ONE MONTH

its gone so quick but we've bin together a month :) love you babe xxx
I couldn't imagine being with anyone else! Your everything and more than i could want or need, i love you so much. I'm going to be by your side for as long as you want me to be.

nothin much has happened today, so thats all i really wanted to post about...

LOVE YOU BABYY

ubberrr tireeddd

i havent had a chance to speak to scott today :(

bin an alriight day nothing major realli happened...just realli tired :(

so i havent got much to say

oh yeah change of plan bookin camp this weekend hopefully and am gonna co to calshot for the watersports one :D

laterz xx

love you babyy check you e-mail :D xx

Not really had a very exciting day today...

Went to Tesco’s, sorted my guinea pig & rabbit out, played on the Xbox (actually had a chance today :o).

As you can see I haven’t really done a lot.

I’m so looking forward to summer this year, camp the first week of summer, back for a week, then 2 weeks in Cumbria with the family, back for a week then friends birthday shizz in the last week :D, plus work around all of that. Gonna be a good summer I think, with lots more memories :)

I decided that my first choice for camp is gonna be Gradbach, it’s Derbyshire and it looks well good!

Got a few half terms before though, so I should be able to revise for all my exams and hopefully see Scott sometime (fingers crossed).

This year is going to be a busy year, exams, summer, revision, college, learning to drive... it’s gonna be crazy!! But I’m looking forward to it because I have amazing people around me.

I realised today that on Tuesday I’ll have been with Scott for 3 weeks, already! It’s gone so quick!! I do love him and I miss him so much but when I can drive I'll to be able to drive and be able to see him whenever I’m free.

Monday again tomorrow only two more weeks of school till Easter 

Laterz xx
Love you baby, miss you so much xxxxx

time to think...

I miss not being able to talk to scott already :( how am i going to last a week... but there again it does mean i can focus on my coursework a lot more.

It's the weekend!! I think i'll sit down with my textiles and finish some of it off :) hopefully i'll have fuity loops studio 9 by tomorrow :) had it before but deleted it, ooopps lol.

Got Ladacris battle of the sexes today, and maaan it's good. I've also bin listening to some freestylin on youtube got me back into rap waay to much :)

This week without scott will be good to sort out my head and decide everything properly, on my own.

lol max tryin to explain his game of poker to me, bearin in mind i have no idea how to play poker, this is actually quite a waste of time. Using all those technical terms really has lost me...

I really hurt my thumb in basketball today, its gona a funny grey/blue colour and it really painful :(

aaahh well i'm gonna finish puttin some music on my mp3 player then go to bed for an early niight... and some thinking tiime....

laterz xx
love you xxxx

PARTAAAYYY TOMORROWWWWW

Got mica's party tomorrow well exciteed :D

Got really worried about scott today, messing up his leg :/

I've been so happy the last couple of days all because of him :)

I miss him like crazy :(

Got some more of my graphics work done and started my media.

Got the DJ hero album, which has jay-z and eminem tracks... it's amaziing

Beat everyone at lips on the xbox today... yeah most people don't know it but i can actually sing, play guitar(ish) and play a bit of piano/keyboard. I am quite musical, lol

Well i dont really have much else to say...

Laterz xx
I love you babe xxxxx

I want to hold you and hold you... (alicia keyss)

I totally love that cover :)

It's weird when you are totally sure of something or someone then the smallest thing has to happen to change that.

I have this amazing guy, louis how i totally fell for after he was there for me when i was going through a rough time with scott, we were breaking up after finding out he was cheating on me and it just wasn't working. So Louis was there not judging me for giving it ago, and just being there for me when everything was falling apart. Then we just got closer and closer, and well yeah we ended up together. I thought he was everything, he got on with my parents, he was great to be around, he knew how to make me smile, and was just a great boyfriend. Then he wanted things to move a lot faster than i did, and wanted us to spend a lot more time together that i couldn't give him, with all of my exams, we started arguin about everything and well yeah then it's kind of obvious from there... we split up...

