that should be me holding your hand, that should be me making you laugh....

Bin in the car for 5 hours today, but it gave me a chance to think.

me and scott have drifted apart we're more like friends. Someone else likes him, maybe he should give it a go, i know she'd look after him and be good to him, she seems like a decent person.

Me and louis are close and are just seeing where it goes for now.

I love the seaside :) i'm such a child sometimes... the dodgems (i was waay good), fish and chips, ice creaaam, doughnuts, and the detour home...plus the woman asleep in the car beside us in the traffic jam was hilarious!!

Tomorrow down to coursework, not that i want too. But its gotta be donee

Convos with becka :D lol nad music sending funny tiimes

Bigger than dreams...

Everyone has dreams, hopes things they aspire to do, right? For me I would love to see my stories and poems in a shop for sale, not what most people would think about me, but that is my dream and to be honest no one will ever be able to take that dream away from me, and one day hopefully I will achieve that dream. Some people try and put down other people’s dreams, but why? Do you get a kick out of this; you can’t ever take someone else’s dream away from them because it’s something that they want more than anything else, but you can make them feel like what they want is stupid or silly and surely when you make someone feel like that then you’re making yourself feel pretty useless too, why would you ever want to make someone feel like what they want isn’t worth anything, the smallest of dreams is the biggest of dreams to someone.

I’m going to stop using people’s names in my blog, because it keeps getting me into trouble, maybe I’ll use nicknames or initials or just not use names at all... I don’t know I’ll decide when I need to mention someone.

I always seem to spend my weekends thinking things over, working out how I want things to go. Today wasn’t any different. I saw things differently today, and it really is time to just concentrate on me and things that I want and need to do. Some things that I have decided are going to be hard to actually do, but then there’s others that I will have to decide on soon...

I was looking through some old pictures today and it really does make you miss some things that you used to have, and some people that were in your life. There are times when you just have to move on whether it’s you or someone else getting hurt because it’s the best thing to do. Some decisions are really hard to make, but they have to be made.

I thought when you have everything you thought you wanted you were supposed to be happy, what happens when that something isn’t actually what you wanted? How do you deal with it then? Do you carry on how everything is and hope that it goes back to how you once felt or do you start making changes and sorting things out to how you want them to be?

In life there are some hard decisions and they will only ever get worse.

Everyone’s lives would be pretty boring if they didn’t try things that were thrown in their direction, I have and now I know doing this isn’t what I want right now, I thought once it was, but things have changed, and now I know that it isn’t what I thought it would be, and it isn’t what it was.

"I turned into your perfect girl, a total stranger"

So the basics for all the new people that are reading this, I blog because I find it the easiest way to empty my head, by writing everything down I can see everything as it is and not have to keep thinking it over, well sometimes I do but you can’t always help that. I like to write other stuff too like poems, but I haven’t really written much else other than my blog for a couple of months.

Music plays a big part of my life (no pun intended!). I have a song for every memory, moment, feeling that I listen to. I don’t just listen to one type of music because each type of music can fit into different situations.

Being a teenager you get to experience a lot, friendship, love, fall outs, break ups, arguments, and bitchy people, all of that stuff. But it’s being a teenager that everything major really happens, like your GCSEs, leaving school, college, learning to drive as and a levels, university everything major that could change your life happens when you’re a teenager. Yet everyone thinks you’re too young to make important decisions and they still make all of this stuff happen when you’re not even adult...pretty stupid if you ask me.

It’s weird when you think you know someone and then they go and say something and it’s completely different to the person that you thought they were. But there again everyone one can perceive themselves to be someone different to everyone but only they themselves truly know who they are.

I find it hard to let people in my life, but once I let them into my life it’s hard to let them go again. I don’t choose just to have friends; all my friends are really close to me in some way or another and I know I’ll always be able to rely on them. I do think girls and guys can be friends without having anything else and yeah sometimes this does become more but girl/ guy friendships are the best friendships to have because there’s never that bitchy thing that goes on between girls and the talking behind each other’s backs, it always goes on!

And yeah, I can be bitchy and I am most of the time really outspoken, but it’s better than being something you’re not! I would rather be hated than have to live my life as someone I’m not.

I’m going to take this post as a fresh start and seeing everything as a new opportunity and to start doing things for me and not everyone else, making decisions because it makes things easier for me and to stop worrying what everyone else thinks.