Things are finally GOOD and working out

Right this post is going to be based around three things, Scott’s present (these are his last clues), college stuff, and my day in general. That sounds like this has been thought out, it hasn’t not one bit! I never plan anything, ever; see I’m going off track already that’s why I don’t plan anything.

Scott’s Present

I’m doing this first so that I can get it out of the way and don’t go off track completely. He keeps asking me for clues; I know he reads this so I thought this would be the best place for the last clues to go and the instructions for him.

The only real instructions are they have to be open according to the numbers on them!

Present Number 1:

Something to enjoy!

Present Number 2:

Something you will find useful, especially after when we went to the cinema together (see I put a lot of thought into this) and there’s something really personal from me to you in it that took me about 4 attempts to get right!

Present Number 3:

This was a nightmare to wrap! This is because what I originally intended to get I couldn’t get anywhere, hence why there is more than one present. It’s something that you can keep forever, and can remind you or the two things you love the most (and one of those best be me :P)

College

My college life will officially be starting as of tomorrow, exciting you would thing, but I’m only really excited about the football team part and the meeting new people part. But hopefully this will change and I will enjoy the entire college thing.

My Day

Has been overall pretty good, spent most of the day talking to Scott, and finished the book that I was reading which was really good, got the majority of my college stuff and had a McDonalds which ended the main part of my day great because I got this little beauty:

Three large meals later and I finally got the green glass! Now that I have done everything, I’m going to talk to my cousin, and my amazing boyfriend!

Laterz xo

Love you so much xxxx

Changes, for the better

In the time since I last wrote something for all you people to read, I feel like I’ve come out of a big cloudy mess into something a lot clearer. I think its best I explain, life has been going really good for the last few weeks that I thought something was going to go wrong, but the more I worried about what was going to go wrong the more I realised I was the one making things go wrong (IDIOT I know) so know I’ve decided I’m going to just enjoy things being good, and fix the things I realise I should have fixed a while ago.

Things with me and Scott are better than ever, I know quick change but we talked and I thought about things, and people shouldn’t come in between us, because it’s our relationship not theirs!

I’m hopefully, maybe, should be getting my college stuff tomorrow.

I’m so happy things are starting to work out again, and I’m happy again!

Laterz xo

Love you xxxx

Try and take my mind off of it

Sometimes your mind wonders and it starts to consider things and over think way too much, well I know for sure that’s what mine does.

I went shopping with my sister yesterday and got Scott’s birthday present, hopefully I’ve got it right (fingers crossed). Didn’t get anything for college but I’ll do that today or tomorrow maybe... probably not. Got some new clothes and a book, yes a book I don’t very much normally but this summer I’ve got through loads of books. I’ve still got to sort out my Mum’s birthday present as well. It was alright till I got home and spent time on my own.

I’m still really worried about losing Scott, things still don’t feel right, added to people telling me we shouldn’t be together, my heads up a bit messed up about us. I don’t know what to do, because I don’t know if he really wants to be with me or not, we don’t talk as much as we used to and things just seem a bit... hopefully everything will be good soon.

My head seems messed up about a lot of things at the moment actually. Too many people thinking they know what’s best for me.

Spent most of last night watching some DVDs intending to have an early night but actually staying up over thinking everything as usual, but that’s what I normally do at the moment so it doesn’t really change anything.

I need to sort out getting a more permanent job, soon.

I want to sort my head out but the more I think about things the worse they seem.

Laterz xo

Love you xxx

I might get your heart racing In my skin-tight jeans Be your teenage dream tonight Let you put your hands on me In my skin-tight jeans Be your teenage dream tonight

I didn’t post yesterday, there wasn’t really a reason for it, I just didn’t, actually I didn’t go on the computer all day... that’s kind of surprising!

