Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
All the things we did and the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you
The way we laughed, the way we kissed
I never thought that I would miss
All the things I used to complain about you
The football games, the hometown friends
I'm was glad to see it end
But tell me why I feel so alone without you?
Ooo oh, Oooh, Yeah,
Here it comes again
That song has a lot of meaning to me sometimes...
I know this will sound weird but since me a Louis broke up it's been easier for us to talk about things, I miss that about him just sitting talking or going for one of those long walks...
I know I and Scott have something really good, but I do miss being able to be with my boyfriend and just spending time together.
I do care about Scott a lot and I know this doesn't seem fair on him to say this, but I just need to get it out of my head.
Today I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking things over and over again. Sometimes I feel like history is repeating itself, being back with Scott was meant to be a fresh start for us both but the same problems came back. I don't know why but when things like this happen you question your decision in the first place, I knew it was going to be hard with the distance but I didn't think it would be like this. I hate comparing us to me and Louis but it is hard not being able to just go and see him, revise with him just being sat there, the little things that seem to make the difference. I hate the fact that we can't see each other when we want to. This was always going to be hard, but now it's just got a lot worse.
Memories are something we'll always have, and will never be able to forget...
I've got so much stuff going on in my head at the moment. It's crazy, I can't decide what’s for the best, I don't want to lose Scott, but it's triggered some really bad stuff at the moment.
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Everything is confusing, I don't think that I have feelings for Louis anymore, I just miss what we had, and wish that I could have that sort of relationship with Scott. The distance causes so many problems. The thing is I’m 16 and he's 15 it would be different if I could drive and see each other every other weekend or something but we can't it months between when we can see each other, and to be honest you can't really call what we have a proper relationship when we don't see each other. Maybe this time I’m not really in it like I was the first time because of everything that has happened. I don’t know. In some ways I feel like by lying to me Scott has pushed me away, I feel like he didn’t feel like he could tell me the truth in the first place. I know I said that I wanted to us to move forward and forget about it, but when this has happened so many times before it’s hard to think that it won’t happen again. I knew that it was going to take a lot for us to work, so everything that goes wrong makes it so much harder and makes me regret wanting to try. I do care about Scott and always probably will, but in some ways I see us ending and not starting out.
oh this is not the way that it should end
it's the way it should begin
it's the way it should begin, again
no, I never wanna fall apart,
never wanna break your heart
never wanna let you break my own
yes, I know we've said a lot of things
that we probably didn't mean
but it's not too late to take them back
so, before you say you're gonna go..
I should probably let you know
that I never knew what I had...
I never knew what I had...
A lot of music says how I feel at the moment... maybe that’s a good thing... maybe it’s not...
At times I think it would have been easier to give Louis a proper chance and see if we could work out (that isn’t the right thing to say I know especially when I’m with Scott but I need to get everything out of my head) Everything seems to go round I circles.
Maybe one of my mates was right maybe I should have just drawn a line under both of them and moved on on my own. But at the time that’s not what I wanted, Scott and I started to get really close again, and I was able to trust him and be able to actually talk to him. In some ways what Louis said originally when Scott and I broke up the first time is true living so far apart with everything like this going on at the moment isn’t fair for either for either of us.
This blog really feels like I’m trying to talk myself out of being with Scott. That wasn’t what I was trying to do.
It's on the tip of my tongue but I'm still afraid
Sometimes the only things words do is get in the way
Sometimes the easiest things are the hardest to say
But I don't want to lose you, drive you away
I don’t want to confuse you, I need you to say only wish you knew what I wanted to say only wish you knew what I wanted to say
my hands are shaking
I’m yours for the taking
don’t you hesitate
please just do one thing
one small sign something
lets jump off the edge
At times being with Scott feels like the best thing in the world, but then there are times like this where I don’t have the power to think anymore because all I’ve done is think about how to work things out. Honestly I don’t want to lose Scott but, I can’t see a way to be able to trust him again, it will take time but that is going to be a really long time.
I don’t want us to end, I need a way to fix this but I can’t think of anything, I really don’t want us to end.
But without trust we really wont work.
I know that for sure.
But right now I feel like I’m being held down by something, if this isn’t a way to fix this then, I don’t see us going anywhere...
In some ways I miss me and Scott just being friends, without everything being complicated, and just being able to talk about everything.
This blog will probably tear him apart if he reads it, that wasn’t what it was supposed to do, as much as if probably seems like he doesn’t, he does mean a lot to me, and I really do a care about him a lot but right now he has really hurt me and I’ve tried to forget about everything but... I just can’t.
He says i mean a lot to hi, but hows that true when the first time round he went out with some one 3 hours after we split up... wasn't that hard for him...
I never lied to you, yet you can do it to me...
I never gave you a reason to doubt me, look who it is now...
You say i'm everything to you, how can that be?
Everyone sticks up for him, but no one can really see what it's doing to me and how its making me feel.
Laterz xx
Love you xxx
