So the basics for all the new people that are reading this, I blog because I find it the easiest way to empty my head, by writing everything down I can see everything as it is and not have to keep thinking it over, well sometimes I do but you can’t always help that. I like to write other stuff too like poems, but I haven’t really written much else other than my blog for a couple of months.
Music plays a big part of my life (no pun intended!). I have a song for every memory, moment, feeling that I listen to. I don’t just listen to one type of music because each type of music can fit into different situations.
Being a teenager you get to experience a lot, friendship, love, fall outs, break ups, arguments, and bitchy people, all of that stuff. But it’s being a teenager that everything major really happens, like your GCSEs, leaving school, college, learning to drive as and a levels, university everything major that could change your life happens when you’re a teenager. Yet everyone thinks you’re too young to make important decisions and they still make all of this stuff happen when you’re not even adult...pretty stupid if you ask me.
It’s weird when you think you know someone and then they go and say something and it’s completely different to the person that you thought they were. But there again everyone one can perceive themselves to be someone different to everyone but only they themselves truly know who they are.
I find it hard to let people in my life, but once I let them into my life it’s hard to let them go again. I don’t choose just to have friends; all my friends are really close to me in some way or another and I know I’ll always be able to rely on them. I do think girls and guys can be friends without having anything else and yeah sometimes this does become more but girl/ guy friendships are the best friendships to have because there’s never that bitchy thing that goes on between girls and the talking behind each other’s backs, it always goes on!
And yeah, I can be bitchy and I am most of the time really outspoken, but it’s better than being something you’re not! I would rather be hated than have to live my life as someone I’m not.
I’m going to take this post as a fresh start and seeing everything as a new opportunity and to start doing things for me and not everyone else, making decisions because it makes things easier for me and to stop worrying what everyone else thinks.
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
The last couple of days have been pretty shit, and today things have just started to get a whole lot better.
Me and scott are starting to get back to the way we used to be.
Bethany has bin sending me some really funny shizzle from youtube:
Im mad, really bad
But dont tell my mum & dad
Pucker up kiss my but
Cuz Im bloody fucking nuts
Hear the bass, skinny waist
Now lets copy pokerface like.... whoa
that was proper good and i saw the top 60 ghetto names
I was sitting there and just, zoned out and started watching everyone. It's kind of weird when you see everyone just talking and laughing and you're just watching. Guess it's just one of them things...
I kind of was hoping with us things would be different; I guess someone can always hope. I can't believe in one week he's managed to get a parking ticket, fall of his ped, and get knocked off of his ped and end up in hospital, he's out now though just got whiplash, which isn't as bad as it could have been. Things between us were going so good; I don't know maybe his idea of what he wants out of life just isn't what I want. I feel like a saw a whole other person before and now he seems to be someone completely different.
Nothing really big is happening at the moment to be totally honest, no arguments, which is really good!!
I can't believe how much coursework and revision I seemed to suddenly have acquired, textiles, science, English, graphics, media I mean why do they leave it till just before our exams?
I have fallen in love with Jason Derulo at the moment, loving his music.
Wow, my first proper, actual, interesting post for 2010 :)
So, it’s 2010, a new year, a new decade and time for a fresh start. No more being walked over by people, being stabbed in the back or any of that stuff. Last year was full of ups and downs, fall outs and break ups but now I’m ready to put that all behind me and start a fresh. Now it’s going to be about:
1. Friends – no more being walked over by so called friends. I’m going to concentrate on the ones I have, the people I can trust. If someone feels the need to talk about me behind my back then they can do it because to be honest I can’t be bothered with people like that anymore I’m passed caring about those people. I’ve got friends that I can trust, stand by me, make me laugh, I can have a good time with and know will always be there (yes we’ve all fallen out at times but I hope there won’t be any more of those times). If I lose friends then they can’t of bin that great a friend in the first place, can they?
2. Boyfriends <3 – finally had enough of being with jerks, hopefully I have found the right guy (which I’m sure I have), finally I’m happy and we’re doing good together, everything I want in a guy is in him, kind, caring, funny, loving, respects me. Four days till we’ll of bin together for a month, it’s gone so fast but I’ve enjoyed every minute of it, ILYOUU!
3. Guitar – I’m actually sticking to my hour a day of practice time, which is quite surprising, but I am actually improving, slowly. Maybe one day I’ll be able to just play anything I want but for now it’s a case of hand exercises, chords and tones of practice!
