"I turned into your perfect girl, a total stranger"

So the basics for all the new people that are reading this, I blog because I find it the easiest way to empty my head, by writing everything down I can see everything as it is and not have to keep thinking it over, well sometimes I do but you can’t always help that. I like to write other stuff too like poems, but I haven’t really written much else other than my blog for a couple of months.

Music plays a big part of my life (no pun intended!). I have a song for every memory, moment, feeling that I listen to. I don’t just listen to one type of music because each type of music can fit into different situations.

Being a teenager you get to experience a lot, friendship, love, fall outs, break ups, arguments, and bitchy people, all of that stuff. But it’s being a teenager that everything major really happens, like your GCSEs, leaving school, college, learning to drive as and a levels, university everything major that could change your life happens when you’re a teenager. Yet everyone thinks you’re too young to make important decisions and they still make all of this stuff happen when you’re not even adult...pretty stupid if you ask me.

It’s weird when you think you know someone and then they go and say something and it’s completely different to the person that you thought they were. But there again everyone one can perceive themselves to be someone different to everyone but only they themselves truly know who they are.

I find it hard to let people in my life, but once I let them into my life it’s hard to let them go again. I don’t choose just to have friends; all my friends are really close to me in some way or another and I know I’ll always be able to rely on them. I do think girls and guys can be friends without having anything else and yeah sometimes this does become more but girl/ guy friendships are the best friendships to have because there’s never that bitchy thing that goes on between girls and the talking behind each other’s backs, it always goes on!

And yeah, I can be bitchy and I am most of the time really outspoken, but it’s better than being something you’re not! I would rather be hated than have to live my life as someone I’m not.

I’m going to take this post as a fresh start and seeing everything as a new opportunity and to start doing things for me and not everyone else, making decisions because it makes things easier for me and to stop worrying what everyone else thinks.

just like a tower of cards

It always happens like this, everything seems to be going really good then like one of those towers made of cards it all just collapses one little bit at a time and I just can never save it in time. Right now it’s looking like I have most probably lost one of my closest friends, me and my boyfriend are on the rocks, and well the rest just isn’t worth talking about... Tomorrow hopefully I can find out the truth with Louis and why he wasn’t upfront with it all in the beginning, and well I don’t really know how to handle the whole argument with her because I don’t particularly know what I have done wrong so I can’t see how I can fix it, hopefully everything will sort itself out, especially as right now I don’t want to lose either of them.

I love how whenever you plan everything because it’s England it decided to rain, it ruins everything!

What is the obsession with finding out our family tree I mean it isn’t even all that interesting I know all the way back to my great grandparents surely that is far enough? So now we are going to look round some graveyard to find out when exactly when one of my mum’s uncles lived, I can’t contain the excitement.

Found a pretty amazing program today, spent hours making beats (I really do have a bit of a sad life) then had a DVD afternoon with my mother, was pretty good, but i did end up having to explain half of it to her...

I really do hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow so that I can see Louis.

Anyways there really isn’t that much to say today, it’s just been one of those days where I’ve thought things over way more than I should of.

Laterz xoxoxo

quick changes

I couldn't ask for a better way to spend my weekend other than with Louis, I really hope is great granddad pulls through.

It's kind of funny how yesterday I was saying how lucky I am to have all of my friends, and I am, but I wish it all came without the problems. I mean how come us girls can be so bitchy, it would all be so much simpler if we were just like guys, throw a few punches and be mates again. But no, we hold the worlds longest grudges to the point that we don't even remember why we were holding the grudge in the first place. It's through these ties that you know who your true friends are as they are the ones who never judge you and let you and the other person work things out without getting involved.

The last couple of days have showed me how much me and Louis need each other, with everything going on with his family and eerything going on between me and my friends, it's good to know that we have each other to turn to. I don't know what i would have done without him the last couple of months, even while i was with scott and he couldnt be there for me Louis was always willing to listen and was always there for me, I am so glad that weve become what we have, because I don't know where I would be without him right now especially as it looks like i may lose one of the people i'm closest to.

Well the highlight of my day was ermm, well it was school can't really say there was a highlight to my day can i?? So, looking forward to tomorrow the whole afternoon with louis, and then the same on sunday, well who needs revision.

I dont really have a clue why but i can never bring myself to revise for any of my exams supposed to have sience exams next week but i just can't concentrate on the revision, to be honest i can't really be asked anymore either i can't wait to leave school and just start aain somewhere new.

anyways thats me done for today,

laterz xoxoxo