Well, it’s Friday and it’s been one of those weeks where I’m SO glad that it is Friday. It needs to be Friday; this week has been too long. A week without Scott is long and week with him is short.... SUCKS
Anyways today, hasn’t been very exciting. I had a mock first thing, it was politics and well I don’t need to get the results back to know that I will have failed. Then I had a free on my own and I actually did something productive, I managed to do some revision for my business exam which will be on Monday (major panic happening at the moment), my business teacher thinks that I’ll get an A so I’m trying to get that grade because I’ve finally decided on the course I want to do at Uni and business is what I want to do because it is something that I get and can do without too much effort, plus it would be pretty good to have a degree in business. I finished my day with a business lesson coincidently. We basically had 1 to 1 things with our teacher about our most recent mocks that we did my feedback was good and basically what he had said to me before. So basically we had an hour and a half of revising but everyone seemed to just talk. Me and Zoe had a pretty good conversations, it was one of those general talks about our lives, it was pretty good to just talk about everything.
On my way home from college I handed in my CV into Halfords, they seemed to like me hopefully that will go in my favour and they will offer me an interview.
Pregnancy panic is still happening, although Scott isn’t anymore well he said he isn’t. It isn’t fun, I know what people probably think about this, but it’s happening and until I know for sure I’ll still be panicking about whether I am or not because if I am it will affect my life greatly, but if I’m not it won’t change anything well it will in a way because it’s made me think about a lot of things differently. It’s weird how things like this can change how you think. The hard thing about this is the fact that it will affect me and Scott, neither of us want a baby, but we have to be responsible for our actions, and if Scott doesn’t want it, I don’t want to bring it up on my own, it would be too hard. But then I wouldn’t want him to be tied to me because we have a child together. It would make everything so complicated if I was actually pregnant... I think in some ways I’m trying to convince myself that I won’t be but the only way I’ll know is to do a test. I can’t do a test without my parents finding out because I’ll have to get one, and my parents would freak out if they think I could be pregnant. Little mistakes can have MASSIVE consequences. But I definitely don’t think that I would be able to get rid of it if I was pregnant I just couldn’t see myself doing that so if Scott really doesn’t want a baby, then I don’t know what we would do. There will be so many effects on everything if I am pregnant, I wouldn’t be able to stay at home because there isn’t enough room for a baby, I wouldn’t be able to stay at college because it just wouldn’t work, then there is paying for all the stuff, looking after a baby... I’m just not ready for all of that not yet; I’m just hoping that I’m not pregnant. But there is only so long that I can keep level headed and be calm about it. I’m reassuring Scott which in a way is reassuring myself that everything will all be okay, but there is this little niggling feeling that something isn’t right.
I’m waiting for parts of an Amazon order I made using all of my Christmas money. One part arrived today it was a charm for my charm bracelet that my sister got me; it’s a little silver guitar which has some gems in it. It’s really cool. I’m still waiting for about 4/5 books to turn up which is really annoying because I’m want to read them; I’m too lazy to go into town to buy them.
The reason why I’ve written this earlier than usual is because I’m going bell ringing tonight, I thought after Scott’s dad’s lessons I should put them to good use and actually go, so that’s where I will be from 7.30-9pm tonight. – Then it’ll be straight to bed!
Laterz xo
Love you xxxx
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