Me and Scott seem to be drifting apart, I don’t know if that’s the right word for it actually, things just don’t feel right at the moment, and I’m taking it out on him to make things even worse! We don’t talk as much as we used to, and I don’t know hard to explain but it just doesn’t feel like us at the moment, I hope it changes soon.

I hate it when I hear a song that is exactly how I feel and I didn’t realise ‘that’ was how I felt... it’s weird.

I have this thing at the moment for old style R&B it sounds really good, and the words actually mean something, which is a bit different to modern day music, (I sound really old saying that)

I’m going into town today for a bit of retail therapy, got a whole list of stuff to get, the shops don’t open till like 10am so we’re not going to the park & ride till about 10 so we don’t have to wait around for everything to open up (that was my ingenious idea right there). Milly’s cookies and a McDonalds sounds really appealing at the moment and it’s only 9:40am, kind of worrying, but I suppose I’ve got to make the most of it before the football season starts and I can’t eat anything that’s full of fattening stuff (very scientific, I know)

Everyone keeps saying I should get my poetry published but the only problem with that is no one ever tells you how to go about it, and it probably costs a lot to get it done.

I have found my summer song:

I’ll fill you in later about my day today

Laterz xo

Love you xxxx

When You’re Mad

I won’t be able to talk to Scott till really late today, it’s really hard knowing I can’t talk to him, I feel really lost normally we talk virtually all day.

I’ve been filling my days drawing celebrity’s portraits because I haven’t got much else to do, and I’m getting better slowly.

I should be going shopping this weekend which means I will be getting Scott’s birthday present (well more than one most likely), college stuff, clothes, and more art stuff. I love shopping and I have my wages for it this time so I won’t be owing anyone anymore money! I can’t wait to get Scott’s present sorted though. Plus I’ve got to get some stuff for football training.

My ex is causing trouble... again, I mean it’s not really that hard to understand I don’t want to spend time with him because he tried to use me and I’ll reply to his texts to be polite but seriously asking me to go to London with him is taking it too far add that to some other stuff especially some of the comments he’s been making and he thinks he still stands a chance, seriously, does he not know when to stop.

Today is going is incredibly slowly, the result of not being able to talk to Scott.

I mean seriously I don’t why people can’t stop interfering in mine and Scott’s relationship, we’re happy why can’t they be. Scott makes me so happy, I just hate it when people can’t leave us alone and try getting inside my head or his, it’s like they like causing trouble. It’s our relationship not theirs why can’t they leave us alone?

It looks like I might be going to Bournemouth for a day soon, should be fun... well as fun as taking my sister to university can be. But that means I can re-do mine and my sisters bedroom.

Last night I stayed up late working stuff out in my head and I’m pretty sure I have everything sorted now and I know what I want, who I want, where I’m heading, and the past is the past I’m not going to let it cause any more trouble, it did enough damage at the time to do anymore now. Too many good things have been happening to focus on the bad stuff. I’ve got an incredible boyfriend, a fresh start coming up with college, I’m getting back into college, and things with my family are going great, not to mention my amazing friends and all the other opportunities I’ve got coming up. It’s time to focus on the future and not what has happened coz I can’t change that.

I can’t believe Scott said it was cute when I get annoyed the other night...

I do know that I’m lucky to have him though, it is hard with the distance, and I can’t say it’s not. But he takes so much from me and I feel so bad about that, I have had ago at him so much lately, and he’s stuck by me, I can’t thank him enough for what he’s done for me the past couple of weeks, he has been really amazing, and kept me smiling when things have got really hard, so I know he definitely deserves what I’m going to getting him for his birthday and hope’s he stops arguing about what I can and can’t spend on him. I’m so lucky to have someone as cute, funny, kind, and caring as him!

Laterz xo

Love you so much baby xxxx

When The Past Haunts You

I hate over thinking things, and that’s all I’m doing at the moment. Everything just keeps going round in my head and now I can’t stop thinking about things that have happened, that might happen, that will happen. I HATE IT!

