The spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly

Today I realised how much of my time is spent trying to make other people happy and not trying to make myself happy. This comes back to college, I got all my enrolment information through today and I still have a part of me screaming at me “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THIS ISN’T WHAT YOU WANT” Yes, in some ways it isn’t what I want but honestly, I don’t really know what I do want so until I do I guess the best route to head down is the college/ university route.

I was thinking today about what career I’d like, I thought something where I can maybe write songs (but most people do that themselves or those that do are able to compose the music for the songs too) or just write, because that’s what I enjoy doing. Or maybe something where I can help people, I don’t know I’m not very good at making decisions.

I have started doing the over analysing thing again.

I didn’t speak to Scott for two hours today and started panicking before I remembered that on a Monday he goes sailing. I’ve gone from the girl who couldn’t care less about relationships to the girl who has been in and out of relationships, but at least with Scott things aren’t the same as with everyone else I’ve been with, I tried explaining that to him before and kind of failed. I was trying to say that I love how he isn’t pushy and will only let things go as far as I want them to, but it just didn’t come out that way. He’s completely the opposite to most people I’ve been out with who are only after one thing. But with so Scott it’s so so so different, but good different, happy different, really happy different, so much so I’ve been told by everyone that I’m turning into the helplessly fallen in love one compared to the why the hell can’t you stop talking about him for five minutes one.

Seriously how did my mp3 player when it was on shuffle manage to pick out of all the songs on it the ones that remind me of Scott, seriously how?

How do you break it to a drunk ex that you’re never going to ever get back with them no matter how promising there ‘changed ways’ are, umm well for me it started with, how come you are talking to me at 10pm at night when we were together you wouldn’t even talk to me at that time, closely followed by I’m with someone who I actually love and really care about who also treats me as a person now and object who is there whenever you want to pick them up and you can forget about whenever you want to put them down. Haven’t heard from him since, maybe he wasn’t as drunk as I thought, oh well he’ll live.

It was funny when I saw Sarah in Tescos today; she was kind of half surprised to so see me sort of shocked.

One questions, how is eating a chocolate chip muffin so hard to eat without it crumbling everywhere?

Last night me and Scott actually talked like we used to, it was really good. I still can’t believe I’ve found someone as amazing as him and am able to call him mine. He really means a lot to me even when we were just friends we were fairly close but then I guess we got a lot closer than I planned and I don’t regret it at all.

My brother goes to Germany tomorrow. PEACE AND QUIET!

I haven’t done much the last two days because I’ve got really into this book, it follows on from the last two I’ve read and so far it’s AMAZING, it should be turned into a film the whole ‘I heart...’ series should be this one is ‘I heart Paris’ apparently it’s like Sex in the City but I’ve never seen it so I got it on DVD to see if it is. Lindsey Kelk is a really good author and I don’t read much, well in the last year her books are the only ones I’ve really read by choice.

Laterz xo

Love you baby xxxxxx

This song kind of reminds me of Scott

Vanilla Twilight lyrics (Owl City)
Songwriters: Young, Adam;

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here
I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone
As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here