Then i have scott who was great when i was with him. Cute, funny, everything you could ask for, only problem we didn't really get to see each other. But then things went messed up, well they went really messed up. I thought he was cheating on me, the distance wasn't working out, he were starting to drift apart, i guess i ended up feelinh like i couldn't trust him because of small things that went on, lieing about little things that didnt matter but they did in the end.

Now both of them want to be in my life again, but in more ways than as a friend. Until this morning i was absolutely sure i wanted it to be louis then scott was in my head until i had a proper conversation with louis. I'm pretty sure, well more than sure, that i want to make a proper go of things wiht louis, not because i don't care about scott but because of everything that happened before and the reasons why we split up last time, we've just become really close friends again, and i think for now its best that it stayed that way.

Talking with haidee has really helped lol we always talk about our relationship issues :/ She made me realise how much i really do care about louis, and i want to have a fresh start with him.



It won't be easy, i know that because my parents have told me that they don't want us together, but i'm pretty sure it won't take them long to see that he make me happy, and that i want to be with him. If he changes and does what he did before then i won't want to but it will be over then. But i don't know why but most of my friends have changed their minds about him, or seen that i hate being without him because they keep saying that if he makes me happy i should be with him.

Hopefully everything will work out the way i want it too...

Looking forward to cromer after prom should be gooooodd :)

Anyways, thats it

Laterz xx

decisionsss

Over the last couple of days i've seen two sides to louis, the really cute, loving, kind, caring, side that i love and the complete and utter dick that doesn't care about anything other than himself. If i'm totally honest i care about him alot, and i can't believe some of the things he's said especially the part where he wants to be with me for the rest of his life, but he doesn't think he will be able to make it upto me because of what he's done. Hopefully we will be able to sort it out, we getting there and he's getting back to how i know him... which it really good. I know that he is a decent guy, more people should give him a chance. I absolutely hate the fact that he lied to me as he said he never would, and some of the things that were said by both of us, shouldn't of bin said, but well thats the problem with arguements. I want us to get back together, he means a hell of a lot to me. I miss him and our weekends together. Maybe if we have a second chance then we'll do it properly. All i want at the moment is to be with him.

It's good to know someone cares about me, but it's a shame that nothing will happen with us, especially with the distance, and my feelings for louis, i just care about him in a totally different way. Scott makes an amazing friend and i know he has feelings for me, and it's nice to know, but all i see him as is a friend right now, maybe that will change agen one day maybe it wont, but right now my priotity is sorting things out with louis, and seeing if we can get back together, and into a good place. As much as my parents hate that idea, but it's my choice not theirs.

Spoke to laura today for the first time in ages, it's good to hear off of people you haven't spoken to in a long time.

Had a bit of a bad first day back, coz of feeling tired after being ill. But Brenna and Jodie made last lesson amazing. Supply teachers for english should happen more often...especially that old guy he was crazzyyy

-taking the register the teacher calls our JODIE she answers "yes please", he replies "you don't know what i'm offering yet" cringe

and all of brenna's comments everytime he said something were just amazing gotta love that girl.

There was a slight issue with prom dresses today i have no idea why people are gettin them so early but there agen i aint fuss is bout to be honest, i aint bothered about goin to prom. but yeah basically molly bought the dress lizzie thought she'd reserved but hadn't so now molly has it and lizzie has to find another one. GUTTED.

Anyways

laterz xx

Its funny isn't it...

Some people really do turn out to be people you don't recognise, you tell me everything you think i want to hear, just because you think it means i will sleep with you? what a joke. i won't stop talking to someone because you say so, he actually has been there for me something that you never have been. It's weird to think that i actually once cared about you and thought that we had a future together. You've made a mug of me twice it isnt going to happen again. and on top of that you lied and you think i will forgive you... i dont think so somehow. i was wrong about you, i was wrong to stick up for you and i'm glad i've walked away.