4. School – I’ve changed my mind plenty of times about wanting to go onto college, but now I’m pretty sure that it’s what I want to do, as eventually I want to get into events management. Now I need to work hard and get the grades so I can actually do that. Hopefully I’ll be able to study business studies, leisure studies, media studies and ICT.
Obviously my family should be in that list but since October 2008 we’ve been spending a lot of time together so my life is all about my family anyways and everything else normally has to fit around them, so now I think it’s time to maybe spend more time with Louis and all of my friends.
I’m going to start having a new outlook on life, if it hasn’t got anything to do with me then I’m not going to worry about it, I’m not going to think things over as much as I used to, I’m just going to let things happen and see where it leads me to.
My music taste has changed quite a bit over the last year I don’t just listen to mainstream music anymore; I listen to everything, that’s probably got quite a bit to do with my YouTube addiction.
I’ve developed this thing for writing poetry of the last 5 – 6 months, hopefully I’m getting better and the subjects I write about are varying a lot more. I’ve also found out that I can draw portraits from photos, I’ve never been able to do it until recently, but it was pretty cool to find out I can do it.
Something that has really changed the way I am with people and how I see things is DI4R, it was probably the most amazing week of my life, I’ll never forget the people (well there is one person I can try and forget). The memories are pretty insane too, team DIVERSITY all the way, hopefully we can all meet up again this summer. From DI4R I’ve got three of the best mates I’ve ever met Laura, Zahra and Jaz.
But those to aren’t the only people I couldn’t live without; Molly.Hannah.Clauds.Milly.Hayley.Michelle.Bethany.Brenna.Mica
Without those guys the last few years would have been so hard and I probably wouldn’t have got through it. That’s why I try to be there for them as much as they have for me because they always do so much for me:
Molly. I know that with her I can talk to her about everything and work out what to do about it all. But not only that we have so many good times together and I know that I can always rely on her. Cow and the frog.
Hannah. I can trust her with anything and she’s been there for me through some pretty tough stuff, and her iphone is one immense little gadget.
Clauds. With our little theories, serious chats and just plain weird moments I don’t know what I’d do without her. She’s one of the few people who have really stood by me through everything.
Milly. Got to love my little ginger, her music and our amazing dancing. She always manages to make me smile no matter what mood I’m in.
Hayley. We always talk and mess around there isn’t anything I wouldn’t be able to talk to her about because we always help each other out with our problems.
Michelle. TUNEEE, we have some pretty amazing maths lessons together, she’s one of those people you can always rely on and will always be there to support you.
Bethany. We’ve been through a lot, fallen out, made up, but we are so close, I can trust her with everything, she always knows when something’s up and was one of the only people who know the truth about that October. She always helps me sort stuff out.
Brenna. What would I do without bren bren, one of the only people that doesn’t really judge anyone and you can trust 100% , can put a smile on your face when you don’t even think it’s possible.
Mica. I know I can rely on her and will always be there with a hug when you’re feeling down and will just sit there if you don’t want to talk.
The main thing about our little group of friends is that they’re always supportive and I know that they’ll always be there for me in some way or another, yeah we’ve fallen out but we always sort it out and move on (but there again what friends don’t fall out).
But there’s still one very special friend that I haven’t mentioned and that’s Kersha. I’ve known her for 13 years and we’ve always been close, I trust her with my life. There’s nothing we wouldn’t tell each other because we always do. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have her. Through everything I know I’ve always got her and she’ll always have me, that’s the way it’s always been and the way it’s going to stay.
Louis <3.
He’s been there for me the last couple of months, but only recently (18th December 2009) have we become more. I’m glad we have because I couldn’t ask for anyone else to be by my side. He means so much to me. When I first met him all the way back in primary school I’d never of guessed we’d end up the way we have, but I’m really glad we have because he is the most amazing person anyone could ever meet, kind.caring.funny.loving what more could anyone want? I hope that we last.
I get distracted really easily but that’s just the way I roll, here is the last few things;
i never thought i would say this, but i'm glad me and him are over, coz now i have found someone that treats me with respect, and i know loves me as much as i love him <3
he knows that we have to take things slow, but we've already got so much planned.
he was so cute walking me home on saturday, really looking forward to tomorrow afternoon :)
he is everything that i could ever want and moree
friday afternoon with him <3
saturday afternoon with him <3
sunday with him <3
tuesday shopping with him <3
christmas eve with him <3
new year with him <3
i'm so glad he's bin there for me the last week and a half, and now that our feelings for each other have grown so much, nothing is goin to stand in our way of being together.