I hate thinking about all the bad things that have happened it always makes you forget the good things.

Certain people aren’t helping things at the moment either I mean I tried deleting his number but that doesn’t stop him texting me, I can’t bar numbers coz I can’t work out how, he always manages to get inside my head and at the moment I don’t need that with how I’m feeling.

I don’t want another night last night where I spent most the night in tears.

Let me get this right

 

Sometimes things go well sometimes they go bad but right now it feels like it’s either. I’m not in a good mood or a bad mood, things aren’t going great and they aren’t going bad I just feel a bit.... loads of old stuff got stirred up last night, stuff that I thought I could/ had forgotten about but a small comment that was meant to be a joke sort of made me think about everything, I overreacted to it because of everything that happened in my past. I guess that’s something in my past I’ve always wanted to forget about but it’s what makes me the way I am and I don’t like who I am at times because I overreact so much to little things like that. You probably think I’m going on about nothing but I don’t want to go into it again because of the state I was in last night I don’t want to go into that again.

Why is it when things seem to be going well something always has to happen to make you rethink it?

I hate having the past brought up especially mine there’s quite a few things I wish I could forget, that’s why I’m so looking forward to college now for my fresh start, new people, new opportunities, sounds pretty good to me.

My Granddad is slowly getting better, which is really good.

I’ve got so much stuff to sort out before I start college; the first few months are going to be so busy! But I’m actually looking forward to it, which is different to how I was feeling a few days ago but it will be good because of the fresh start I’m going to be having.

Lately I’ve been going for long walks in the morning to clear my head because even before last night I kept thinking about things and just needed to be away from everyone to sort my head out, I don’t know why but at the moment I like being on my own to sort my head out, I’ve been bottling loads of things up rather than talking about it but to be honest I don’t want to talk about half the stuff because it will only make it seem worse.

Laterz xx

Love you xx

Time to start over

Well maybe I did better than I thought:

ICT – Distinction*

Textiles – B

Maths – B

Graphics – B

Biology – C

Chemistry – C

Physics – C

English Language – A

English Literature – B

Media Studies – B

I thought I’d be lucky to scrape Cs, so I definitely did better than I thought I did.

Actually I’m starting to look forward to going to college now, I don’t know why, I guess it’s a new starts, and now that I’ve got my results I feel like I’m actually achieving things. So from now I’m going to have a fresh start. No more worrying about people that don’t worry about me, I’m not going to worry about the little things; I’m going to really work hard at college so that I can go to university.

I really wish I could see Scott he’s been great the last few days. I thought I was going to lose him, since I’ve been back from being away things seemed odd between us but we talked, well it was more me having a go, which I feel bad about, but things are starting to feel like they used to. I’ve got loads of ideas what to get him for his birthday, I’ve just got to get paid so that I can sort out his present and get it to him, hopefully he’ll like it.

Then I’ve got to sort out my Mum’s present which me and my Dad are doing together most likely.

I’m starting to look for a proper part time job because I need some regular money for while I’m at college, and so that I can learn to drive, I can’t wait to do that because then I’ll be able to see Scott so much more.

The next few months are going to be so busy, but it’s my fresh start. Plus I’m getting rid of a few people who are making my life hell.

Laterz xo

Love you baby, sorry for having a go xxxxxx

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, I could really use a wish right now, wish right now

Right work yesterday was good made nearly £200, but now I’ve ended up with a swollen leg that I can’t walk on and the news to my Granddad being in hospital.

I can’t believe he’s in hospital he was supposed to be going on holiday; instead he collapsed and had a fit resulting in an ambulance ride to hospital. When he was there turns out he’s had chest pains for the last 2 weeks and didn’t tell anyone. The doctors found a clot in his stomach and ran some test. He was okay last night and his chest pains seem to be going. Now I’m sat looking after my brother and cousin while my Mum, Nan, Aunty and Sister all go to the hospital as my Sister is the only one who can drive. My Uncle decided his holiday was more important.