T H A N K Y O U

I really do need to say thank you to scott, i wish more guys were like him. He knows how to pick me up when i'm down, make me smile, he really is a good friend. But he is the only person that really doesn't judge me and gives me proper advice.

this might sound weird, but today i have finally felt a sense of freedom, i'm not tied to anyone, i think i've finally escaped my feelings for louis. right now things are starting to go good again, but i know this for sure i want to get out of here as soon as possible to get away from everything bad thats happened.

i don't know if i want to go to college anymore, i know this means i've changed my mind again, but i don't know if thats where i really want to be anymore, but if i don't go to college i'll need to find a job, and most probably have to start paying for stuff for myself, because my parents would hate it if i don't go to college. but i don't think i can go through the pressure of these exams anymore. plus i'll be 17 three months after september, which means i'll be able to learn to drive, which is a huge positive.

right now, i'm not going to focus on having a relationship with anyone, i'm just going to concentrate on my exams, if that happens it will happen, but at the moment i am happy, being single, i've got great friends, and i finally feel like i'm getitng somewhere, like i'm growing up.

the only worrying thing about saying i don't want a relationship right now is, i'm starting to get that feeling again, where all you want to do is talk to that person, but the distance was too much and it probably would be again, everytime i send him a text i can wait for his reply... I guess maybe if this can all wait till i'm past my exams and i can drive, maybe will can have a future then... at least then we would have a chance, but till then this will have to wait... hopefully it does... i know one thing i'm really missing you like i used to.



The memories that song has...

back to school tomorrow, no more freedom, i am gonna actually draw up a timetable so that i know i'm going to get everything done!

My main priorities from now on:

1. Coursework and revision

2. My friends and family

=2. Scott (he comes into his own section, hes more than a friend, not part of my family, but isn't my boyfriend or anything)

3. Me time!

I'm not going to worry about anything else. I've got everything i need, i just need to make it the most that i can.


laterz xx

I miss youuu :(

Hmmm, well it's weird to think we were totally over then he goes and says all of this and it just brings everything back :/ I mean why couldn't he leave it? Bringing everythign back isn't good, well not right now anyways... and even if we did get back together everyone would be dead set against it, my parents wouldn't let me see him and i dont know if theres much point going through it all again, you can say it will be different, but how do i know it actually will, you can say you never meant any of it, but the truth is there was a reason why you said it. Now i can't forget about him... Like i said to him before i do care about him, but can we go back to how we were? i dont know if thats possible, but it'd be hard. I want us back together but i don't know if it would work, if it truly would be good for both of us, or if we're just trying to go back to something that we know we wont have back. why are things so confusing... I want him back, but can things be good this time, will other people make it hard?, will he walk away like last time? Love is a big word, maybe this is maybe its not how does anyone know, but what i do know is i care about him, and if he wants this and we can sort it out then i'll be waiting...

bin an alright day till that ^^ little issue (louis :/), poor scott :( bless him, you know if you need me i'm here :)

I'm working tomorrow and staying at my uncles tomorrow night coz i'm working friday as well, only problem i cant find my work shirt :/

well thats it...

laterz xx

hmmm,

why does things like this happen??

need to sort things out, bin one of those days where theres too much stuff goin on...

wish i could just be with him right now...

damn, what am i gonna do

lifes tough

oh well, i was told i'm not a failure at life todai

ONE DAY TILL THE WEEKEND :D

15 day 14 sleeps till christmas ;)

excited much

watched the goonies last lesson, spent it textin people

laterz xx
lovee youu babyy xxxx

he is........

i really do think he is too good for me, he would do anything to see me, just hope we can. i love him and cant believe my parents are actually willing to let him stay, i just hope we can sort it out so that he can :)

its bin along time since i've posted one so i thought i'd post this seeing as it's rememberence sunday:

fighting for you and me
so we can be what we want to be
giving their lives
spend a minute to think about those that didnt survive
the wives left behind
see them come home
give them some respect
what more could we expect
they give everything for us
not doing it for some kind of buzz
lives are lost
for a big cost
you shouldn't have anything to hide
becuase they're our pride
give a thought to the families
forget about the controverise
they're our herose
lets support them in what they need to do
remember it's for me and you

for him:

walking hand in hand
strolling side by side
i stare into your eyes
met by your longing gaze
it's a feeling that you cant miss
greeted by your kiss
just tp be with you
is all i'd ever want to do


i hope that we'll be able to see each other soon...

laterz xx
love you babe xxxx