I’m getting behind on writing this; it seems to be slipping in my list of priorities.
Not a lot is really happening, well actually a lot has happened but it probably won’t seem like a lot to most people.
I spent two and a half hours on the phone to Scott last night and though we didn’t really talk about my problems I’ve thought about them and how I am. The conversation wasn’t really a happy one but it made me realise how much I really do love and care about him. Things are really tough for him at the moment, and I know that he finds it hard to deal with stuff and I get that, but I was really surprised by how much he had bottled up and not said anything about.
A few things I’m going to change about myself because it’s not fair on the people around me when I just explode because I haven’t told people how I feel and just keep it to myself, so from now on I’m going to start telling people what I’m thinking and feeling. Especially now I know that Scott feels like I’m pushing him away by not telling him this stuff.
Anyways on to happy things.
I’ve been asked to go to Silverstone with some of my mates (Matt, Milly, Hannah and maybe Alex) to watch the F1 in July basically a weekend where we all go watch some racing and camp together, sounds good the only snag is to go I need to get £150 together which I don’t think I’ll be able to. BUT as me and a few of my friends were talking about how we haven’t seen people who have gone to other colleges recently we are arranging to go out together and meet up with everyone again and go bowling and have dinner which will be good to get out and do something.
I’m still searching for a job but I can’t find anything. Although that search may become more serious as I keep considering quitting college although if I do I won’t be able to go to uni, and every time I think of that I think of every reason I should stay at college so I’m definitely staying.
Everyone keeps asking me about my 18th and what I’m going to do, I still have no ideas really, apart from I’ve always said I would mark it by getting a tattoo that would symbolise my life up to my 18th birthday or one that would symbolise me or stuff that I believe in. Although that might not happen now as I found out Scott hates tattoos so I don’t want to do something that he wouldn’t like, especially as its permanent.
Other than that I’ve never really thought about my 18th birthday or how to celebrate it, especially as whatever I decide to do Scott more than likely won’t be able to be a part of one because he wouldn’t be able to be there, so I haven’t really thought about it. I was thinking about going for a meal but I’d want Scott to be there, especially as we’ll have been together for so long by then and because of everything we’ve been through together, not to mention that it’ll be my 18th. I don’t know really it won’t feel that great if he isn’t there, it puts off planning stuff because I’ll only be 18 once and I didn’t do anything for my 16th or 17th because I wanted my 18th to be special but it won’t be that great if Scott can’t be there. Especially as we don’t get to share most special occasions together that other people take for granted. Plus on top of all that none of my mates will be 18 so I can’t really do the whole get drunk thing that most people would do, so it really narrows everything down to be honest, I might just not do anything.
Anyways, thats about it.
Laterz xo
Love you xxxxx
Title: Pink – F**kin’ Perfect
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