle sorts everything out soon and that her and jim work it out.

hopefully the grades that get sent off to my college are better than what i got for the wocks seeing as all my teachers now know that i was ill...

i managed to score yesterday in football :) lol i love our p.e lessons we're just too cool :) the rain plus me and tanya was quite funny. basketball next week...

laterz x
lovee youuu xxx

exams....

it's that time already :( started our mocks but they're realli important as they are the grades that get sent off to the colleges that we apply for :/

was realli ill last nite the first time i've felt that bad in ages :( but he made me feel so much better :) headaches and generally feeling really bad isnt good still not properly fine today but way better than i was, bin told i have to spend less time on the computer...

nearly finished my personal statement i have decided the career i want to do after a long talk to one of my teachers she was really helpful though and i have an idea of the course i want to do just hope i get in now... (fingers crossed)

realli looking forward to christmas, cant wait to see him its going to be soo good :) i think he'll like his christmas present, not telling what it is though :)

working two weekends in a row straight after the mocks and i wont be able to talk to him for those weekends :( but i guess its not all bad as it means i'll have more money to spend on christmas presents :)

anyways thats it for now, revision time agen :( english and chemistry :(

laterz x
love you xxxx

Just for him :)

i havent wirtten anything the last couple of days :( college application, revision and the amazing boyfriend of mine take up alot of my time :)

well got a few more poems written in the time spare that i have, which is getting rare at the moment, maybe one day i'll get published :)

i actually think if i see another revision book/ guide/ notes i may scream gaah i really dont like exams but now i have to do well coz i really want to go to college now and if i get good results in these mocks then i will have a chance at getting to do the courses i want to do

decided what i'm getting him for christmas :) i really hope he likes it though :/

once this week is over i'll be able to relax and look forward to the christmas holidays :)

i've nearly finished writing my college application just got half of it to go :/

i can't wait to see him...

i managed to get a million points on nearly all the songs on lips lol and thats without being able to sing

i have to go into skool tomorrow and help raise money for the yearbook, cant wait till we start making it, i'm really looking forward to seeing the pictures or everyone in year 7 :)

working the next two weekends :( oh well i need the money, i need to find a more permanent job :/

anyways thats it :)

laterz xx
love you my gorgeous amazing boyfriend :) xxx