Some people really do turn out to be people you don't recognise, you tell me everything you think i want to hear, just because you think it means i will sleep with you? what a joke. i won't stop talking to someone because you say so, he actually has been there for me something that you never have been. It's weird to think that i actually once cared about you and thought that we had a future together. You've made a mug of me twice it isnt going to happen again. and on top of that you lied and you think i will forgive you... i dont think so somehow. i was wrong about you, i was wrong to stick up for you and i'm glad i've walked away.
T H A N K Y O U
I really do need to say thank you to scott, i wish more guys were like him. He knows how to pick me up when i'm down, make me smile, he really is a good friend. But he is the only person that really doesn't judge me and gives me proper advice.
this might sound weird, but today i have finally felt a sense of freedom, i'm not tied to anyone, i think i've finally escaped my feelings for louis. right now things are starting to go good again, but i know this for sure i want to get out of here as soon as possible to get away from everything bad thats happened.
i don't know if i want to go to college anymore, i know this means i've changed my mind again, but i don't know if thats where i really want to be anymore, but if i don't go to college i'll need to find a job, and most probably have to start paying for stuff for myself, because my parents would hate it if i don't go to college. but i don't think i can go through the pressure of these exams anymore. plus i'll be 17 three months after september, which means i'll be able to learn to drive, which is a huge positive.
right now, i'm not going to focus on having a relationship with anyone, i'm just going to concentrate on my exams, if that happens it will happen, but at the moment i am happy, being single, i've got great friends, and i finally feel like i'm getitng somewhere, like i'm growing up.
the only worrying thing about saying i don't want a relationship right now is, i'm starting to get that feeling again, where all you want to do is talk to that person, but the distance was too much and it probably would be again, everytime i send him a text i can wait for his reply... I guess maybe if this can all wait till i'm past my exams and i can drive, maybe will can have a future then... at least then we would have a chance, but till then this will have to wait... hopefully it does... i know one thing i'm really missing you like i used to.
The memories that song has...
back to school tomorrow, no more freedom, i am gonna actually draw up a timetable so that i know i'm going to get everything done!
My main priorities from now on:
1. Coursework and revision
2. My friends and family
=2. Scott (he comes into his own section, hes more than a friend, not part of my family, but isn't my boyfriend or anything)
3. Me time!
I'm not going to worry about anything else. I've got everything i need, i just need to make it the most that i can.
laterz xx
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