Sometimes a day isn’t good or bad, today has been one of those days

I am officially not pregnant; this is good news... really good news. I feel bad for my cousin though as she has bought me a test and I don’t need it.

I have exams next week so I decided to address this by having a relaxing day. Maybe not a good idea but it has helped me in several ways. Firstly I have manages to watch the dvd I got last week but didn’t get a chance to watch. Secondly I’ve managed to make progress on a puzzle I’ve started. Thirdly I’ve kind of started sorting out my head.

So in a way the day has been productive.

Tomorrow I do plan on doing some revision. However I know for a fact that there is no chance of me passing my politics exam no matter how much revision I do as I just don’t get it at all, I haven’t since we started the course, no matter how much extra work I do I just can’t take any of it in. So I’m going to talk to my form tutor about dropping it and if I can’t it will be the one I drop at the end of the year anyways, so either way I’m dropping it whether I can drop it a few months early or not. I just don’t see the point sitting an exam for a subject I won’t pass.

I don’t really feel like I fit in at college. I don’t have any really close friends anymore everyone has sorted of got their own groups of friends. I don’t fit into any of them. But I’m not going to drop out of college because of it.

Bell ringing last night didn’t happen but I have my first lesson at the church next Friday at half 7 with Mr Ling (that is his actual name; I thought it was really cool).

I seem to have loads of little things that have all piled up and have just made one massive complicated mess in my head and in trying to work it out this afternoon I ended up in tears. It wasn’t exactly the best thing in the world to do but I did kind of feel better afterwards.

I really need to sort out this job situation but it’s kind of hard to get a job when there isn’t any being advertised. I need the money to pay for lessons and to be able to see Scott.

I’m hoping I can see Scott in February half term, although I don’t know whether it will be him coming here or me going to him, and if it is me going to him how I’ll get there seeing as me and my dad aren’t speaking and I have no money (although hopefully the no money one will be sorted soon).

Me and my dad have a very rocky relationship, we’ve never been really close and we argue about everything. So I tend to just avoid him when possible, plus every conversation we ever seem to have is strained and he always talks to me as though I’m stupid. My dad actually doesn’t know anything about me either, it’s quite funny sometimes.

Laterz xo

Love you xxx