I was so lucky I had Scott last night, I feel really bad for keeping him up half the night though, it’s really good to know I have him!

My brother and my cousin are doing my head in with the relentless shooting on the xbox seriously it doesn’t seem like that much fun.

I’m going to try and walk back up the stairs to get my art stuff and work out what I need to get for college, then finish working out what I’m getting for Scott and then work out what to get for my Mum’s birthday.

I like having money it means I can but what I want when I want, hopefully I’ll be able to buy some more art stuff, I’m getting back into it now I don’t have to do it for my GCSE’s. That’s the other thing I’m supposed to pick up my GCSE results tomorrow, I’m not really that fussed about them coz I know I haven’t don’t great in them and whatever I’ve got I can’t change. Plus if it means I can’t do what I want at college then it won’t bother me too much either.

Oh yeah, I’m working on some new writing stuff and some new lyrics although it never really amounts to anything.

Laterz xo

Love you so much baby, thank you for last night xxxx

I feel MEGA ill

Right, I haven’t written a long blog in ages and to be honest I don’t know why. I can’t exactly say I’ve been busy coz I haven’t.

I’m supposed to be working on Sunday but don’t think I will be coz our cars broken, I really need the money though.

As much as I’m not looking forward to college it will be good in some ways because I will be able to meet new people, and I love getting to know knew people. Plus I’m starting to get used to the idea of going now.

My sister got into Bournemouth University so i might be able to go stay with her sometime when I get bored of being at home.

I really can’t wait to be able to drive, I’ll have some freedom.

Scott seems distant with me like he did when everything happened with Pearl, I hope nothing is going to happen with us.

And to top everything else off I feel MEGA ill.

Okay this wasn’t the long blog I was going to write but I need to get back into writing every day.

Laterz xx

Love you xxx

I hope something changes

I do really not want to go to college now but hopefully my mind will change when I get there, fingers crossed.

Last few days Scott’s seemed weird with me, I just feel like I’m in the way whenever I talk to him.

I really need a part time job but nowhere have any, in the whole of the town there is no jobs how stupid is that!

And to top everything off I’m not being able to sleep properly!

Moan over....

I really want to be able to Scott, but that’s not able to happen for ages yet, and I’ll probably just get in the way then.

I really need something really good to happen, soon! everything feels like its going down hill again.

Laterz x

Love you xxxx

Boring few days

Crazy last few days, which means i haven’t posted anything… again!

Picking up my GCSE results next week.

Xfactor starts again next week.

I’ve got slightly obsessed with a really old computer game :/

Me and Scott seem to be back on track again.

Finally got through the 300 e-mails i had in my inbox from being away.

haven’t really got anything exciting to write about to be honest, life is pretty dull at the moment, sure that will change once i start college

Laterz xx

Love you xxxxxx

Guess who’s back, back again

It feels weird writing a blog again, I haven’t done it in ages.

My holiday was good apart from we came home early coz one of my auntie’s dogs died, which was all sad a depressing for a few days.

I’ve worked a lot on my writing and I’ve got a lot of stuff to put on my writers cafe profile, which I haven’t got round to doing. I really haven’t got back into all the social networking sites since I’ve come back.

Te worst thing about being back off of holiday is probably the rain, before we went away it was hot, really hot but now all it does is rain.

I’ve read quite a few books lately so I might tell you what I thought of them some other time, if I get round to it. I’ve started loads of things lately and not finished them so don’t get your hopes up too much.

Went shopping yesterday and I seem to of spent £50 on basically nothing.

My music computer has crashed, the one that had my lyrics saved on it, my backing tracks that aren’t finished saved on it, everything to do with making music. Hopefully it hasn’t died completely, fingers crossed.

I’m getting closer to starting college, I still don’t really want to go, and I’m basically only doing it to make everyone else happy.

Laterz xo

Love you xxxxx